When will I ever learn that some people are not meant to make a
reentry into your life? I learned that again for the millionth time
recently. Let’s recap on the first part of E’s shenanigans.
He was a guy I met on social media at the end of 2015. He was in and
out of my life until about August of 2016 when I realized the reason he
was in and out of my life was because there was another woman. That’s
pretty much the whole gist. He’d play victim and tried to blame me for
his betrayal, but the conclusion of it at is that he was dishonest.
We fast forward to about April of this year. I’m in the car and I get a
text message. It wasn’t from a saved number, but it said “I’m in your
neck of the woods.” Now I was kind of freaked out at first because who
just randomly texts a stranger that? Then I noticed that I had previous
texts from this number and realized it was E again. I never deleted his
old messages, because I never get rid of receipts. Against better
judgement I let him back in again. He apologized and said that he had
made a mistake. All was forgiven, but not forgotten. See, I forgave him
because from the very start I could tell he was broken. Perhaps it’s the
Libra in me or the depression I battle that allows me to see through
someone’s mask. He wasn’t much for a deep communicator, but I could
tell. So he was forgiven for his mistake and we got back to flirting as
usual. Even before we started talking again I had already purchased
tickets way back in January to see my favorite band, U2, in Chicago in
the summer. We counted down the days until we would finally meet. The
butterflies got stronger and I was honestly more excited to see him than
I was to see a band I’ve loved since I was seven years old.
Later that night when I arrived in Chicago we finally met. I couldn’t
believe he was standing right in front of me. I tried to keep my cool
and not become giddy as I saw this man I’d become infatuated with
finally there in the flesh. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would
be. It felt like we were old friends getting a chance to hang out again
after years of being apart. We went out on a date for some good pizza.
He opened doors for me, made sure that I didn’t walk on the curbside of
the sidewalk. E was a complete gentleman. After our date we came back to
my room to wind down for the night. I kicked his ass in Uno a few times
and we chatted a bit, especially about our past so that we could
hopefully start fresh. He made me feel comfortable. He made me feel like
I could open up again. It was really nice. He stayed the night. It was
nice laying next to him. The next day He dropped me off so I could try
and meet the band and we met up later that night for another date. When
our dinner date ended I had no idea that we would be parting ways. I
would only be seeing him the following day for him to take me to the
show and then that was it. That would be when we would say our goodbyes
until who knows when. Understandably I was a little emotional and upset
because I didn’t want to let him go. I didn’t want to say goodbye until
it was absolutely necessary to say goodbye. He stayed a little while
longer, but my heart sank as he turned to leave. The next morning is
just as I thought it would be. E drove me to the concert, I kissed him
goodbye, and that was it. I was left on a high, but also a low because I
immediately missed him terribly.
When I returned
home, still on a high from both this man and the U2 concert, I was
already planning my next visit. Hell, I was planning on a move, which
was always the plan whether he was in the picture or not. Everything
seemed great. We still talked and spoke about how we missed each other.
It was great. Soon approaching was the one year anniversary of my
father’s death. Leading up to that day there was no huge emotion one way
or another. It was just kind of an empty feeling. That feeling that
something was missing. On his death date I had planned to get a tattoo
to honor him and take my mom with me. The night before E and I were
talking. He had joked about something dealing with us and why it was
taking him so long to commit and in that moment in time it rubbed me the
wrong way and plus my mind was elsewhere. I told him I was going to bed
and said good night. I stayed on social media a few minutes more before
reaching back out to him because 1. I wanted to let him know that I
really wasn’t in a joking kind of mood because I was going through my
own thing, 2. but on the other hand I did need someone to talk to
because I really needed to distract my mind, and 3. I couldn’t really
fall asleep like I was hoping too. When I reached back out he got snotty
in a “Oh now you wanna talk to me?” sort of way. I was caught off guard
and really confused as to what he was upset about. I let it go, because
I was already going through too much hurt reflecting on the fact that
my father had been gone a whole year and since my dad died Father’s Day
weekend I had to deal with both of those events at once.
Reaching back out to E sometime later that I night he expressed he was
upset because I was so happy earlier that day then all of a sudden got
quiet and that I didn’t tell him what was going on beforehand. Since I
didn’t tell him beforehand that I may need alone time due to my grieving
he labeled me a liar. I explained several times that when it comes to
that my moods are up and down. It’s only been a year. Sometimes I still
cry out of the blue. Certain dates, places, songs, and events will make
me teary eyed. My life is forever changed. I’ve never dealt with a loss
of this magnitude so I don’t know how or when moods will hit me.
Sometimes I’m not even sure how to cope. I just do what I can and try to
go about my day as normal. For some reason he still didn’t get that. He
didn’t get that people take losses differently. E still made it about
him being hurt that I still stayed active on social media when I said I
was sleeping. Now, for me that says he’s upset about something else and
making it about that because there is no way possible that someone would
be so furious about something so trivial especially knowing what I was
going through that weekend. All of a sudden we went from having fun
while we were together when I visited to “I just don’t like you
anymore”. All because I was dealing with the one year anniversary of my
dad’s death. Let that marinate a bit. I still don’t get it either. The
sad part is I still want to make it work. I’m not sure if he’s been so
hurt in the past that he thinks everything someone says is a lie, but it
just makes me want to protect him more. Although, I know (or at least
hope) he doesn’t mean to be so hurtful I don’t deserve to be treated in
such a way. I need a man to understand that some days are hard for me.
That father’s day weekend will always be a sore spot for me. I deserve
to be heard out and have a partner who is willing to communicate. I
don’t know what I’ve done for someone to think they can treat me like
that. I spent that weekend crying over E when I should have been bonding
and healing with my mother. He took that away from me. All I ever
wanted was to care for him. That time we had with each other was
something great. I saw him as someone I could build with when the time
was right. I don’t know how we went from “I miss you” to “I don’t want
you”. It breaks my heart. It truly does. I’m not sure what to do, but
life must go on even though I do miss him. Maybe we’re not right for
each other right now, in this lifetime, or even at all. To think about
it that way really sucks, but I don’t have anymore tears to give. For
this man I’ve shed them all.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©
I'm just a girl with a lot to say. I've got a ton of stories to share and minds to open. Here I show to you my poetry, stories, and other topics that fill my mind.
Showing posts with label Tragic Crush Tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tragic Crush Tales. Show all posts
Tragic Crush Tales #10
Crush E is my latest in a series of men that have completely wasted
my time of the past few years. I seem to be attracting a lot of that
lately. Every time I find it surprising that men over the age of 23
still play games and then play victim when you call them on it.
I first met this guy through Instagram. That was my first mistake. How on Earth did I think I could possibly take anyone serious on Instagram of all places. I don’t even remember how or why we started talking, but we hit it off really well. I got along with him, thought he was funny, handsome, and that we had a lot in common. Unfortunately he lived in Chicago and I’m not in a place financially to be able to move back just yet.
We started talking around Halloween of 2015 and quickly exchanged numbers. We texted a lot, but for some reason he sort of vanished around Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before, but I’m not the kind of girl who likes to pester someone. We all have lives, families, work, etc. If I message you a few times and don’t get a reply I’ll assume you don’t want to talk to me anymore or you have shit going on and will get back to me when you can give me your undivided attention. Well we started to get into the first few weeks of December and I still hadn’t heard from him. I shrugged it off since we had only talked for a few weeks. We didn’t have anything serious going on. There was a guy who would come into my job all of the time and I could tell there was an attraction so I gave him my number and we went out. The date was absolutely terrible. I didn’t have to dwell on it too long because days later E popped back up and it was as if nothing had changed. We made jokes of my bad date and our closeness grew stronger as the days and weeks went on.
I say days and weeks because as we were ringing in 2016 E went off on his merry way again. No response to messages until he gives me this long tirade, a week into the new year, about how he needs his space and that I’m forcing a relationship on him and that he only wanted to be friends. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. From the moment we first started talking the flirting was on both ends, but all of a sudden I was forcing my flirtatious behavior on him and making him soooo uncomfortable *sarcasm*. I found it strange and also upsetting because a week prior we were telling each other how we were hoping this was meant to be and couldn’t wait to meet each other one day. It wasn’t a one sided conversation. I wasn’t talking to myself. Without going through every incident with this dude let me just say he disappeared often only to return with his victim speech about how I was forcing my affection on him knowing that he didn’t want a relationship. He’s the most confusing man I’ve ever dealt with because I couldn’t understand how we’d both be flirting then all of a sudden it was only me that was the aggressor.
That brings us to a few weeks ago when I discovered why he always wanted to shame me as the bad guy. There was someone else. Instead of being an adult and telling me that he wanted to proceed with this other woman I had to find out via Instagram. Many times I asked him if there was someone else and he’d always say there wasn’t. When I confronted him this last time his excuse was that they were only talking and not officially dating until very recently. So because they didn’t have the “Will you be my girlfriend? Circle ‘yes’ or ‘no’“ talk that means that it’s okay to still talk to me on the side and not be upfront and let me know that you’re starting to have feelings for someone else? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not someone’s back up plan. I’m an actual person with feelings. You think that crossed his mind? No. When he discovered that I wasn’t going to fall for the “we weren’t officially dating when you first asked me” excuse he had to pull another one out of his ass. He decided to go with the old high school excuse of “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to break you heart.” Because lying to me or not telling me will make me feel so much better. Thank you, E. Thank you so much. Lying only exists to make the liar feel better about themselves. Never has it ever made the person being lied to at ease. Now, let me say this. As I’ve gotten older and have had my heart broken a few times it gets easier and I mean way easier for me to move on. I’m too old to be crying over some dude and especially one who feels it’s okay to disrespect me. That being said, when he told me that he felt telling me would break my heart, I laughed. It was so arrogant to me. We’ve never met. You’ve played with my emotions like a yo-yo for about seven months and you’re wondering if your fickle feelings broke my heart. Not to mention my father passed not even a month before this (another reason I feel a decent human being would’ve been up front about his actions) and you think your bullshit lies even rank on my list of fucked up things to happen to me this year? Honey, please. I just experienced a heartache like none other and it’s not over Mr. “I don’t know what I want in life so I’m gonna sit here and waste your fucking time and then make it all be your fault. You made me flirt with you. I’m the victim here.” He still tried to find excuses. He brought up three dates I went on during a few of his many absences. Although all three dates turned up bad and he knew about every last one he still wanted to run with that excuse. To me it would’ve been much easier to just say “I wasn’t really feeling you anymore. Sorry I didn’t tell you in APRIL when I first started talking to this other girl (yes, he had been talking to her for three months while we were also talking), but it is what it is.” That would’ve been a more adult response instead of looking for any and every way to make me look like the bad guy and refusing to own up to his bullshit.
This all sucks because a week after I found all of this out I was in Chicago for an event. While planning this event I was really looking forward to meeting him and getting to be with him. That’s why being up front with me would’ve been a great idea. That way I wouldn’t have been planning a trip with my heart set on that. It could’ve been just about my event, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. Trust me that I still did all of that and had the most amazing time, but that’s not how it all started when I had my heart set out on this. At first when I said my peace and everything was said and done I said to myself that I hoped this woman would do him like he did me (and some girls before me, apparently, but I really don’t want to get into that because I honestly don’t give a fuck). I hoped that she’d stop responding to messages, give him the cold shoulder every three weeks, talk to a few other dudes, make him feel like he’s some thirsty dude that’s just fawning over her, tell him that he’s moving too fast while at the same time egging him on. Then I thought about it. No. Nobody, not even him, deserves to have their feelings played with like that when we’re all out here just trying to find companionship and a soulmate. Instead I want her to show him compassion, communication (which he lacked SEVERELY), loyalty, partnership, and warmth so that he knows what it feels like and in turn can learn from her and know how to give it back. He wasn’t for me and that’s fine. All I wanted was a little honesty and didn’t get it. I’m not missing anything.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
I first met this guy through Instagram. That was my first mistake. How on Earth did I think I could possibly take anyone serious on Instagram of all places. I don’t even remember how or why we started talking, but we hit it off really well. I got along with him, thought he was funny, handsome, and that we had a lot in common. Unfortunately he lived in Chicago and I’m not in a place financially to be able to move back just yet.
We started talking around Halloween of 2015 and quickly exchanged numbers. We texted a lot, but for some reason he sort of vanished around Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before, but I’m not the kind of girl who likes to pester someone. We all have lives, families, work, etc. If I message you a few times and don’t get a reply I’ll assume you don’t want to talk to me anymore or you have shit going on and will get back to me when you can give me your undivided attention. Well we started to get into the first few weeks of December and I still hadn’t heard from him. I shrugged it off since we had only talked for a few weeks. We didn’t have anything serious going on. There was a guy who would come into my job all of the time and I could tell there was an attraction so I gave him my number and we went out. The date was absolutely terrible. I didn’t have to dwell on it too long because days later E popped back up and it was as if nothing had changed. We made jokes of my bad date and our closeness grew stronger as the days and weeks went on.
I say days and weeks because as we were ringing in 2016 E went off on his merry way again. No response to messages until he gives me this long tirade, a week into the new year, about how he needs his space and that I’m forcing a relationship on him and that he only wanted to be friends. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. From the moment we first started talking the flirting was on both ends, but all of a sudden I was forcing my flirtatious behavior on him and making him soooo uncomfortable *sarcasm*. I found it strange and also upsetting because a week prior we were telling each other how we were hoping this was meant to be and couldn’t wait to meet each other one day. It wasn’t a one sided conversation. I wasn’t talking to myself. Without going through every incident with this dude let me just say he disappeared often only to return with his victim speech about how I was forcing my affection on him knowing that he didn’t want a relationship. He’s the most confusing man I’ve ever dealt with because I couldn’t understand how we’d both be flirting then all of a sudden it was only me that was the aggressor.
That brings us to a few weeks ago when I discovered why he always wanted to shame me as the bad guy. There was someone else. Instead of being an adult and telling me that he wanted to proceed with this other woman I had to find out via Instagram. Many times I asked him if there was someone else and he’d always say there wasn’t. When I confronted him this last time his excuse was that they were only talking and not officially dating until very recently. So because they didn’t have the “Will you be my girlfriend? Circle ‘yes’ or ‘no’“ talk that means that it’s okay to still talk to me on the side and not be upfront and let me know that you’re starting to have feelings for someone else? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not someone’s back up plan. I’m an actual person with feelings. You think that crossed his mind? No. When he discovered that I wasn’t going to fall for the “we weren’t officially dating when you first asked me” excuse he had to pull another one out of his ass. He decided to go with the old high school excuse of “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to break you heart.” Because lying to me or not telling me will make me feel so much better. Thank you, E. Thank you so much. Lying only exists to make the liar feel better about themselves. Never has it ever made the person being lied to at ease. Now, let me say this. As I’ve gotten older and have had my heart broken a few times it gets easier and I mean way easier for me to move on. I’m too old to be crying over some dude and especially one who feels it’s okay to disrespect me. That being said, when he told me that he felt telling me would break my heart, I laughed. It was so arrogant to me. We’ve never met. You’ve played with my emotions like a yo-yo for about seven months and you’re wondering if your fickle feelings broke my heart. Not to mention my father passed not even a month before this (another reason I feel a decent human being would’ve been up front about his actions) and you think your bullshit lies even rank on my list of fucked up things to happen to me this year? Honey, please. I just experienced a heartache like none other and it’s not over Mr. “I don’t know what I want in life so I’m gonna sit here and waste your fucking time and then make it all be your fault. You made me flirt with you. I’m the victim here.” He still tried to find excuses. He brought up three dates I went on during a few of his many absences. Although all three dates turned up bad and he knew about every last one he still wanted to run with that excuse. To me it would’ve been much easier to just say “I wasn’t really feeling you anymore. Sorry I didn’t tell you in APRIL when I first started talking to this other girl (yes, he had been talking to her for three months while we were also talking), but it is what it is.” That would’ve been a more adult response instead of looking for any and every way to make me look like the bad guy and refusing to own up to his bullshit.
This all sucks because a week after I found all of this out I was in Chicago for an event. While planning this event I was really looking forward to meeting him and getting to be with him. That’s why being up front with me would’ve been a great idea. That way I wouldn’t have been planning a trip with my heart set on that. It could’ve been just about my event, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. Trust me that I still did all of that and had the most amazing time, but that’s not how it all started when I had my heart set out on this. At first when I said my peace and everything was said and done I said to myself that I hoped this woman would do him like he did me (and some girls before me, apparently, but I really don’t want to get into that because I honestly don’t give a fuck). I hoped that she’d stop responding to messages, give him the cold shoulder every three weeks, talk to a few other dudes, make him feel like he’s some thirsty dude that’s just fawning over her, tell him that he’s moving too fast while at the same time egging him on. Then I thought about it. No. Nobody, not even him, deserves to have their feelings played with like that when we’re all out here just trying to find companionship and a soulmate. Instead I want her to show him compassion, communication (which he lacked SEVERELY), loyalty, partnership, and warmth so that he knows what it feels like and in turn can learn from her and know how to give it back. He wasn’t for me and that’s fine. All I wanted was a little honesty and didn’t get it. I’m not missing anything.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
Tragic Crush Tales #9
It took me a while to warm up to H as a person let alone develop a
crush on him. He was a coworker, he was a bit younger which caused me
keep my distance (also a lot of the younger people we worked with were
the gullible annoying type, which I assumed he also was), and his older
sister also worked with us and I had already convinced myself that she
hated me, although that’s probably not true. Once I did get to know him I
quickly found out that he was the male version of myself. H was very
sarcastic, dry, morbid, and gave zero fucks about what people thought
about him. I’m not saying those are the best qualities a man can have,
but I felt like he got me whereas people turn their nose up at my sense
of humor and random train of thought.
We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
Tragic Crush Tales #8
A
was probably one of my very first crushes. It may seem a little weird
of me to talk about a crush I had when I was a kid, but it was a crush
that forced me to learn a lot about myself. It’s a crush that even
decades later is helping me sort out my feelings and who I am especially
since now that I have a word for it. I must say that I did hesitate
writing this though.
This was back in about second grade or so. A was a pretty blonde girl with ice blue eyes. Looking back I don’t think we were BEST friends, but we had lots of fun times and I remember lots of laughs with her. She had the thickest and shiniest blonde hair that I loved to do whenever we had free time in class. She was just the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on.
Back then I didn’t really know how I felt. I just knew that there was a girl that I thought was pretty and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it. I felt that I shouldn’t have a crush on her so I just took it as my brain saying that she’s pretty and nothing else. In the back of my mind I knew that I had feelings for her though. I’d never told anyone about how I felt, but my friends might have caught on because I talked about her A LOT. It left me very confused for a second grader because although I thought she was amazing and gorgeous, I still had crushes on plenty of boys in the class as well. I didn’t understand how I could think both were good looking.
I never told A how I felt, of course, since I didn’t think there were feelings to be had in the first place. I’d go on always dating boys, but A wasn’t the last girl I would ever have a crush on. As I got older I thought to myself that possibly I was bisexual. I’d never dated a girl by that point (still haven’t other than one online relationship), but remained very attracted to women. Still I dismissed being bisexual because I had never BEEN with a girl. I brushed it off again as just a simple admiration of certain women instead of sexual attraction. As I kept getting older, I started to strip labels away. It wasn’t particularly men or women I was attracted to. I was attracted to people who I found psychically attractive, had a good vibe, a great sense of humor, and all the good things people want in a mate. I didn’t really care what a person’s gender was. Then I heard of pansexual. That’s me. In the back of my mind I’ve always felt that it would be foolish of me to place my happiness based on gender. So far I’ve only dated men, but if a trans individual, woman, etc. were to sweep me off of my feet I can’t imagine denying myself true love because a person wasn’t born male.
As far as A goes I’m not sure what happened to her after elementary school. We went to separate middle schools and I never heard from her again. Not sure if she knew how I felt or if she would’ve even understood it, because I sure didn’t. I will always remember her though since she is the first girl to help me open my eyes to who I truly am.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015(c)
This was back in about second grade or so. A was a pretty blonde girl with ice blue eyes. Looking back I don’t think we were BEST friends, but we had lots of fun times and I remember lots of laughs with her. She had the thickest and shiniest blonde hair that I loved to do whenever we had free time in class. She was just the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on.
Back then I didn’t really know how I felt. I just knew that there was a girl that I thought was pretty and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it. I felt that I shouldn’t have a crush on her so I just took it as my brain saying that she’s pretty and nothing else. In the back of my mind I knew that I had feelings for her though. I’d never told anyone about how I felt, but my friends might have caught on because I talked about her A LOT. It left me very confused for a second grader because although I thought she was amazing and gorgeous, I still had crushes on plenty of boys in the class as well. I didn’t understand how I could think both were good looking.
I never told A how I felt, of course, since I didn’t think there were feelings to be had in the first place. I’d go on always dating boys, but A wasn’t the last girl I would ever have a crush on. As I got older I thought to myself that possibly I was bisexual. I’d never dated a girl by that point (still haven’t other than one online relationship), but remained very attracted to women. Still I dismissed being bisexual because I had never BEEN with a girl. I brushed it off again as just a simple admiration of certain women instead of sexual attraction. As I kept getting older, I started to strip labels away. It wasn’t particularly men or women I was attracted to. I was attracted to people who I found psychically attractive, had a good vibe, a great sense of humor, and all the good things people want in a mate. I didn’t really care what a person’s gender was. Then I heard of pansexual. That’s me. In the back of my mind I’ve always felt that it would be foolish of me to place my happiness based on gender. So far I’ve only dated men, but if a trans individual, woman, etc. were to sweep me off of my feet I can’t imagine denying myself true love because a person wasn’t born male.
As far as A goes I’m not sure what happened to her after elementary school. We went to separate middle schools and I never heard from her again. Not sure if she knew how I felt or if she would’ve even understood it, because I sure didn’t. I will always remember her though since she is the first girl to help me open my eyes to who I truly am.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015(c)
Tragic Crush Tales #7
Crush T was one of those crushes that it just hits you all of a
sudden. We worked together and the one major thing we had in common is
that we HATED our job. Hated is actually putting it nicely, but
it was something we could definitely bond over. Since we worked in a
call center we barely had time to talk to each other, but when we did it
was fun. Slowly I started to find myself being attracted to him. What I
didn’t know is that he felt the exact same.
We had only known each other for a few months before he eventually got fired. Even during that time we never told each other how we felt. It wasn’t until I had quit that job and moved back home a few states away. When I moved we were really bad at keeping contact with each other. One day out of the blue he told me how he felt about me. I was shocked and at the same time I wasn’t. I sort of thought that he felt the same, but I didn’t want to assume and end up getting rejected if I was wrong. When he texted me that he really liked me I asked him why he didn’t tell me a long time ago when I was still in the same city. His response was that he’s a very aggressive person and didn’t know how I’d take it because I was a “good girl” (whatever that meant). We started innocent flirting here and there, but for me it started to go a little sour almost right off the bat.
Back when I knew T he struck me as a dude with a personality I could click with and a sense of humor to match. After he told me he liked me that quickly shifted. He became that creeper/scummy guy that no girls wants any contact with. It was a major turn off and it happened so fast. Since we didn’t get to know much about each other while working in a call center I wanted to spend that time trying to get to know him more as a person. He seemed to think I was a 900 number operator. Every time I’d try to have a decent conversation with him he’d turn it into something completely sexual. I’m not a prude, and that talk is fine with me, but when that’s your whole conversation I want nothing to do with it. I especially want nothing to do with it if the only question you have for me is “What’s your bra size?” As if you’re some 12 year old boy who’s discovering breasts for the first time. I’d gotten so sick of that question being asked every single time he talked I asked him, “Even if I were to tell you do you know anything about how bra sizes work?” Of course like most men his answer was “No.” I replied, “So, if we spent months with each other and you’ve seen my breast size, then what does a number do if you have no clue how bra sizes work? That question would only make sense if you were going to surprise me and buy me some bras. If you don’t plan on doing that then stop asking me that fucking question.” It stopped for a bit, but then his conversation became real dull which led me to believe that he really didn’t have anything to talk about other than sex or more specifically, my breasts. T never took the time to get to know me or to just even shoot the shit. He was only interested in boobs. It was a little weird and juvenile coming from someone in their mid-twenties.
My last straw with T was last October. I hadn’t talked to him in months and by chance he messaged me very early in the morning on my birthday. One of the first things he said to me was “Still got a huge rack?” Again, unless he had hella early onset Alzheimer’s he knows what I look like so why the constant questions about my tits? I went off and told him that I can’t talk to anyone who is going to constantly talk to me like I’m a piece of meat. More than that I’m not going to keep talking to someone who totally ignores me saying that it makes me feel very uncomfortable and dirty. More than that I told him that arguing with him was not how I was going to start out my birthday. I haven’t talked to him since. I think a few months after that he messaged me and I just straight up told him that I no longer have anything to say to him ever. Once I’m done with someone I’m done. I have no clue if he’s off perving it up with someone else or if he actually became a grown man that’s close to being 30. I guess I’ll never know and I’m more than okay with that.
-Asia Aneka Anderso, 2015(c)
We had only known each other for a few months before he eventually got fired. Even during that time we never told each other how we felt. It wasn’t until I had quit that job and moved back home a few states away. When I moved we were really bad at keeping contact with each other. One day out of the blue he told me how he felt about me. I was shocked and at the same time I wasn’t. I sort of thought that he felt the same, but I didn’t want to assume and end up getting rejected if I was wrong. When he texted me that he really liked me I asked him why he didn’t tell me a long time ago when I was still in the same city. His response was that he’s a very aggressive person and didn’t know how I’d take it because I was a “good girl” (whatever that meant). We started innocent flirting here and there, but for me it started to go a little sour almost right off the bat.
Back when I knew T he struck me as a dude with a personality I could click with and a sense of humor to match. After he told me he liked me that quickly shifted. He became that creeper/scummy guy that no girls wants any contact with. It was a major turn off and it happened so fast. Since we didn’t get to know much about each other while working in a call center I wanted to spend that time trying to get to know him more as a person. He seemed to think I was a 900 number operator. Every time I’d try to have a decent conversation with him he’d turn it into something completely sexual. I’m not a prude, and that talk is fine with me, but when that’s your whole conversation I want nothing to do with it. I especially want nothing to do with it if the only question you have for me is “What’s your bra size?” As if you’re some 12 year old boy who’s discovering breasts for the first time. I’d gotten so sick of that question being asked every single time he talked I asked him, “Even if I were to tell you do you know anything about how bra sizes work?” Of course like most men his answer was “No.” I replied, “So, if we spent months with each other and you’ve seen my breast size, then what does a number do if you have no clue how bra sizes work? That question would only make sense if you were going to surprise me and buy me some bras. If you don’t plan on doing that then stop asking me that fucking question.” It stopped for a bit, but then his conversation became real dull which led me to believe that he really didn’t have anything to talk about other than sex or more specifically, my breasts. T never took the time to get to know me or to just even shoot the shit. He was only interested in boobs. It was a little weird and juvenile coming from someone in their mid-twenties.
My last straw with T was last October. I hadn’t talked to him in months and by chance he messaged me very early in the morning on my birthday. One of the first things he said to me was “Still got a huge rack?” Again, unless he had hella early onset Alzheimer’s he knows what I look like so why the constant questions about my tits? I went off and told him that I can’t talk to anyone who is going to constantly talk to me like I’m a piece of meat. More than that I’m not going to keep talking to someone who totally ignores me saying that it makes me feel very uncomfortable and dirty. More than that I told him that arguing with him was not how I was going to start out my birthday. I haven’t talked to him since. I think a few months after that he messaged me and I just straight up told him that I no longer have anything to say to him ever. Once I’m done with someone I’m done. I have no clue if he’s off perving it up with someone else or if he actually became a grown man that’s close to being 30. I guess I’ll never know and I’m more than okay with that.
-Asia Aneka Anderso, 2015(c)
Tragic Crush Tales #6
Crush R didn’t really last long. He stepped into my life recently
only for things to take a complete nosedive not even 4 months after
first talking.
I first saw R while searching through the profiles of BlackPeopleMeet.com. He was actually one of the first people to catch my eye. Problem is he lives in Chicago and I left there a few years ago to get myself financially stable enough to return one day. Weeks later I received a message from him. He came off as a nice guy. He said really kind things about my looks and what I had on my profile and told me a little about himself. By the second or third time we talked we were already exchanging numbers.
At first he would text me often. He would even send me ‘good morning’ texts. That’s not even something I would get from guys in past relationships. He worked often and would have to take long bus/train rides everyday to and from work. That’s something I was all too familiar with since the last job I had while living in Chicago burdened me with a 2 hour trip both to and from work each day. After a few weeks his texts became less and less. I’m not the type of girl who gets upset if I don’t hear from a guy for a few days, especially since I really understood his situation. Even without that factor, I’ve just never been that girl. I would text him to wish him a good day at work and sometimes wouldn’t hear back for days. Again, no problem. Just get back to me when you have a free minute. What I did have a problem with is sometimes when I would text him not even an hour later he would be tweeting his ass off. It’s a pet peeve to text or message someone, who takes days to message back, only to see them extremely active on social media. I’ll give him this, he’s not on social media a whole lot, but to blow me off is a little rude.
A little over three months of talking to him we both kind of drifted. I had things going on in my life and I just felt like he was wasting my time. There were things from the start that bugged me about him, but I was trying to step outside of myself and not be so judgmental. I usually judge a book by its cover and I want to stop doing that. One of the very first red flags that came up is he’s a 36 year old man who types like a 14 year old in the days of MySpace. What I mean by this is Hi5 t3xts wud read l!K d!S. As someone who wants to be a writer this drove me fucking insane. No teenager should type like this let alone someone knocking on 40′s door. I looked past it though. Once I could decipher what he was saying he was saying all the right bullshit. The thing is I learned quickly that it was just that. Bullshit. In the past few years since I’ve been hurt by so many friends and potential mates I now REALLY listen to what people are saying and NOT saying. I’m 32 and have no time to mess around with a person and realize they’re not the one. Most days when R would talk about relationships and what he was looking for he would always just mention that he was just looking for “someone” or that he just “really needed some woman” in his life. It was never “I’m looking for a woman with ____ qualities.” He didn’t necessarily have to say that he was looking for someone like me, but most people say what it is that they’re looking for in a person, not just the next person that is willing to talk to them. It just always stood out to me. The second red flag was his obsession with “redbones”. I had never even heard of the term before him. Like a lot of young black men, I’ve seen lately, there’s this sick mentality that women of white or of a lighter complexion are more attractive than women with dark skin. Since I’m looking for a lifelong partner I couldn’t imagine starting a family with someone that has such a skewed view on his own people. I refuse to raise a daughter who will always be worried if her skin is light enough based on what she may overhear her father say and I definitely refuse to raise a son that will put down women based on their complexion. That was a huge turnoff for me, especially since I started to notice that he was more attracted to a skin color than actual features on a woman. Too many times did he bring up my light skin and even once grilling me asking me were my parents or grandparents light skinned I guess to see where I got it from. Whatever that means. The third red flag is how ill he spoke of the mother of his daughter. After just a few conversations with him he brought up that she was an asshole. Not sure why he felt the need to tell me that after just getting to know me. I know some people have horrible exes, but to bad mouth them to other folks you don’t know and on social media while you have a child with this person is a bit much. The final red flag which really made me throw up my hands is that he would continuously flirt with other chicks online.
I’m not 100% the jealous type, but most women will tell you that when it comes to other girls it’s them we’re worried about, not you, because we know how shady and slimy other chicks can be. Well, around the times when I’d text him and not get a reply, he’d be on Twitter and I noticed that sometimes he’d talk to one girl in particular. It didn’t happen a lot, but enough for me to notice. It was never a “Hey, what’s up?” …. I’m sorry. I meant it was never a “Hay wHuts uP?”. It was more flirtatious like heart emojis and telling her how fine she was etc. etc. So naturally I’d get pissed because I’d take the time out of my day to text him sweet messages to let him know that I was thinking about him and he would have the nerve to not reply, but would message another chick. I felt that if he could do that out in the open then no telling what private messages are like and not only that, she lived in Chicago too. One day it all came to a head because he did it and I called him out on it. I was dealing with my aunt’s declining health and was actually on my way to the hospital when I saw his tweet to this girl. I went off. He knew what I was dealing with at the time and knew that I didn’t appreciate him constantly talking to these other girls if he supposedly liked me. The excuse I got was that I did it too. What he was referring to is sometimes I’ll RT pics of male models, internet famous people, or actual famous people. One person in particular he brought up is a pic I RT’d of Michael B. Jordan. I informed him that he was an actor, and his reply was that if he didn’t know who he was then he wasn’t famous. I would guess he wouldn’t know MBJ seeing as he doesn’t even know what The Walking Dead was and that is the most popular show on TV. The logic was still stupid. I only know Zayn and Harry of 1D, does that make the other dudes less famous? No. I have no idea who Fifth Harmony is. Guess what? Still famous. I love Zendaya, but you know what? I have no idea what she does, but dammit she’s still famous. If R wanted to message every female celebrity or vine famous chick on this planet I could give 0 fucks. It was the fact that he was reaching out to accessible women and disrespecting me when I said that it made me uncomfortable. If me tweeting Idris Elba or any other celebrity made him uncomfortable if he had said something I would have toned it down out of respect for his feelings. I think what hurt me most was all the while, beforehand, he’d tell me that he couldn’t wait to meet me and things like that then turn around and become a jerk about something like this. Oh, and he also called me a “mother fucker” or in his broken English “mfs”. What grown man calls a woman that? It was all so very childish and I couldn’t believe that this person that I barely knew was bringing me down to their level.
By the time this was all said and done I was through. Good for him for saying and doing all the right things for all of about 3 weeks. The last thing I got from him which really made me put the period on the end of my sentence with him is he called me about a week before my aunt passed away. When he called I didn’t talk much. My mind was elsewhere as well as being extremely tired from sitting in the hospital from early in the morning to late at night. He knew all of what I was going through. Shortly after we hung up he subtweeted: “Her attitude was real shitty”. My aunt was dying and my attitude was “ real shitty.” I’m more than happy I’m done with that. Most men I’ve dated have been a few years younger than me. R was 4 years older than me and the most immature man I’ve ever had to deal with.
-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015 (c)
I first saw R while searching through the profiles of BlackPeopleMeet.com. He was actually one of the first people to catch my eye. Problem is he lives in Chicago and I left there a few years ago to get myself financially stable enough to return one day. Weeks later I received a message from him. He came off as a nice guy. He said really kind things about my looks and what I had on my profile and told me a little about himself. By the second or third time we talked we were already exchanging numbers.
At first he would text me often. He would even send me ‘good morning’ texts. That’s not even something I would get from guys in past relationships. He worked often and would have to take long bus/train rides everyday to and from work. That’s something I was all too familiar with since the last job I had while living in Chicago burdened me with a 2 hour trip both to and from work each day. After a few weeks his texts became less and less. I’m not the type of girl who gets upset if I don’t hear from a guy for a few days, especially since I really understood his situation. Even without that factor, I’ve just never been that girl. I would text him to wish him a good day at work and sometimes wouldn’t hear back for days. Again, no problem. Just get back to me when you have a free minute. What I did have a problem with is sometimes when I would text him not even an hour later he would be tweeting his ass off. It’s a pet peeve to text or message someone, who takes days to message back, only to see them extremely active on social media. I’ll give him this, he’s not on social media a whole lot, but to blow me off is a little rude.
A little over three months of talking to him we both kind of drifted. I had things going on in my life and I just felt like he was wasting my time. There were things from the start that bugged me about him, but I was trying to step outside of myself and not be so judgmental. I usually judge a book by its cover and I want to stop doing that. One of the very first red flags that came up is he’s a 36 year old man who types like a 14 year old in the days of MySpace. What I mean by this is Hi5 t3xts wud read l!K d!S. As someone who wants to be a writer this drove me fucking insane. No teenager should type like this let alone someone knocking on 40′s door. I looked past it though. Once I could decipher what he was saying he was saying all the right bullshit. The thing is I learned quickly that it was just that. Bullshit. In the past few years since I’ve been hurt by so many friends and potential mates I now REALLY listen to what people are saying and NOT saying. I’m 32 and have no time to mess around with a person and realize they’re not the one. Most days when R would talk about relationships and what he was looking for he would always just mention that he was just looking for “someone” or that he just “really needed some woman” in his life. It was never “I’m looking for a woman with ____ qualities.” He didn’t necessarily have to say that he was looking for someone like me, but most people say what it is that they’re looking for in a person, not just the next person that is willing to talk to them. It just always stood out to me. The second red flag was his obsession with “redbones”. I had never even heard of the term before him. Like a lot of young black men, I’ve seen lately, there’s this sick mentality that women of white or of a lighter complexion are more attractive than women with dark skin. Since I’m looking for a lifelong partner I couldn’t imagine starting a family with someone that has such a skewed view on his own people. I refuse to raise a daughter who will always be worried if her skin is light enough based on what she may overhear her father say and I definitely refuse to raise a son that will put down women based on their complexion. That was a huge turnoff for me, especially since I started to notice that he was more attracted to a skin color than actual features on a woman. Too many times did he bring up my light skin and even once grilling me asking me were my parents or grandparents light skinned I guess to see where I got it from. Whatever that means. The third red flag is how ill he spoke of the mother of his daughter. After just a few conversations with him he brought up that she was an asshole. Not sure why he felt the need to tell me that after just getting to know me. I know some people have horrible exes, but to bad mouth them to other folks you don’t know and on social media while you have a child with this person is a bit much. The final red flag which really made me throw up my hands is that he would continuously flirt with other chicks online.
I’m not 100% the jealous type, but most women will tell you that when it comes to other girls it’s them we’re worried about, not you, because we know how shady and slimy other chicks can be. Well, around the times when I’d text him and not get a reply, he’d be on Twitter and I noticed that sometimes he’d talk to one girl in particular. It didn’t happen a lot, but enough for me to notice. It was never a “Hey, what’s up?” …. I’m sorry. I meant it was never a “Hay wHuts uP?”. It was more flirtatious like heart emojis and telling her how fine she was etc. etc. So naturally I’d get pissed because I’d take the time out of my day to text him sweet messages to let him know that I was thinking about him and he would have the nerve to not reply, but would message another chick. I felt that if he could do that out in the open then no telling what private messages are like and not only that, she lived in Chicago too. One day it all came to a head because he did it and I called him out on it. I was dealing with my aunt’s declining health and was actually on my way to the hospital when I saw his tweet to this girl. I went off. He knew what I was dealing with at the time and knew that I didn’t appreciate him constantly talking to these other girls if he supposedly liked me. The excuse I got was that I did it too. What he was referring to is sometimes I’ll RT pics of male models, internet famous people, or actual famous people. One person in particular he brought up is a pic I RT’d of Michael B. Jordan. I informed him that he was an actor, and his reply was that if he didn’t know who he was then he wasn’t famous. I would guess he wouldn’t know MBJ seeing as he doesn’t even know what The Walking Dead was and that is the most popular show on TV. The logic was still stupid. I only know Zayn and Harry of 1D, does that make the other dudes less famous? No. I have no idea who Fifth Harmony is. Guess what? Still famous. I love Zendaya, but you know what? I have no idea what she does, but dammit she’s still famous. If R wanted to message every female celebrity or vine famous chick on this planet I could give 0 fucks. It was the fact that he was reaching out to accessible women and disrespecting me when I said that it made me uncomfortable. If me tweeting Idris Elba or any other celebrity made him uncomfortable if he had said something I would have toned it down out of respect for his feelings. I think what hurt me most was all the while, beforehand, he’d tell me that he couldn’t wait to meet me and things like that then turn around and become a jerk about something like this. Oh, and he also called me a “mother fucker” or in his broken English “mfs”. What grown man calls a woman that? It was all so very childish and I couldn’t believe that this person that I barely knew was bringing me down to their level.
By the time this was all said and done I was through. Good for him for saying and doing all the right things for all of about 3 weeks. The last thing I got from him which really made me put the period on the end of my sentence with him is he called me about a week before my aunt passed away. When he called I didn’t talk much. My mind was elsewhere as well as being extremely tired from sitting in the hospital from early in the morning to late at night. He knew all of what I was going through. Shortly after we hung up he subtweeted: “Her attitude was real shitty”. My aunt was dying and my attitude was “ real shitty.” I’m more than happy I’m done with that. Most men I’ve dated have been a few years younger than me. R was 4 years older than me and the most immature man I’ve ever had to deal with.
-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015 (c)
Tragic Crush Tales #5
Crush S I really didn’t give a chance. We met through a popular
dating site back in 2011. I was immediately attracted to him. He was a
nice looking guy, funny, and extremely intelligent. In my profile I left
a hint on how to find me on Facebook (as I do with all of my dating
profiles because I’m not paying for that shit) and he quickly found me.
We were able to converse there a bit more in order to get to know each
other.
With crush S we never really got a chance to meet. When we first started talking I was on a leave from work because I had fractured my foot. I was able to get around, but there was no way I was going to meet up with a great guy on a date and have a big boot on my foot. In the beginning the timing was just off for us. I was working for a company that left me zero time for a social life, now I had this fractured foot, and because of this stressful job I had gained a considerable amount of weight which left me feeling not so great about myself. With or without a fractured foot I wouldn’t have met S simply because of my weight gain. I’ll have to admit another reason why I was hesitant on meeting was because the pics from his dating profile and his Facebook were slightly different. Not different in a “I don’t think this is the same person” kind of way. They were different in a way where all of the pictures from his dating profile were very attractive, but his default pic on FB wasn’t as attractive. So I assumed his dating profile pics were most likely old and the FB one was probably more recent. That was lame on my part.
The weird thing about S is when we finally met it was purely by chance. It was a year later. I was attending Lollapalooza which was evacuated this particular day because of a bad storm. I went into a nearby Target to get out of the rain. As I walked around the store to kill time until the heavy rain calmed down I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw S walking towards me. I was surprised at how handsome he was and was completely caught off guard because I was totally soaked and had mud all over me. We talked for a few minutes until he said he had to get back to his….girlfriend. I knew I had screwed up and it was all due to my own severe insecurities and shallowness.
As time went on S and I would still talk from time to time on FB. I’d see a few girlfriends here and there and I also checked out his old girlfriends. I started to notice that they all sort of looked alike. They were all very afrocentric women with very African sounding names and he’s sort of a nerdy white guy (a cute nerdy white guy, but a nerdy white guy nonetheless). So even after he and the girlfriend I’d seen him with had broken up I still wasn’t sure about him. I had this feeling like he had a fetish of sorts. As someone who has dated outside of her race often I had plenty of boyfriends or potential boyfriends who were more or less dating me to try something different. It was hard for me to tell if this was S’s deal. I was tired of being someone’s fad or experience. I would hate to really fall for someone only to find out they just have a thing for black women and want to see what it’s like.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that S probably didn’t have an agenda in mind when it came to women he dated. There was a discussion on FB about police killing black men and the way he defended the black community, not only to his racist friends but to mine as well, made me change my mind about him. I didn’t change it because he stood for what was right. I changed my mind because he knew what he was talking about and was passionate and genuine about it. Before I had come to this realization I was already kicking myself because S really is a good guy. For the 4 1/2 years I lived in Chicago there were only two men I came across who where genuinely good guys; S was definitely one of them and crush L was the other. In recent years I haven’t come across a man with his level of intelligence and wit. I let this one slip through my fingers…. which I now see I’m good at doing.
Earlier this year I saw a post of my newsfeed that he had proposed to his girlfriend. I’m not going to bitch and moan about it. He deserves to be happy and with someone that makes him happy. I’m not in a position to do that with anyone yet. I still have a lot of work to do on myself so that I can learn to make myself happy instead of depending on others to fill that void. Once I’m there I’ll be ready to find someone as great as S. We’re still Facebook buds and talk here and there. I’m okay with being friends with him. God knows I need more positive people like him in my life, even if it’s just through social media.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
With crush S we never really got a chance to meet. When we first started talking I was on a leave from work because I had fractured my foot. I was able to get around, but there was no way I was going to meet up with a great guy on a date and have a big boot on my foot. In the beginning the timing was just off for us. I was working for a company that left me zero time for a social life, now I had this fractured foot, and because of this stressful job I had gained a considerable amount of weight which left me feeling not so great about myself. With or without a fractured foot I wouldn’t have met S simply because of my weight gain. I’ll have to admit another reason why I was hesitant on meeting was because the pics from his dating profile and his Facebook were slightly different. Not different in a “I don’t think this is the same person” kind of way. They were different in a way where all of the pictures from his dating profile were very attractive, but his default pic on FB wasn’t as attractive. So I assumed his dating profile pics were most likely old and the FB one was probably more recent. That was lame on my part.
The weird thing about S is when we finally met it was purely by chance. It was a year later. I was attending Lollapalooza which was evacuated this particular day because of a bad storm. I went into a nearby Target to get out of the rain. As I walked around the store to kill time until the heavy rain calmed down I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw S walking towards me. I was surprised at how handsome he was and was completely caught off guard because I was totally soaked and had mud all over me. We talked for a few minutes until he said he had to get back to his….girlfriend. I knew I had screwed up and it was all due to my own severe insecurities and shallowness.
As time went on S and I would still talk from time to time on FB. I’d see a few girlfriends here and there and I also checked out his old girlfriends. I started to notice that they all sort of looked alike. They were all very afrocentric women with very African sounding names and he’s sort of a nerdy white guy (a cute nerdy white guy, but a nerdy white guy nonetheless). So even after he and the girlfriend I’d seen him with had broken up I still wasn’t sure about him. I had this feeling like he had a fetish of sorts. As someone who has dated outside of her race often I had plenty of boyfriends or potential boyfriends who were more or less dating me to try something different. It was hard for me to tell if this was S’s deal. I was tired of being someone’s fad or experience. I would hate to really fall for someone only to find out they just have a thing for black women and want to see what it’s like.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that S probably didn’t have an agenda in mind when it came to women he dated. There was a discussion on FB about police killing black men and the way he defended the black community, not only to his racist friends but to mine as well, made me change my mind about him. I didn’t change it because he stood for what was right. I changed my mind because he knew what he was talking about and was passionate and genuine about it. Before I had come to this realization I was already kicking myself because S really is a good guy. For the 4 1/2 years I lived in Chicago there were only two men I came across who where genuinely good guys; S was definitely one of them and crush L was the other. In recent years I haven’t come across a man with his level of intelligence and wit. I let this one slip through my fingers…. which I now see I’m good at doing.
Earlier this year I saw a post of my newsfeed that he had proposed to his girlfriend. I’m not going to bitch and moan about it. He deserves to be happy and with someone that makes him happy. I’m not in a position to do that with anyone yet. I still have a lot of work to do on myself so that I can learn to make myself happy instead of depending on others to fill that void. Once I’m there I’ll be ready to find someone as great as S. We’re still Facebook buds and talk here and there. I’m okay with being friends with him. God knows I need more positive people like him in my life, even if it’s just through social media.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tragic Crush Tales #4
If you’ve read any of the lovey dovey type
poems I’ve posted as of late they are all about crush L. The only words I
can use to describe this man is: intelligent, caring, cool, laid back,
artistic, and the perfect match for me, truly.
I met him at my first job in Chicago back in 2009. When I first laid eyes on him I just knew he was someone I was going to click with. The romantic feelings didn’t start off right away. I still had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness because I’m in this big city by myself and hadn’t been there long, I was starting this job where most people had been for a long time, were a tight knit family, and I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know, and when I did start this job I was given a heads up that the store was closing in less than a year. With all of those feelings swirling in my head I had no time to stop and listen to my heart pitter-patter.
I quickly started to fit in and especially when months later a girl from another store came to work at ours. I instantly clicked with her, even though we were total opposites. By this time I had started looking at L in a different way. One day me and the girl were talking and she told me that she had liked L. They had known each other a while so I never said anything about my feelings. All my life I’ve only had one friend not go after a guy I liked and I’ll be damned if I do that to someone else. So from that moment on since L and I had the same interests, sort of the same attitude I started to call him my big brother. When I think about it the first time I called him that he looked kind of crushed. But I had to put that label out there to make my feelings subside so that I don’t make a move on my friends crush.
As months went on L and I got closer. Not in a romantic way, but in a sort of best friend way. I don’t have many people where I feel just opening up my soul too, but he was one of those people. He made me feel completely comfortable from the first conversation we had. There were a few times were after work we’d go walk and talk for what seemed like hours. A few times I’d be on the verge of tears because of whatever we were talking about and he would be the type of person to grab my hand and just listen. I never got any judgmental words from him let alone looks. I’d never gotten that feeling from any of my girlfriends let alone a guy.
One summer night we decided to meet up and go to this reggae club and no one else wanted to go with him. I really liked hanging out with him , but I was kind of nervous to go because he’s a real cool dude and I’m a black chick who can’t dance for shit. When we arrived everything was fine and fun, but he slowly started to get agitated that I wouldn’t dance. I’d try to do the minimal, but it seemed to annoy him that he kept trying to get me out of my shell and I refused to. We only stayed a few hours and I guess he got tired of watching me pretty much just stand around. When we left, I don’t know how it happened, but all of a sudden we were in a screaming match as we walked down the street. I don’t know if he felt like I ruined his good night or if he was upset that I didn’t let loose, but I do know we were literally screaming at each other. It was weird though, once we got on the bus we were mad at first then we kinda looked at each other and that anger was completely gone. Once we got downtown we decided to just keep the night going since the buses that would take us home all the way to the south side had long since stopped running for the night. We bar hopped a bit and then decided to go to the beach. We climbed onto the lifeguard stand and talked for hours until the sun rose. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but it was one of the best nights I had in Chicago. Honestly, I lived there for over 4 years and the only other awesome nights I had was seeing Paul McCartney for the first time, seeing U2 for the first time, and seeing Coldplay, RHCP, and Jack White at Lollapalooza. Still my night with L ranks above most of these events.
The only downside to my night with L is that the sexual tension was high and nothing happened. We did the most romantic thing in the world like watching the sunrise and absolutely nothing happened. I was torn. I didn’t know if his anger from earlier that night was because he liked me and didn’t know how to say it (because that’s definitely where my anger came from) or if he didn’t like me in that way at all. It could’ve been possible that he didn’t think I liked him in that way. Either way it was an opportunity lost.
Another opportunity happened when we went to see “Hot Tub Time Machine” after work one day. Afterwards we went for a walk and talked again for hours. At one point I could feel him lean in, but again nothing happened. I had even looked into his eyes, not backing away, and still nothing. In the back of my mind was always that my friend liked him and the only way I was going to act on anything is if he acted first, but we never got to that point.
By summer of 2010 I had found another job, which the girl who also liked L helped me get, in just enough time before this job closed shop. My new job worked me like a dog, so I barely had time for me let alone trying to keep in contact with other people. L and I would talk here and there and then slowly it turned into the occasional “Hello” or “Happy birthday” on Facebook. As of late he’s really been on my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I want to settle down and build something with someone and when I think of the perfect mate it’s his face that pops up. I’ve tried talking with other men whom I do like, but in the end of the day it comes straight back to him. Just as in “Hot Tub Time Machine” I really believe he was my great white buffalo.
I know most of my Tragic Tales are about asshole exes and crushes in my life who had done me wrong in some way, but this is a different type of tragic. It’s tragic because perhaps we would’ve been great together. Perhaps we would have flourished. He very well may have been the one and I ran from that because I chose friendship over possible happiness. It’s even more tragic because to this day I’m still terrified to tell him how I feel. How do you tell a person you haven’t said much to in 3 years that you can’t stop thinking about them? The shy girl in me posts obscure statuses on Facebook hoping he’ll see and get the hidden meaning and say something. Most likely I know I’ll post this with that same foolish hope. I tell myself that if it’s meant to be it will be, but I know that there is no way he will ever know what is in my heart unless I actually tell him and I know that’s something I don’t have the courage to do. I don’t want to face the rejection of him telling me he’s with someone, or even worse, married, or even worse than that, him telling me he never saw me that way at all. As much as I think about him it’s a risk I should be taking, but it’s a risk I’m just not willing to take yet. Just another opportunity wasted.
I met him at my first job in Chicago back in 2009. When I first laid eyes on him I just knew he was someone I was going to click with. The romantic feelings didn’t start off right away. I still had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness because I’m in this big city by myself and hadn’t been there long, I was starting this job where most people had been for a long time, were a tight knit family, and I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know, and when I did start this job I was given a heads up that the store was closing in less than a year. With all of those feelings swirling in my head I had no time to stop and listen to my heart pitter-patter.
I quickly started to fit in and especially when months later a girl from another store came to work at ours. I instantly clicked with her, even though we were total opposites. By this time I had started looking at L in a different way. One day me and the girl were talking and she told me that she had liked L. They had known each other a while so I never said anything about my feelings. All my life I’ve only had one friend not go after a guy I liked and I’ll be damned if I do that to someone else. So from that moment on since L and I had the same interests, sort of the same attitude I started to call him my big brother. When I think about it the first time I called him that he looked kind of crushed. But I had to put that label out there to make my feelings subside so that I don’t make a move on my friends crush.
As months went on L and I got closer. Not in a romantic way, but in a sort of best friend way. I don’t have many people where I feel just opening up my soul too, but he was one of those people. He made me feel completely comfortable from the first conversation we had. There were a few times were after work we’d go walk and talk for what seemed like hours. A few times I’d be on the verge of tears because of whatever we were talking about and he would be the type of person to grab my hand and just listen. I never got any judgmental words from him let alone looks. I’d never gotten that feeling from any of my girlfriends let alone a guy.
One summer night we decided to meet up and go to this reggae club and no one else wanted to go with him. I really liked hanging out with him , but I was kind of nervous to go because he’s a real cool dude and I’m a black chick who can’t dance for shit. When we arrived everything was fine and fun, but he slowly started to get agitated that I wouldn’t dance. I’d try to do the minimal, but it seemed to annoy him that he kept trying to get me out of my shell and I refused to. We only stayed a few hours and I guess he got tired of watching me pretty much just stand around. When we left, I don’t know how it happened, but all of a sudden we were in a screaming match as we walked down the street. I don’t know if he felt like I ruined his good night or if he was upset that I didn’t let loose, but I do know we were literally screaming at each other. It was weird though, once we got on the bus we were mad at first then we kinda looked at each other and that anger was completely gone. Once we got downtown we decided to just keep the night going since the buses that would take us home all the way to the south side had long since stopped running for the night. We bar hopped a bit and then decided to go to the beach. We climbed onto the lifeguard stand and talked for hours until the sun rose. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but it was one of the best nights I had in Chicago. Honestly, I lived there for over 4 years and the only other awesome nights I had was seeing Paul McCartney for the first time, seeing U2 for the first time, and seeing Coldplay, RHCP, and Jack White at Lollapalooza. Still my night with L ranks above most of these events.
The only downside to my night with L is that the sexual tension was high and nothing happened. We did the most romantic thing in the world like watching the sunrise and absolutely nothing happened. I was torn. I didn’t know if his anger from earlier that night was because he liked me and didn’t know how to say it (because that’s definitely where my anger came from) or if he didn’t like me in that way at all. It could’ve been possible that he didn’t think I liked him in that way. Either way it was an opportunity lost.
Another opportunity happened when we went to see “Hot Tub Time Machine” after work one day. Afterwards we went for a walk and talked again for hours. At one point I could feel him lean in, but again nothing happened. I had even looked into his eyes, not backing away, and still nothing. In the back of my mind was always that my friend liked him and the only way I was going to act on anything is if he acted first, but we never got to that point.
By summer of 2010 I had found another job, which the girl who also liked L helped me get, in just enough time before this job closed shop. My new job worked me like a dog, so I barely had time for me let alone trying to keep in contact with other people. L and I would talk here and there and then slowly it turned into the occasional “Hello” or “Happy birthday” on Facebook. As of late he’s really been on my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I want to settle down and build something with someone and when I think of the perfect mate it’s his face that pops up. I’ve tried talking with other men whom I do like, but in the end of the day it comes straight back to him. Just as in “Hot Tub Time Machine” I really believe he was my great white buffalo.
I know most of my Tragic Tales are about asshole exes and crushes in my life who had done me wrong in some way, but this is a different type of tragic. It’s tragic because perhaps we would’ve been great together. Perhaps we would have flourished. He very well may have been the one and I ran from that because I chose friendship over possible happiness. It’s even more tragic because to this day I’m still terrified to tell him how I feel. How do you tell a person you haven’t said much to in 3 years that you can’t stop thinking about them? The shy girl in me posts obscure statuses on Facebook hoping he’ll see and get the hidden meaning and say something. Most likely I know I’ll post this with that same foolish hope. I tell myself that if it’s meant to be it will be, but I know that there is no way he will ever know what is in my heart unless I actually tell him and I know that’s something I don’t have the courage to do. I don’t want to face the rejection of him telling me he’s with someone, or even worse, married, or even worse than that, him telling me he never saw me that way at all. As much as I think about him it’s a risk I should be taking, but it’s a risk I’m just not willing to take yet. Just another opportunity wasted.
Tragic Crush Tales #3
Crush
G was the shit sprinkles on top of a shit sundae that 2013 was starting
out to be. I had met G on Twitter of all places. We noticed each other
through a mutual person we were following. The weird thing about it is
the person we were following was the girl who was the main person in the
Catfish finale of season 1. That should have been a sign. Well, one day
she was tweeting about not being able to find love (this was all before
her episode even aired) and we both at the same time were trying to
give her encouraging words. We both saw each other and liked what we saw
and it all started from there. We’d message each other all the time and
send little flirtatious tweets back and forth.
As sad as it sounds during this time he became my everything. Just a few months earlier I was kicked out of my place in Chicago and had to move back to Dayton. People that I called my very best friends were super excited I was coming back home, but when I did land in Ohio I never heard from these people (and now it’s almost 2015 and I really still haven’t). Losing my place and returning to hell was depressing enough, when my friends completely abandoned me when I needed them most made my world crumble. I had no one else, so I latched onto G. He said all the right things and made me feel cared for. Soon we were texting to get to know each other better than what 140 characters can hold. We talked about likes, dislikes, exes, and family. Something that always stuck out in my mind was once when I asked him about his last relationship he said they had broken up that summer (I started talking to him in January 2013) because she was just “crazy” but that she was still in is life because they had kids together. I asked how many kids, and he stated he had 3. One kid that was his, one that was hers from a previous relationship but since the father was not around he stepped up to assume the role. He never described the third, which I thought was weird, but I ignored because I was just happy to finally get to know him better.
We talked everyday for weeks, whether it was by text, Twitter, or a few times talking on the phone. During those few weeks there were a few times where he started to act really strange. I could say something really simple or tweet about something that had nothing to do with him and he would completely lose his shit. We wouldn’t talk for a few days and then everything would be back to normal. He would go back to leaving cutesy tweets about how much he liked me and things of that nature. By late January we were still messaging each other everyday and talking about meeting each other soon and he had even told me that he was looking for jobs near me so that he could move here. I was happy about the news, but I knew he would have to be insane to move here from Detroit and only be able to see his kids probably a few times a year. I still thought it was a nice gesture seeing as by that point my friends were still nowhere in sight. One day in February I texted him because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days since he had started a new job. He replied saying he was busy with work, as I had assumed, and that he was scared of his feelings for me. “I’m falling for you hard, Asia. It’s crazy.” I was shocked, but honestly I was feeling the same way. “There’s three words I want to tell you so bad,” he said. I cared for him a lot, but saying “I love you” wasn’t in my vocabulary at that time. I don’t throw that around lightly. We talked a bit more and he was understanding as to why I didn’t want to rush those kinds of feelings since we hadn’t met yet.
For a few more weeks things were going great. Not even a two weeks later he sent me a text saying that he’s getting back together with his kids mom to make their family work. I wasn’t upset about that. If you both care about each other and want to make it work for the kids then you should do that. I was upset because not too long before he’s practically saying he loved me and days after he continued to tell me how much he wanted to be with me. I was totally confused by that. Instead of trying to help me understand as to how feelings like that can be turned off like a light switch, he decided to subtweet me on Twitter like a juvenile saying I was trying to break up his family. I was extremely pissed by that point. How dare you spring this news on me and then talk shit about me like I’m the bad guy?
A few weeks later I received a message on Facebook from an account I had never seen before. It was his kids mom. At first she tried to get huffy with me until I had to keep drilling into her head that I knew nothing about her other than they had kids together. She first told me she found out about me by seeing some messages of mine on his phone and when she questioned him he just told her that I was “crazy.” I told her it figured since he said the same of her. We started to compare notes. He told me that they had broken up summer ‘12. She said they had, but got back together by November which means a month after that he started talking to me. I put two and two together that the few days I didn’t hear from him or the few times he went ape shit on me for no reason are times that his gf was probably coming over and he had to find some way to get rid of me for a few days. She told me they had the one kid together and one on the way. It started to click of that time when he told me of his kids and only described two, I do suppose it’s hard to describe a kid that isn’t born yet. It wasn’t as if she was a few months pregnant either, she was about to burst by this time. She said they were pretty much married. Not sure if she meant legally or they were “FB married.” Either way I didn’t give a shit. I told her I had 90% of all our texts and tweets saved. She wanted me to text them to her, but I’m sorry, if he was nuts then most likely she was too. There was no way in hell I was going to give her access to my number (the phone I had wouldn’t let me screen shot so I couldn’t have messaged her on FB with them).
I blocked both of them on all social media. As I searched to see if they had any backup accounts that I should block as well I found old ones of theirs on Twitter and most of the timelines consisted of them arguing back and forth. So it’s possible they’re both “crazy” and are the type of couple who will continually break up every 6-8 months while popping out babies.
I’d like to say that after this happened I brushed it off in a “Fuck him” sort of way, but I didn’t. The way my year was already going I just saw it as another person who felt the need to use and abandon me and for that I say “fuck him”. It’s things like this that make me put up a wall with people. I don’t understand someone who can lie about something like that. Either be with your girl or not, but if you’re going to be with her don’t emotionally cheat on her with other people and hurt multiple people in the process. Yes, I’m sure there were other girls besides me. And yes he is a dick for that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
As sad as it sounds during this time he became my everything. Just a few months earlier I was kicked out of my place in Chicago and had to move back to Dayton. People that I called my very best friends were super excited I was coming back home, but when I did land in Ohio I never heard from these people (and now it’s almost 2015 and I really still haven’t). Losing my place and returning to hell was depressing enough, when my friends completely abandoned me when I needed them most made my world crumble. I had no one else, so I latched onto G. He said all the right things and made me feel cared for. Soon we were texting to get to know each other better than what 140 characters can hold. We talked about likes, dislikes, exes, and family. Something that always stuck out in my mind was once when I asked him about his last relationship he said they had broken up that summer (I started talking to him in January 2013) because she was just “crazy” but that she was still in is life because they had kids together. I asked how many kids, and he stated he had 3. One kid that was his, one that was hers from a previous relationship but since the father was not around he stepped up to assume the role. He never described the third, which I thought was weird, but I ignored because I was just happy to finally get to know him better.
We talked everyday for weeks, whether it was by text, Twitter, or a few times talking on the phone. During those few weeks there were a few times where he started to act really strange. I could say something really simple or tweet about something that had nothing to do with him and he would completely lose his shit. We wouldn’t talk for a few days and then everything would be back to normal. He would go back to leaving cutesy tweets about how much he liked me and things of that nature. By late January we were still messaging each other everyday and talking about meeting each other soon and he had even told me that he was looking for jobs near me so that he could move here. I was happy about the news, but I knew he would have to be insane to move here from Detroit and only be able to see his kids probably a few times a year. I still thought it was a nice gesture seeing as by that point my friends were still nowhere in sight. One day in February I texted him because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days since he had started a new job. He replied saying he was busy with work, as I had assumed, and that he was scared of his feelings for me. “I’m falling for you hard, Asia. It’s crazy.” I was shocked, but honestly I was feeling the same way. “There’s three words I want to tell you so bad,” he said. I cared for him a lot, but saying “I love you” wasn’t in my vocabulary at that time. I don’t throw that around lightly. We talked a bit more and he was understanding as to why I didn’t want to rush those kinds of feelings since we hadn’t met yet.
For a few more weeks things were going great. Not even a two weeks later he sent me a text saying that he’s getting back together with his kids mom to make their family work. I wasn’t upset about that. If you both care about each other and want to make it work for the kids then you should do that. I was upset because not too long before he’s practically saying he loved me and days after he continued to tell me how much he wanted to be with me. I was totally confused by that. Instead of trying to help me understand as to how feelings like that can be turned off like a light switch, he decided to subtweet me on Twitter like a juvenile saying I was trying to break up his family. I was extremely pissed by that point. How dare you spring this news on me and then talk shit about me like I’m the bad guy?
A few weeks later I received a message on Facebook from an account I had never seen before. It was his kids mom. At first she tried to get huffy with me until I had to keep drilling into her head that I knew nothing about her other than they had kids together. She first told me she found out about me by seeing some messages of mine on his phone and when she questioned him he just told her that I was “crazy.” I told her it figured since he said the same of her. We started to compare notes. He told me that they had broken up summer ‘12. She said they had, but got back together by November which means a month after that he started talking to me. I put two and two together that the few days I didn’t hear from him or the few times he went ape shit on me for no reason are times that his gf was probably coming over and he had to find some way to get rid of me for a few days. She told me they had the one kid together and one on the way. It started to click of that time when he told me of his kids and only described two, I do suppose it’s hard to describe a kid that isn’t born yet. It wasn’t as if she was a few months pregnant either, she was about to burst by this time. She said they were pretty much married. Not sure if she meant legally or they were “FB married.” Either way I didn’t give a shit. I told her I had 90% of all our texts and tweets saved. She wanted me to text them to her, but I’m sorry, if he was nuts then most likely she was too. There was no way in hell I was going to give her access to my number (the phone I had wouldn’t let me screen shot so I couldn’t have messaged her on FB with them).
I blocked both of them on all social media. As I searched to see if they had any backup accounts that I should block as well I found old ones of theirs on Twitter and most of the timelines consisted of them arguing back and forth. So it’s possible they’re both “crazy” and are the type of couple who will continually break up every 6-8 months while popping out babies.
I’d like to say that after this happened I brushed it off in a “Fuck him” sort of way, but I didn’t. The way my year was already going I just saw it as another person who felt the need to use and abandon me and for that I say “fuck him”. It’s things like this that make me put up a wall with people. I don’t understand someone who can lie about something like that. Either be with your girl or not, but if you’re going to be with her don’t emotionally cheat on her with other people and hurt multiple people in the process. Yes, I’m sure there were other girls besides me. And yes he is a dick for that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
Tragic Crush Tales #2
When I was a freshman in high school there was
this guy who was absolutely gorgeous. G was this sexy chocolate dude,
who seemed sweet, his family was religious, and he had an amazing voice.
We were in choir together. We didn’t talk TOO much, but he was always
nice when we did. He was very easy going and I have always been very
shy. Somehow my best friend got his number and we would call him often,
giggling like 14 year old girls usually do when you talk to the cute boy
in class. One day after school I decided to stay behind with my best
friend and roam around our new school. We watched the boys practice
basketball, bugged a few of our favorite teachers, and we came across G
roaming the halls. As soon as we saw him my friend pushed me towards him
and bolted to “give us time alone to flirt” cause she knew I wouldn’t
do without a metaphorical, or in this case, physical push. We only
chatted for a few minutes and before I knew it he pulled me off into
this little nook and pushed me up against the wall. He clawed at me,
trying to lift up my shirt. I tried to pull away from him and told him
to stop, but he wouldn’t. Finally by the time I said “No” for the 5th
time and kept struggling, he let me go.
Sidebar: To people who think when girls are assaulted or raped it must be because they were dressed provocatively, I was in a big baggy Tweety Bird shirt with those huge skater men’s jeans that were popular in the late 90s/early 2000s which were written and drawn all over by me and my friends. No cleavage or skin tight pants. I was in men’s clothes. So stop it with the victim blaming that it must be how the girl is dressed. K? K.
Well once I got away from him I ran to find my friend and told her we had to leave immediately. On the walk home I told her what had happened and that I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want people to make a big deal of it. The next day I told a few friends of mine and my guy best friend who wanted to kill him by that point. One friend I told looked at me strange when I told her and she confessed she had the same run in with him too. Once she found out he did it to someone else she pressured me that we both had to tell someone before it happened again. It took me a few days to tell my parents and when I did my dad showed up at the school mad as hell. There was a meeting between him, both our parents, and me, where his mom, in so many words, said I was asking for it because I liked him and called him a few times. After the meeting was over his dad pulled my dad aside to apologize and to tell him that he completely believed everything I said. I thought it was funny that his dad understood the pain I was going through, but his mom, another woman, wanted to point the finger. As time went on he showed up to school less and less. After I told my story I think one or two other girls came forward which ruined his image as a good christian boy, I guess. I’m not sure if he ever graduated or dropped out altogether because by sophomore year he was never seen again.
Years later I realized that possibly this one person had an effect on my dating life for years. After this happened I stopped dating black men altogether. I don’t know if it was because of this, but I do know for a fact that’s when it stopped. I even stopped finding black men attractive at that point. I had to sit back and change my whole thought process when it came to men and dating. Without even knowing I let his actions influence me and I knew I couldn’t do it any longer. I don’t know what he’s doing with his life now and don’t care. Last I saw him was about 6 years later. There was a competition at our local mall for American Idol and I went to try out. I saw him there scoping out the high school girls at the mall. Once a perv, always a perv, I guess.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
Sidebar: To people who think when girls are assaulted or raped it must be because they were dressed provocatively, I was in a big baggy Tweety Bird shirt with those huge skater men’s jeans that were popular in the late 90s/early 2000s which were written and drawn all over by me and my friends. No cleavage or skin tight pants. I was in men’s clothes. So stop it with the victim blaming that it must be how the girl is dressed. K? K.
Well once I got away from him I ran to find my friend and told her we had to leave immediately. On the walk home I told her what had happened and that I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want people to make a big deal of it. The next day I told a few friends of mine and my guy best friend who wanted to kill him by that point. One friend I told looked at me strange when I told her and she confessed she had the same run in with him too. Once she found out he did it to someone else she pressured me that we both had to tell someone before it happened again. It took me a few days to tell my parents and when I did my dad showed up at the school mad as hell. There was a meeting between him, both our parents, and me, where his mom, in so many words, said I was asking for it because I liked him and called him a few times. After the meeting was over his dad pulled my dad aside to apologize and to tell him that he completely believed everything I said. I thought it was funny that his dad understood the pain I was going through, but his mom, another woman, wanted to point the finger. As time went on he showed up to school less and less. After I told my story I think one or two other girls came forward which ruined his image as a good christian boy, I guess. I’m not sure if he ever graduated or dropped out altogether because by sophomore year he was never seen again.
Years later I realized that possibly this one person had an effect on my dating life for years. After this happened I stopped dating black men altogether. I don’t know if it was because of this, but I do know for a fact that’s when it stopped. I even stopped finding black men attractive at that point. I had to sit back and change my whole thought process when it came to men and dating. Without even knowing I let his actions influence me and I knew I couldn’t do it any longer. I don’t know what he’s doing with his life now and don’t care. Last I saw him was about 6 years later. There was a competition at our local mall for American Idol and I went to try out. I saw him there scoping out the high school girls at the mall. Once a perv, always a perv, I guess.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
Tragic Crush Tales #1
Crush D was kind of a complicated situation.
He was my manager. It wasn’t as awkward as you would think. We were the
same age, he was covered in tattoos, a sneaker head, etc. So he wasn’t
this stuck up bent out of shape slave driver that comes to mind when you
think “boss”. He was hella cool and flirtatious and he helped me out a
lot when it came to giving me more hours. So I was more drawn to his
personality, as well as most other girls that worked with us. Everyone
was in love with this dude.
Around Christmastime one year most of us decided to head to a popular club to celebrate the holidays and he kept asking me that whole week if I was going. For me it wasn’t really worth it because I lived pretty far and the bus that would take me home stopped running at 12:30am and I didn’t want to be that party pooper who had to leave after about an hour. That didn’t keep him from asking me so I started to reply with “I’ll go if you drop me off at home so I don’t have to catch the bus.” He’d never reply back he’d just laugh and go back to work. Well I ended up going anyways and decided I’d either see if he could take me home or try to crash with someone else. We partied the whole night and I got drunk enough by the end of it to tell him how I felt. I just went up to him and said “You know I like you, right?” and all he said was “Ok.” and smiled. The next morning I got to work hungover as hell. I hadn’t even been there that long until people who, weren’t even at the club or left early, started coming up to me and asking me “Did you ask D to go home with you?” I was entirely too hungover for the rumor mill that morning. “No. I just asked him to take me home since he kept bugging me to go. I didn’t want to be stranded with nowhere to go unless I couldn’t crash at anyone’s place.” I was so confused because I’d made it clear to him that I just needed a ride, not a ride and *wink wink*. “Well, he’s telling people that you asked him to come to your apartment.” I was so pissed off. Here’s someone that, yeah I had a crush on, but I also respected now he’s going around and spreading rumors that I asked him to come to my place. Drunk or not I know I wouldn’t have said it because my apartment looked like a frat lived there; clothes, pizza boxes, and beer bottles everywhere, not to mention I had an air mattress that was half deflated. Not exactly a place you ask someone to come back to for a fuck session. At that moment not only did my crush on him end but so did my respect for him. I was not that kind of girl and to have someone I, and everyone else, respected start a rumor like that hurt. I was also hurt because when it comes to crushes I’m terrified (more than what’s considered normal) to tell the person. In my life there’s been only about 3 or 4 people I got up the nerve to say something and this time backfired big time. The rumor went away by the end of the following week, but it’s something I’ll always remember and I haven’t told anyone I’ve liked them since. I’ll just keep that to myself or let my body language do all the talking.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
Around Christmastime one year most of us decided to head to a popular club to celebrate the holidays and he kept asking me that whole week if I was going. For me it wasn’t really worth it because I lived pretty far and the bus that would take me home stopped running at 12:30am and I didn’t want to be that party pooper who had to leave after about an hour. That didn’t keep him from asking me so I started to reply with “I’ll go if you drop me off at home so I don’t have to catch the bus.” He’d never reply back he’d just laugh and go back to work. Well I ended up going anyways and decided I’d either see if he could take me home or try to crash with someone else. We partied the whole night and I got drunk enough by the end of it to tell him how I felt. I just went up to him and said “You know I like you, right?” and all he said was “Ok.” and smiled. The next morning I got to work hungover as hell. I hadn’t even been there that long until people who, weren’t even at the club or left early, started coming up to me and asking me “Did you ask D to go home with you?” I was entirely too hungover for the rumor mill that morning. “No. I just asked him to take me home since he kept bugging me to go. I didn’t want to be stranded with nowhere to go unless I couldn’t crash at anyone’s place.” I was so confused because I’d made it clear to him that I just needed a ride, not a ride and *wink wink*. “Well, he’s telling people that you asked him to come to your apartment.” I was so pissed off. Here’s someone that, yeah I had a crush on, but I also respected now he’s going around and spreading rumors that I asked him to come to my place. Drunk or not I know I wouldn’t have said it because my apartment looked like a frat lived there; clothes, pizza boxes, and beer bottles everywhere, not to mention I had an air mattress that was half deflated. Not exactly a place you ask someone to come back to for a fuck session. At that moment not only did my crush on him end but so did my respect for him. I was not that kind of girl and to have someone I, and everyone else, respected start a rumor like that hurt. I was also hurt because when it comes to crushes I’m terrified (more than what’s considered normal) to tell the person. In my life there’s been only about 3 or 4 people I got up the nerve to say something and this time backfired big time. The rumor went away by the end of the following week, but it’s something I’ll always remember and I haven’t told anyone I’ve liked them since. I’ll just keep that to myself or let my body language do all the talking.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
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