The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: What I Ask Of This New Year

       Even though we’re already more than a few weeks into the year it is never too late to ask the universe what good things to bring into your life and what negative things you don’t want to follow you from the year prior.
        This new year I want to bring new and exciting journeys. This doesn’t have to mean travel, although that is part of my plan. To me it also means new paths in life that were once closed off before, but the brush is now starting to clear. This year I have returned to school after almost a decade. It’s been sort of rocky because I’ve been out of practice for so long, but I’m more excited beyond words. If there’s anything in my life that I truly love(d) doing it was learning. I changed my major from Journalism/Communications to Creative Writing and I have found my calling. I love my classes and I love being back in a classroom. This is my journey that will open up the door to more journeys in the near future and so on.
       I still have this amazing man in my life. That is another learning opportunity. Learning to love someone. Also learning to love myself the way that he loves me while also learning to see myself as he sees me. Most of the time he wants whats better for me than I do for myself. I need to follow that journey to loving myself, but it is a rough road, even though it may not be as rough as it may seem in my eyes. He has a great teenage daughter. Another journey, I thought I’d never see myself taking, is being a positive influence. To show her the loving relationship I have with her dad. She’s very much a daddy’s girl as I was and if he’s happy, she’s happy. Same as I was with my dad.
        Speaking of this man in my life, let’s talk about actual physical journeys. For several years I traveled alone. I had no problem with that and also met a lot of great people on the way. This time around I get to share that with someone. That’s an added bonus. We get to do things that we both love to do, share in some great experiences, and make lots of memories together.
        This is the year of big steps. Right after the new year I met with my therapist and I read her my bucket list and she suggested that I tackle a few this year. And why not? I hope to find a home with my love and his daughter. That’s a huge step in my book. I’ve always wanted to do some type of acting. As a matter of fact, with the stories that I’m writing I’d love to turn them into scripts and possibly play the main characters that I pour my heart into. I hope to take a chance and try some local theater to see how it goes. I may not be as bad as I think. As of right now I’m taking a novel writing class and there is no better way to get a gigantic kick in the ass than getting told that to have to write 30-60 pages (three chapters) of a novel. With this push I am hoping to get my novel completely done by the end of the year. This is definitely the push that I needed.
        I want freedom. That is something that is so important to me and something I haven’t felt since I left Chicago. Even though the struggle, while living there, I still felt this unbelievable freedom. I want to feel that again. I want to feel like I am living life on my own terms without asking permission of anyone. Life with no boundaries. Freedom is what I want from 2018 and every year after. 
        I want this to be the year that I shed the skin of past years. I am a sponge. I absorb a lot of pain; my own, my loved ones, my friends, my coworkers, etc. I have always been that person. I feel so heavy. So full of pain, hate, and stress. It’s time that I wring myself out and become new. It’s time to let the negativity slide off of me instead of cutting deep and sticking to me like glue. I will never be a bubbly person because that is not who I am at my core, but the agitated person that I am now is not me either. I am snarky and sarcastic, but I am not bitter and hateful. This is, sadly, what I have become as a way to maneuver in my environment. I will not be stressed by the small things. I will except things for what they are and not beat myself over the head for things I cannot change. This is easier said than done, but it’s about time I stop punishing myself. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair for the people who try to love me and I make it difficult.
        All I want from this year is growth. Not only for me, but for everyone. Learn something new. Risk it all sometimes because it might be worth it. Don’t beat yourself up if it wasn’t. Take plenty of chances. Don’t overthink. Do something different. Break from a routine. Say “yes” more than “no”. Make lots and lots of memories. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t stick around for someone’s abuse or negativity no matter how much you may love them. Some you have to love from afar, and that’s completely okay. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for loving yourself enough to say “no more”. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than. Love you enough that you don’t care what they think. Don’t shame each other. We all bring something unique to the table so don’t bring down someone because their unique is different from yours. More love and less hate is universal. That is and should always be the motto.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Farewell 2017

Well well well, 2017. You really outdid yourself. The last few years of my life seemed to be a downward spiral of tragedy, heartbreak, death, loss, and well little good seemed to come from 2012-2016. It took 2017 to show me that there is a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
        When we started I just wanted 2016 to end. We’d lost so many icons and I lost my own personal hero, my father. 2016 was probably the toughest of my life. 2017 brought me a few adventures. I was able to attend of few comic cons. Traveled to Cleveland with my best friend, (the first road trip we’ve had in years) so that I could meet Anthony Mackie. Over the course of the year I’ve met David Tennant, Billy Boyd, and John Barrowman. I got to visit my second home, Chicago, twice this year. One of those times to see my favorite band, U2. Seeing the Joshua Tree Tour was such an amazing moment that I will cherish. 2017 gave that to me. I got a tattoo to honor my father and had my mother there with me to experience it. It was emotional, but at the same time, beautiful. Late July my best friend had a baby boy. I was and am so happy for her. I get to see her become the most amazing mom that I knew she would always be. I also get some practice just in case this bitter old lady decides she wants to have some of her own. I will admit that, even though I’ve spent my whole life saying I’d never have children, I’m leaning more the opposite direction.The reason for that is what has made my whole year. I (re)met an old friend from high school and, to my surprise, fell in love with him. I’ve dealt with so many losers in my life I didn’t even know what it was like to be with an understanding, caring, decent man. Now that I have him I never plan to let him go. He is the biggest gift 2017 has ever given me.
       I can’t wait to see what 2018 has to offer. I will be starting the year by returning to school. My year will start off in a positive direction. I hope 2018 will bring more happiness to my relationship, my life, my career, my family, and my friends. Finally, just finally I feel like things are starting to look up.


-Asia Aneka Anderson 2017©