Day 273: I found it. I've found the bus I'd love to travel the country in.
*It's not mine, but this bus is pretty damn cool. #IAmProofOfASweetDream #MagicalMysteryTour #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
“Marching To The Beat Of My Own Drum” Asia Aneka Anderson 2015© 

I Don't Wanna Be A Writer

I don’t wanna be a writer.
The thoughts that never stop.
My mind always racing.
My eyes always open.
No pair of rose colored glasses in my possession.
Seeing the world in it’s true form.
The hurt.
The pain.
Constantly aware.
I don’t wanna be a writer.
My characters are all I relate to.
Different imaginary versions of myself.
They suffer as I suffer.
No place they belong.
They understand only me as I only understand them.
I don’t wanna be a writer.
The burden is too heavy.
The plot is too deep.
Leaving all reality behind.
I don’t wanna be a writer.
I create life with the ballpoint of a pen.
I go on adventure without leaving my seat.
I dream up worlds only I can imagine.
Worlds I will never see in real life.
I don’t wanna be a writer, but it’s all that I know.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, I Don’t Wanna Be A Writer 2015©

You Have My Attention

Noticed from afar.
Drawn to the light you exude.
You intrigue my mind.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, You Have My Attention 2015©
All detangled. #Frolicious #teamnatural #naturalista #NaturalHairDontCare #naturalhair
Day 272: In desperate need of a hot oil treatment, but feeling this flat twist out. #naturalista #naturalhair #NaturalHairDontCare #teamnatural #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Got my tiara for my birthday cause I'm a fucking princess. I thought the wand was too much. #TeamLibra #Libra #LibraLife #LibraSeason — at Claire's.
Day 271: #TrevorNoah is killing it right now and that makes me happy. #TheDailyShow #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
“My Mind Is Slipping” Asia Aneka Anderson 2015© 
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson

Field Of Life

Little blade of grass.
Lift yourself in the sunlight.
Sprout to life again.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Field of Life 2015©

Day 270: It's the most wonderful time of the year. And of course it expires on my birthday. #BasicChicksBeLike #AllPumpkinEverything #Fall #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 269: Reunited and it feels so good. Finally got my #Beatles bag back. #TheBeatles #AHDN #AHardDaysNight #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 268: Two more weeks until my birthday. Not sure what to do, but I do know this: I need a change. Life is entirely too short to put up with excuses (even from myself). I want to live to the fullest and celebrate. So on my birthday I want everyone to come out. EVERYONE. Old friends and new friends. I want to build better relationships with people and reevaluate my circle. So if you're in Dayton I'll most likely be in the #OregonDistrict to catch a comedy show and/or bar hop and I plan on being unconscious that entire weekend (10/8-10/11). Come drink with me. No excuses. #TeamLibra #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 267: I am so ready for #HTGAWM. I would've put #GreysAnatomy here, but Shonda fucked up. #RIPMcDreamy. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 266: Yaaassss! #Empire #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 265: Guess where I am?! #Chicago #IMissThisFuckingPlace #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals — at The Chicago Theater.
Day 264: I love the clouds. They're always so peaceful and graceful. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

A Little While

Can I have you for a little while?
Never leave my side.
Let me hold you close.
If only for a little while.
We cherish every moment.
Everyday is unforgettable.
Every second is pure joy.
I long to press reset.
Reliving each moment with you.
Your heart tangled with mine.
Our smiles from ear to ear.
All good things must come to an end.
An end we strive to prolong.
I put my hand in yours.
We live in our now.
I want you with me always.
But I’ll settle for a little while.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, A Little While 2015©

Love Always

With you I will be.
Care to wrap your arms around.
Soulmates we become.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Love Always 2015©
My feelings hold no value to anyone but me. I'll always be my biggest supporter no matter what, and sometimes the only one.
Day 263: That last one takes some getting used to, but I'm on my way. I know I'm a good person and will always strive to be a better and peaceful me. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Am I Where I Should Be?

        I envy people who are happy with who they are and where they’re at in life. That must be a freeing feeling to be who you truly are and be confident and completely trusting in where you’re headed in life. I wish I had that. I wish that I could be who I am. I’m not speaking in a sense that I’m afraid to live my life a certain way. I mean that I’m not sure who I am and who I’m meant to be. I’d like to imagine that in the past I had an idea of who I was and what I wanted, but that all changed. Life took a turn and I stumbled along the way. Now I’m unsure of everything. I’m unsure of what makes me happy. Unsure of what I long to do with my life. Unsure of who I should let into my life. I just don’t know. Once upon a time I wanted to be a teacher, writer, director, photographer, and journalist. I wanted to create things that the world could related to. That need to create something that the world will relate to is still there, but my ambition to create is lost. I feel as though all I want to say has been said and if it hasn’t already been said I’m lost on how to put it into words.
        I’m so unhappy with life right now. It’s not just a sadness that’s knowingly felt and bubbles to the surface from time to time. It’s a sadness that sits at my core and just sits there like a sick felling, where you can’t remember what you ate, but all you know is that it’s made you nauseous. I can’t 100% explain it. I want to know what it feels like to say “Great! I found my calling!” Instead I’m lingering on something that at one point I felt was my calling and now it’s just a dwindling hobby. Don’t get me wrong, I do think that my writing is pretty good, but there’s no love behind it anymore. There’s no dying need for it. I miss the feeling of NEEDING to write. At one point in my life it brought me joy to write until my hand would cramp because that said to me that I was accomplishing something. It said to me that my mind was running a mile a minute and my hand was hurrying to catch up with every thought I could think. All I ever wanted to do, since I can remember, was write. That is all I ever wanted. This is something I wanted so much for my life and now I just can’t be bothered with it. I have to MAKE myself write. Never in my life have I ever had to make myself do that. Any free moment I had there was a pen in my hand. Always. Now that need, that want, is completely gone.
        I’ve run out of accomplishments and I’ve run out of knowledge on what I want. No matter my career, my love life, my family life, I just don’t know what I want. I just know that I want to feel free. I don’t know what that entails, but I’d like to think I’d know it when I feel it. So far I don’t feel free. I think a sense of creative freedom and freedom from my mind would bring me happiness. To me freedom equals happiness. I don’t remember the last time I felt free, but I do know that even then I didn’t feel completely free. It was just a glimpse of what could be. That glimpse was everything. It gave me hope. I liked that feeling. Although at the time I was going through other struggles, that little ray of hope made everything okay. Then my world just sort of collapsed. Everything changed and my drive vanished.
        Next month I’ll only be 33 and I just feel so stuck that I’ve somewhat lost hope. Too old for adventures. Slowly becoming to old to possibly be someone’s mom. Too old to feel like I have to coerce people into friendships. Too old to make new friendships. Too old to return to school to continue and education that I’m not even sure I want anymore. Too old to play the field when I should be settling down. I just feel too far gone. I’m so so gone.
       So to anyone who is in the career they truly want, have the relationships that they want and make them better (whether it be with a partner, family, friends, etc) I really do envy that and it’s scary because I’m not absolutely sure if I ever will. At least not to the extent where I will be truly happy and satisfied.

-Asia Aneka Anderson

Day 260: Something as simple as this announcement can bring me so much happiness and so much sadness all at once. Everything Beatles I own that I have collected for almost two decades, with the exception of a few shirts and the songs on my iPod, still lie in a storage facility. It breaks my heart that every book, movie, and piece of memorabilia is somewhere so close but so far with no help nor way to get it. But this makes me happy that maybe I'll at least have this in my possession and on the days when I need a #Beatles pick me up I can pop in this DVD. #TheBeatles #Beatlemaniac #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Day 259: #SouthPark all day. Ready for the new season. #YoureBeingIgnorant #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Day 258: Because I'm am adult. #AlcoholAndRingPops #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 257: I'm a frappe and #oreo junkie. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals #Winans — at Winans Chocolates Coffees Wine Bar.
“Your Standards Don’t Exist” Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson 
Goodwill, 2015©
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson
IG: Asia_Aneka_Writes
Day 256: Yesterday was wash day and I was so frustrated while trying to style my hair after and flat ironed it. Check out that length tho. #BigHairDontCare #NaturalHairDontCare #naturalista #NaturalHair #teamnatural #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Day 255: Finally took down my goddess braid and loving this hair flip from it. Also loving this new lipstick color #redvelvet. #naturalista #NaturalHairDontCare #NaturalHair #teamnatural #SelfieSaturday #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 254: Can't wait to try this! #ecostyler #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Day 253: Oh chai how I have missed you. #BostonStoker #DaytonOhio #Dayton #Ohio #937 #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
— at Boston Stoker Coffee Shop.
Day 252: Exactly one month away. I expect presents and lots of cake. #Libra #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 251: I can't and won't be anything but me. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 250: my job called me this morning and told me not to come in (praise the lordt 🙏) so I've just been watching the #EmpireMarathon and I got the "been passed out all day" pillow print on my face to prove it lol #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 249: When you finally put your foot down and decide to not eat anymore snacks, but then Cold Stone is like "Nah. Get you some ice cream." Don't mind if I do, #StoneColdCreamery. #PeerPressure #WhatDiet #CheesecakeFantasy #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Tragic Work Tales #2

        My first job was a tough one. It wasn’t tough as in what the job entailed. It was tough because I was a 19 year old kid just trying to make enough money to pay for school, get experience, and to set foot into the working world. I didn’t anticipate the amount of drama that would come with the responsibility. It was the type of drama that I hadn’t even experienced in high school. I got to see first hand how petty and backwards so called adults were. There are many things I could say about this place. MANY. I want to tell this one tale in particular because it left me the most puzzled. Trust me, I’ll tell more of this place in the future.
        I stayed with my first job for almost seven years. Most of the people in my department I got along with and loved like family. The few who barely lifted a finger even had a place in my heart (except during work hours because I was doing the majority of the work and seriously fuck them for that) but one did not. On the surface he came off as a good guy. He was very talkative and very much a guy who wanted to be liked by everybody, but I assumed he played the likable guy to keep people’s attention away from the fact that he didn’t do shit but gossip for eight hours. I was always amused how he did very little and never got called out on it, but I would get called out on the smallest things even though I did 75% of the work that came through our department.
        There was always something about him that made me uncomfortable, but most of the time I’d just ignore it and concentrate on my work. Since his job was to repair items that were returned damaged he spent his time in the back. Well he spent time back there when he wasn’t roaming the building to gossip to all the women in other departments. As the years went on more responsibility was placed on me which meant I got to do more work that called for me to enter information into our system. Some days when it was slow on the floor I’d work on projects in the back as well as I’d always take my breaks in our work room anyways. One day while on the computer, after this guy had left for the day, I noticed he hadn’t closed all the windows he had open. As I was closing them I noticed a few were pornographic. The first time it caught me off guard, of course. By the 20th time I was disgusted. Look, I have no problem with porn at all. What I do have a problem with is someone doing it at work and on a shared company computer. I noticed that he would visit sites, but most of the videos and images he looked at were being emailed to his work email from his friends. It got to a point where it seemed as though he was trying to taunt me. He’d open images when I was working in the back even though he might’ve been on the other side of the room working on something else when I walked in. It also seemed as though he’d leave this stuff open when he left for the day so that I’d have to be the one to get rid of it.
        People always say there’s a straw that breaks the camel’s when they’re dealing with bullshit. I had two straws and both incidents happened pretty close together. By this point there was another woman, with the same job title as me, who had started to notice what he was doing and we’d compare notes. Also, being who I am, I started becoming vocal and speaking to other coworkers about it and how grossed out I was. The first final straw was using the computer on a break one day, and again having to close out all of his emails after he’d gone, but one image looked familiar. One of our other coworkers (who was fairly new and also did about 10% of work if any at all) had taken a few photos from my MySpace and emailed them to him. I. Was. Livid. I decided not to speak up on that because I know how I am and the things that come out of my mouth when I’m legit angry, and trust me, I was fuming. I told a few folks who were all on the same level as me when it came to job title and who also knew of the stuff this guy did. The last final straw came not too long after when this particular computer got a virus. When it was finally fixed the manager in our department (who is the biggest twat I’ve ever worked for, honestly) left a note on the computer stating that the cause of the virus was because of MySpace, Facebook, etc. and that all of the people who were in the same pay grade as myself could only use it for work purposes (mind you this dude got right back to his porn habits as soon as it was fixed, but yeah sure Facebook did it *eye roll*). When I saw that note I was again fuming. I’m sorry, but if I bust my ass around here while most everyone else in this place does jack shit but gossip all day then I’m going to spend my breaks/lunches winding down the way I want. I texted a coworker, who hadn’t started his shift yet, that we were being punished for this dude’s bullshit. My coworker texted me back “Fuck that. I’m gonna put in my two weeks notice when I get there. Watch me.” And that’s exactly what he did. I was even more upset, because this guy and I had become close and he’s one of the few people that made my days there bearable. Now he was going to quit all because our boss treated this perv like he was gold.
        How I handled the situation was writing a strongly worded letter to my supervisor and the director of the company. I won’t even drag this part of the story out because of course nothing was done. I was down a friend. I was up enemies because people didn’t want to believe that he was doing it. Actually I’m not sure what they thought, but the fact that no one sided with a young woman who was clearly uncomfortable working with a grown man who watched porn at work, on a company computer, oh and I forgot to mention that he would also have phone sex with women in other departments during work hours. That was always a fun listen, but I was the bad guy in the whole situation. A family member once suggested that I’d tell the police since this job was only a few blocks away from the police station. My one regret while I worked there is that I didn’t do just that, but my thought at that time was that it wasn’t that serious. I really should have done that though. Not sure what that would’ve accomplished, but if you have someone who can’t get through a workday without watching porn then no telling what type of individual he may actually be.
        I gladly left that job in the summer of 2008. That place got under my skin so much that I left the damn state. I mean, my main reason was to transfer to another school, but my second reason was to get a clean break from that place. I visited once on winter break early 2009 and that was the last I stepped foot in there. When I moved back home 2013 family kept saying “Go back there. I’m sure you’d get hired back.” No. I’d rather be in poverty than return to that establishment. Not joking. This is only one of many problems I had with that place. Never again. Not today, Satan.   

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015©
         I’m battling with myself over whether I should call corporate on one of my managers. A few weeks ago I started my shift and asked one of the girls in leadership what she wanted me to do since they were rearranging the section I was assigned to be in. She told me to just find an area and straighten up while they were doing the major stuff up front. As I was walking away the actual manager told me that she had a job for me. She wanted me to take some shirts that were previously folded and hang them up. There was a cart near the table the shirts were on and I asked the girls if they were using it so I could just wheel this big pile of shirts over to our fitting room and grab hangers there. The manager, I guess, got agitated, picked up the shirts, threw them in my face, and said “Just take them in the back and put them on hangers!” I’m not sure what her deal was and I was too in shock to see what everyone else’s reaction was. I don’t know if she was stressed out about all the work that needed to be done. I’m not sure if she actually meant to toss them (cause I caught them in my arms) and it came off more aggressive than she intended, and I’m not sure if I’m actually making excuses for something that’s inexcusable. I’ve been sitting with this for a few weeks and am not sure what to do. She is kind of a hot head and I’m afraid if I say anything she’ll make my time there worse. I’m equally afraid that if I do say something that nothing will be done about it at all. I already have another job, but that alone won’t make ends meet so for now I need this job as well. I had an interview for another job earlier this week that I’m hoping to get, but for now I’m not sure how I should even handle this situation. On top of this incident I have another manager that likes to talk down to me like a child and treats me like I’m stupid. Actually a few days before this throwing shirts in my face incident happened I stood up to this other manager and told her not to talk down to me when I’m only doing my job. I’m only assuming she informed the other lady and possibly her revenge was to throw something at me. I’m proud of myself for not having went off yet, but I don’t know when that breaking point will come. I’m leaning more towards the decision to call corporate, but I don’t know. I really don’t want to bring race into it, but the only other people I’ve heard to have problems with these two ladies are the few other black women I work with. I mean, the county this store is located in is the one where John Crawford was shot and killed, so the racism doesn’t shock me, but at the same times it does. All I want to do is my job and I want to do with well, but I can’t do it if I’m being bitched at, monitored heavily, having things thrown at me, and talked to like I’m a complete idiot. *sigh* I just want to be rich so I can open my own business and it will be a business where I treat my employees as my equal and like decent human beings.
Day 246: I finally nailed a protective style on the first try. No more twisting my hair for a while thank God. #naturalista #naturalhair #teamnatural #GoddessBraid #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 245: Can't wait to try this. #EyebrowsOnFleek #elfcosmetics #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 244: I love these glasses. #hipster #blipster #naturalista #NaturalHairDontCare #naturalhair #teamnatural #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 243: tbh if I could marry chicken I would. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals