Day 212: #fbf to that time when I went to see #SirPaulMcCartney on a whim, spending my last dime to do so, and giving zero fucks about it because it was Paul fucking McCartney. So sad I won't see him at #Lollapalooza tonight but at least I can say I've had the pleasure of seeing him live once before and it was the most epic experience ever. He made this girl really happy that summer. I'll see you again one day #Macca! #TheBeatles #Chicago #WrigleyField #2015 #365daysofhappy #HappyGoals
Day 211: #tbt to that one time I met Eugene from #GogolBordello at #lollapalooza in 2010 and talked him into letting me into their sold out after show. Aka the year I got tan af. #UpsetIWontBeAtLollaThisYear #TheresAlwaysNextYear #Chicago #IMissMyHome #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 210: I'll never grow up and I'm cool with that #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 209: Because you can never have too many #Beatles magazines. #IHaveAProblem #Help! #INeedSomebody #NotJustAnybody #HelpINeedSomeone #BeatlesHumor #TheBeatles #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 208: My zebra socks are cooler than you #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 207: I'm such a notebook hoarder. Bought two today and it was completely unnecessary yet necessary. #amwriting #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 206: Just hanging at the street market. #HipsterShit #Dayton #DaytonOhio #2015 #HappyGoals #365DaysOfHappy — at 2nd Street Market.
Day 205: Me right meow. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 204: Tired as FUCK, but it could be worse (please don't get worse) #nofilter #CauseImTooTiredToPickOne #naturalista #naturalhair #teamnatural #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 203: Any day when your most FAVORITE comedian replies to you is a good day... I didn't know what else to post. I'm fucking tired lol #ChrisDelia #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Update: I probably won't be posting here for a few weeks. My laptop is on the fritz and that's where I still had work saved. I'll still try to do a few photo edits that I can post here, but 90% of the posts to my blog are done through my laptop. Bear with me. If I can't get it to work I'll just have to buy a wireless keyboard since that's the only thing not working.
Day 202: Just playing around with different styles. Still a work in progress. I'm be a pro at this one day lol #naturalista #naturalhair #teamnatural #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 201: I friggin love this show! I wish it got the recognition like #HOC and #OITNB. #BojackHorseman season 2 is finally here! #2015 #365daysofhappy #happygoals
Day 200: Happy birthday, Benny Batch! #BenedictCumberbatch #Sherlock #Smaug #HappyBirthdayBenedictCumberbatch. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 199: They call me #Superman. I have ice cream all over my face cause I'm an adult. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals — at UDF.
Day 198: Show was awesome and so was #BrentMorin and #JasonCollings. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals — at Wiley's Comedy Joint.
Day 197: Any day one of your favorite comedians responds to you is a good day. #ExcitedForTomorrow #BrentMorin #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 194: Got all this for under $35. Ready for the new job. ‪#‎GoodwillFinds‬ #2015 ‪#‎365DaysOfHappy‬ ‪#‎HappyGoals‬
But to do that I’d have to have no fear. It’s a work in progress. #Goals #myphotoedit #insidemycreativemind #LiveLife #LoveLife
Day 191: Just hanging out in my city. #Dayton #DowntownDayton #DaytonCourthouseSquare #Daytongram #Ohio #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals — at Dayton Courthouse Square.

I'm Only Alone

Alone, why do strike fear in so many?
Where others find fear I find comfort.
Alone is where I’m safe.
Alone is where I’m wanted.
Alone is where I am free.
Free from broken promises.
Free from those who hold me back.
Free  from those who judge me.
Alone, have I thanked you for making me strong?
You’ve taught me to take on the world.
You gave me confidence.
You embraced me when others wouldn’t.
You’ve shown me that I’m all that I’ve got.
So much I’ve accomplished because of you.
Surprised by the passion you lit inside me.
Showing me how to live life.
When there was no one to count on I had alone.
Alone, you’re the only one I’ve come to trust.
Trust is something I do no hand out easily but I give to you.
Alone, we have become best friends.
Perhaps we have become too close.
I choose you over everything.
Giving all life experiences to you.
In moments of joy I look for friendly faces, but all I have is you.
In moments of sadness I look for arms to hold me, but I’m always alone.
Still I choose you.
You cannot feel my sadness nor my joy.
Yet you’ve never let me down.
I choose your nonexistence over disappointment.
You have given me many things that others cannot.
Alone, sometimes I wonder if I’m lonely.
A partner could make things better.
You remind me of the adventures you guided me through.
Ones I might have missed if not for you.
No, I’m not lonely.
I’m only alone.
Alone you give me an insight that one day I will share.
I’ll have a partner that will continue the journey you started.
Alone, I could never replace you.
You opened my eyes, my mind, and my heart.
Without you I wouldn’t know me.
Everything that I am I wouldn’t be without alone.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, I’m Only Alone 2015©
Day 190: Why am I not there?! Next year this is so happening! #SDCC2015 #MarvelSDCC #SDCC #repost #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Goals: To enjoy and live my life to the fullest.
Day 187: Just watch me #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 186: I never understood this logic to just work, sleep, pay bills, repeat. I'd rather do what I love and experience life. I'd rather have a shit ton of memories then slaving away and letting life pass me by. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 185: I #sparkle. #Happy4thOfJuly #nails #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 184: It's a long process but hopefully I can be done with my book(s) by the end of the year. #amwriting #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

Tragic Boyfriend Tales #7

        Boyfriend G was my very first love. I don’t know what it was about him that made me fall completely head over heels. We met in eighth grade through my best friend. He actually broke my heart before we even started dating. My best friend volunteered to tell him about me one day and somehow the next morning I was greeted by my best friend telling me of how he asked her out. I guess what’s most disappointing about this is that I’ve had several best friends do this to me since, but I digress.
         I don’t remember how many months later, but they broke up and G and I started to date. I remember that our very first date was to see “Titanic”. Even now I can’t watch that movie without smelling Winterfresh gum, which was his favorite. G was my first love and my first kiss. Like most teenage girls, I also offered my body in hopes that it would make him love me more when I found out he was cheating on me with a girl that was much older. At 14 there was nothing I had that could compare to the 19 year old woman he cheated on me with. The only thing I could give him was my innocence and my heart. Thankfully I never went through with it. No one’s first time is amazing, but how depressing would it be for me to look back on my first time, not as something two crazy kids did to prove they loved each other, but as something someone did to win someone, who was unworthy, back.
        Throughout the summer he dated this much older girl as a I cried my entire summer, before becoming a high school kid, away. Once freshman year began I assume this girl got tired of dealing with a 15 year old brat and dumped him. I was there waiting because I loved him, but I was also prepared. We went to different high schools, but we would try to see each other as much as we could. Since we were not at the same school I took that opportunity to do him as he had done me. I dated him as well as two other boys. I had to one up him, you know? I felt a little bad for involving the other guys. They were good friends to me and were pretty decent guys. It may seem as though I dated them for revenge, but honestly I really like them and can sometimes be greedy. As faar as G goes, even though I loved him I just started not to care. I eventually realized that all those tears I cried the summer before were pointless and so was the getting even. I broke up with all three guys and we went our separate ways. G and I haven’t talked in over 15 years, but I’ll always remember him as my first love and my first heartbreak.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015©

A Goddess Am I

I am a goddess.
Sheer beauty and power within.
Radiant and lovely am I.
I am a conqueror.
Defeating all obstacles and enemies before me.
I stand tall.
I stand strong.
All of this lies within me.
A  sense of confidence that has yet to be awoken.
On the outside lies a thin steady layer of insecurity.
Focused on flaws and imperfections.
My own worst enemy.
I stare in the mirror looking for the goddess inside.
Some days she rises to the surface.
Like a lioness she flashes her teeth in dominance.
Fierce, indeed.
My courage overflowing.
Bask in my beauty.
Bow down to to my ferocious grace.
This feeling that never lasts long.
The vibrant goddess quickly disappears from view.
Shrinking in size.
The  enemy  in me  defeats the conqueror.
I wait for the day the goddess bursts through.
She’ll make her presence permanent.
Letting nothing knock me down.
Making me see my worth.
I know that I am an goddess.
A goddess in training.
A goddess that will one day shine brighter than any sun.
One day I'll  carry my sword and shield.
Covered in the blood of my self-doubt.
A battle finally won.
A goddess then I will ever be.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, A Goddess Am I 2015©

Tragic Crush Tales #8

        A was probably one of my very first crushes. It may seem a little weird of me to talk about a crush I had when I was a kid, but it was a crush that forced me to learn a lot about myself. It’s a crush that even decades later is helping me sort out my feelings and who I am especially since now that I have a word for it. I must say that I did hesitate writing this though.
        This was back in about second grade or so. A was a pretty blonde girl with ice blue eyes. Looking back I don’t think we were BEST friends, but we had lots of fun times and I remember lots of laughs with her. She had the thickest and shiniest blonde hair that I loved to do whenever we had free time in class. She was just the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on.
        Back then I didn’t really know how I felt. I just knew that there was a girl that I thought was pretty and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it. I felt that I shouldn’t have a crush on her so I just took it as my brain saying that she’s pretty and nothing else. In the back of my mind I knew that I had feelings for her though. I’d never told anyone about how I felt, but my friends might have caught on because I talked about her A LOT. It left me very confused for a second grader because although I thought she was amazing and gorgeous, I still had crushes on plenty of boys in the class as well. I didn’t understand how I could think both were good looking.
          I never told A how I felt, of course, since I didn’t think there were feelings to be had in the first place. I’d go on always dating boys, but A wasn’t the last girl I would ever have a crush on. As I got older I thought to myself that possibly I was bisexual. I’d never dated a girl by that point (still haven’t other than one online relationship), but remained very attracted to women. Still I dismissed being bisexual because I had never BEEN with a girl. I brushed it off again as just a simple admiration of certain women instead of sexual attraction. As I kept getting older, I started to strip labels away. It wasn’t particularly men or women I was attracted to. I was attracted to people who I found psychically attractive, had a good vibe, a great sense of humor, and all the good things people want in a mate. I didn’t really care what a person’s gender was. Then I heard of pansexual. That’s me. In the back of my mind I’ve always felt that it would be foolish of me to place my happiness based on gender. So far I’ve only dated men, but if a trans individual, woman, etc. were to sweep me off of my feet I can’t imagine denying myself true love because a person wasn’t born male.
         As far as A goes I’m not sure what happened to her after elementary school. We went to separate middle schools and I never heard from her again. Not sure if she knew how I felt or if she would’ve even understood it, because I sure didn’t. I will always remember her though since she is the first girl to help me open my eyes to who I truly am.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015(c)
Day 183: Finally settling down to binge on #OITNB. Look at bae #Poussey 😍😍 #OrangeIsTheNewBlack #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

This Art Runs Through My Veins

Creativity seeps from my wounds.
Stories made out of broken pieces.
Art that rises from the ashes of my soul.
The phoenix of my demise is the birth of my story.
Without hurt I have no tale to tell.
The mourning gives me room to rise.
To let my pain be a lesson and not a poem of tragedy.
I speak to those who are emotional kin.
Allowing myself to endure pain.
Speaking of triumph when the storm lifts.
Without these wounds I have no voice.
This pain gives me power.
The power to create.
The power to inspire.
I takes pleasure in the misery.
My wounds spill the beauty of my mind.
Only a tortured mind can give life to a complicated work of art.
A masterpiece dripping from my veins.
This masterpiece that is myself.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, This Art Runs Through My Veins 2015©
        Is it possible to have someone’s presence make you incredibly angry? I swear every time I’m around my grandmother I’m just so fucking angry. Like I love her because she’s my grandmother, but that’s the only love I got for her. She spent so much of my childhood making me the black sheep and putting my cousins above me and now I’m just filled with so much anger towards her. Like a blinding rage. What makes it worse is if she does something that triggers me or says something that’s completely offensive and I call her on it, she never apologizes. She’ll make excuses or divert the conversation, but she never apologizes for anything or takes responsibility for her actions. She has no concern for how this might affect me at all which let’s me know that I’m not shit. Never have been in this family and never will be. I feel like this feeling I have towards my family is abnormal cause I was never abused or anything like that so why the anger? But I just feel like I’ve never mattered and no ones actions has proved me wrong in that.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Every. Single. One. #Goals #MyPhotoEdit #ArtInstituteOfChicago #InsideMyCreativeMind #Chicago
I found an old drawing I did back in high school that pretty much sums up my whole existence. I drew the metal plate over my mouth is because I'm horrible at drawing lips, but as this class assignment went on I felt like it was a perfect representation of how I truly felt. I'm never heard so what is the point of speaking and when I do speak I'm mostly misunderstood. #art #drawing #SelfPortrait #Throwback

When twist outs finally cooperate. I’m loving my twist out. My twist outs usually look a hot mess but since my hair has grown a bit it’s starting to work for me instead of against me. #naturalista #naturalhair #teamnatural
Day 182: Got some new stuff so that I can blog more about my #naturalhair journey. Might even blog about my progress with my skin since I have this #BlackSoap. #Progress #Ideas #Motivation #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 181: writing, editing, madness, excitement. I know I haven't posted to @asia_aneka_writes in a while. I got some new stuffs coming. #2015 #365daysofhappy #happygoals
Day 180: I'm in love with a mermaid. #ChaiTeaTilIDie #Starbucks #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 179: We spend too much of our lives stressed out and worrying. Just let go and live. The more you stress the more you miss out on living. Stressing doesn't solve anything. #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
Day 178: Progress. Slowly but surely. #naturalista #naturalhair #teamnatural #selfie #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals