It’s come to my realization that maybe I should just blog some random
thoughts here. My motivation is blah. No story ideas. My poems are all
starting to sound the same. I just don’t really care about it anymore.
Well I do, I just don’t know what to say anymore without it sounding
stale and exaggerated. I’m still going through every emotion possible
while also feeling nothing at the same time. An aunt told my mom
recently about a medium she went to and my mom and I are hoping to go
next weekend when I’m off of work. I’m not sure if I’m hoping it will
give me some closure, but perhaps it will. I think I’m just looking for
something to put my mind at ease. I want something to help me move along
in this grieving process and also something to put my mind at ease
about my past and future. I just want to feel like my life until this
point isn’t for nothing because it damn sure feels like it. I have a
hard time seeing what this life thing is all about, but I’m always
hoping that there is something bigger and greater up ahead. I really
think that there is, but I’m getting rather restless. I’m restless about
being stuck, being alone, being broke, not being as carefree as I know
my spirit wants to be. Oh well. That’s life. It has it’s moments, and
most times those moments are grand but overall it’s kind of a drag.
Here’s to hoping it won’t be a drag for long. My birthday is next month
and that’s always something to look forward too, although I think I want
to keep it pretty low key this year and only be around folks that can
give me good vibes. Good vibes are all I need in my life right now and
for always.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Tragic Crush Tales #10
Crush E is my latest in a series of men that have completely wasted
my time of the past few years. I seem to be attracting a lot of that
lately. Every time I find it surprising that men over the age of 23
still play games and then play victim when you call them on it.
I first met this guy through Instagram. That was my first mistake. How on Earth did I think I could possibly take anyone serious on Instagram of all places. I don’t even remember how or why we started talking, but we hit it off really well. I got along with him, thought he was funny, handsome, and that we had a lot in common. Unfortunately he lived in Chicago and I’m not in a place financially to be able to move back just yet.
We started talking around Halloween of 2015 and quickly exchanged numbers. We texted a lot, but for some reason he sort of vanished around Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before, but I’m not the kind of girl who likes to pester someone. We all have lives, families, work, etc. If I message you a few times and don’t get a reply I’ll assume you don’t want to talk to me anymore or you have shit going on and will get back to me when you can give me your undivided attention. Well we started to get into the first few weeks of December and I still hadn’t heard from him. I shrugged it off since we had only talked for a few weeks. We didn’t have anything serious going on. There was a guy who would come into my job all of the time and I could tell there was an attraction so I gave him my number and we went out. The date was absolutely terrible. I didn’t have to dwell on it too long because days later E popped back up and it was as if nothing had changed. We made jokes of my bad date and our closeness grew stronger as the days and weeks went on.
I say days and weeks because as we were ringing in 2016 E went off on his merry way again. No response to messages until he gives me this long tirade, a week into the new year, about how he needs his space and that I’m forcing a relationship on him and that he only wanted to be friends. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. From the moment we first started talking the flirting was on both ends, but all of a sudden I was forcing my flirtatious behavior on him and making him soooo uncomfortable *sarcasm*. I found it strange and also upsetting because a week prior we were telling each other how we were hoping this was meant to be and couldn’t wait to meet each other one day. It wasn’t a one sided conversation. I wasn’t talking to myself. Without going through every incident with this dude let me just say he disappeared often only to return with his victim speech about how I was forcing my affection on him knowing that he didn’t want a relationship. He’s the most confusing man I’ve ever dealt with because I couldn’t understand how we’d both be flirting then all of a sudden it was only me that was the aggressor.
That brings us to a few weeks ago when I discovered why he always wanted to shame me as the bad guy. There was someone else. Instead of being an adult and telling me that he wanted to proceed with this other woman I had to find out via Instagram. Many times I asked him if there was someone else and he’d always say there wasn’t. When I confronted him this last time his excuse was that they were only talking and not officially dating until very recently. So because they didn’t have the “Will you be my girlfriend? Circle ‘yes’ or ‘no’“ talk that means that it’s okay to still talk to me on the side and not be upfront and let me know that you’re starting to have feelings for someone else? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not someone’s back up plan. I’m an actual person with feelings. You think that crossed his mind? No. When he discovered that I wasn’t going to fall for the “we weren’t officially dating when you first asked me” excuse he had to pull another one out of his ass. He decided to go with the old high school excuse of “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to break you heart.” Because lying to me or not telling me will make me feel so much better. Thank you, E. Thank you so much. Lying only exists to make the liar feel better about themselves. Never has it ever made the person being lied to at ease. Now, let me say this. As I’ve gotten older and have had my heart broken a few times it gets easier and I mean way easier for me to move on. I’m too old to be crying over some dude and especially one who feels it’s okay to disrespect me. That being said, when he told me that he felt telling me would break my heart, I laughed. It was so arrogant to me. We’ve never met. You’ve played with my emotions like a yo-yo for about seven months and you’re wondering if your fickle feelings broke my heart. Not to mention my father passed not even a month before this (another reason I feel a decent human being would’ve been up front about his actions) and you think your bullshit lies even rank on my list of fucked up things to happen to me this year? Honey, please. I just experienced a heartache like none other and it’s not over Mr. “I don’t know what I want in life so I’m gonna sit here and waste your fucking time and then make it all be your fault. You made me flirt with you. I’m the victim here.” He still tried to find excuses. He brought up three dates I went on during a few of his many absences. Although all three dates turned up bad and he knew about every last one he still wanted to run with that excuse. To me it would’ve been much easier to just say “I wasn’t really feeling you anymore. Sorry I didn’t tell you in APRIL when I first started talking to this other girl (yes, he had been talking to her for three months while we were also talking), but it is what it is.” That would’ve been a more adult response instead of looking for any and every way to make me look like the bad guy and refusing to own up to his bullshit.
This all sucks because a week after I found all of this out I was in Chicago for an event. While planning this event I was really looking forward to meeting him and getting to be with him. That’s why being up front with me would’ve been a great idea. That way I wouldn’t have been planning a trip with my heart set on that. It could’ve been just about my event, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. Trust me that I still did all of that and had the most amazing time, but that’s not how it all started when I had my heart set out on this. At first when I said my peace and everything was said and done I said to myself that I hoped this woman would do him like he did me (and some girls before me, apparently, but I really don’t want to get into that because I honestly don’t give a fuck). I hoped that she’d stop responding to messages, give him the cold shoulder every three weeks, talk to a few other dudes, make him feel like he’s some thirsty dude that’s just fawning over her, tell him that he’s moving too fast while at the same time egging him on. Then I thought about it. No. Nobody, not even him, deserves to have their feelings played with like that when we’re all out here just trying to find companionship and a soulmate. Instead I want her to show him compassion, communication (which he lacked SEVERELY), loyalty, partnership, and warmth so that he knows what it feels like and in turn can learn from her and know how to give it back. He wasn’t for me and that’s fine. All I wanted was a little honesty and didn’t get it. I’m not missing anything.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
I first met this guy through Instagram. That was my first mistake. How on Earth did I think I could possibly take anyone serious on Instagram of all places. I don’t even remember how or why we started talking, but we hit it off really well. I got along with him, thought he was funny, handsome, and that we had a lot in common. Unfortunately he lived in Chicago and I’m not in a place financially to be able to move back just yet.
We started talking around Halloween of 2015 and quickly exchanged numbers. We texted a lot, but for some reason he sort of vanished around Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before, but I’m not the kind of girl who likes to pester someone. We all have lives, families, work, etc. If I message you a few times and don’t get a reply I’ll assume you don’t want to talk to me anymore or you have shit going on and will get back to me when you can give me your undivided attention. Well we started to get into the first few weeks of December and I still hadn’t heard from him. I shrugged it off since we had only talked for a few weeks. We didn’t have anything serious going on. There was a guy who would come into my job all of the time and I could tell there was an attraction so I gave him my number and we went out. The date was absolutely terrible. I didn’t have to dwell on it too long because days later E popped back up and it was as if nothing had changed. We made jokes of my bad date and our closeness grew stronger as the days and weeks went on.
I say days and weeks because as we were ringing in 2016 E went off on his merry way again. No response to messages until he gives me this long tirade, a week into the new year, about how he needs his space and that I’m forcing a relationship on him and that he only wanted to be friends. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. From the moment we first started talking the flirting was on both ends, but all of a sudden I was forcing my flirtatious behavior on him and making him soooo uncomfortable *sarcasm*. I found it strange and also upsetting because a week prior we were telling each other how we were hoping this was meant to be and couldn’t wait to meet each other one day. It wasn’t a one sided conversation. I wasn’t talking to myself. Without going through every incident with this dude let me just say he disappeared often only to return with his victim speech about how I was forcing my affection on him knowing that he didn’t want a relationship. He’s the most confusing man I’ve ever dealt with because I couldn’t understand how we’d both be flirting then all of a sudden it was only me that was the aggressor.
That brings us to a few weeks ago when I discovered why he always wanted to shame me as the bad guy. There was someone else. Instead of being an adult and telling me that he wanted to proceed with this other woman I had to find out via Instagram. Many times I asked him if there was someone else and he’d always say there wasn’t. When I confronted him this last time his excuse was that they were only talking and not officially dating until very recently. So because they didn’t have the “Will you be my girlfriend? Circle ‘yes’ or ‘no’“ talk that means that it’s okay to still talk to me on the side and not be upfront and let me know that you’re starting to have feelings for someone else? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not someone’s back up plan. I’m an actual person with feelings. You think that crossed his mind? No. When he discovered that I wasn’t going to fall for the “we weren’t officially dating when you first asked me” excuse he had to pull another one out of his ass. He decided to go with the old high school excuse of “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to break you heart.” Because lying to me or not telling me will make me feel so much better. Thank you, E. Thank you so much. Lying only exists to make the liar feel better about themselves. Never has it ever made the person being lied to at ease. Now, let me say this. As I’ve gotten older and have had my heart broken a few times it gets easier and I mean way easier for me to move on. I’m too old to be crying over some dude and especially one who feels it’s okay to disrespect me. That being said, when he told me that he felt telling me would break my heart, I laughed. It was so arrogant to me. We’ve never met. You’ve played with my emotions like a yo-yo for about seven months and you’re wondering if your fickle feelings broke my heart. Not to mention my father passed not even a month before this (another reason I feel a decent human being would’ve been up front about his actions) and you think your bullshit lies even rank on my list of fucked up things to happen to me this year? Honey, please. I just experienced a heartache like none other and it’s not over Mr. “I don’t know what I want in life so I’m gonna sit here and waste your fucking time and then make it all be your fault. You made me flirt with you. I’m the victim here.” He still tried to find excuses. He brought up three dates I went on during a few of his many absences. Although all three dates turned up bad and he knew about every last one he still wanted to run with that excuse. To me it would’ve been much easier to just say “I wasn’t really feeling you anymore. Sorry I didn’t tell you in APRIL when I first started talking to this other girl (yes, he had been talking to her for three months while we were also talking), but it is what it is.” That would’ve been a more adult response instead of looking for any and every way to make me look like the bad guy and refusing to own up to his bullshit.
This all sucks because a week after I found all of this out I was in Chicago for an event. While planning this event I was really looking forward to meeting him and getting to be with him. That’s why being up front with me would’ve been a great idea. That way I wouldn’t have been planning a trip with my heart set on that. It could’ve been just about my event, getting together with old friends, and making new ones. Trust me that I still did all of that and had the most amazing time, but that’s not how it all started when I had my heart set out on this. At first when I said my peace and everything was said and done I said to myself that I hoped this woman would do him like he did me (and some girls before me, apparently, but I really don’t want to get into that because I honestly don’t give a fuck). I hoped that she’d stop responding to messages, give him the cold shoulder every three weeks, talk to a few other dudes, make him feel like he’s some thirsty dude that’s just fawning over her, tell him that he’s moving too fast while at the same time egging him on. Then I thought about it. No. Nobody, not even him, deserves to have their feelings played with like that when we’re all out here just trying to find companionship and a soulmate. Instead I want her to show him compassion, communication (which he lacked SEVERELY), loyalty, partnership, and warmth so that he knows what it feels like and in turn can learn from her and know how to give it back. He wasn’t for me and that’s fine. All I wanted was a little honesty and didn’t get it. I’m not missing anything.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
I made a post about a month ago about my new journal I was excited about.
I said that I was going to toy with the idea of possibly loading some of my entries here, and you know what? I think I might just do that. Being the busy slacker that I am I will admit that I haven't written in it everyday. I'm still in mid-January somewhere. tsk tsk. I won't post every entry because, to be honest, a lot of these prompts that I've encountered so far are pretty dull. I've tried to vamp them up and make the reply all witty and relateable, but it didn't really help much. If the prompt sucks, it sucks. Anyways, I will post the ones that I liked the most and gave me the most to say. Look for that soon and I also want to try and get more of my Tragic Tales posted as well as other poems and stories that are just wasting away in my drafts folder. Also, have a happy Valentine's Day! ... or if you're single like me and enjoy quality tv HAPPY WALKING DEAD DAY!!!
Tragic Crush Tales #9
It took me a while to warm up to H as a person let alone develop a
crush on him. He was a coworker, he was a bit younger which caused me
keep my distance (also a lot of the younger people we worked with were
the gullible annoying type, which I assumed he also was), and his older
sister also worked with us and I had already convinced myself that she
hated me, although that’s probably not true. Once I did get to know him I
quickly found out that he was the male version of myself. H was very
sarcastic, dry, morbid, and gave zero fucks about what people thought
about him. I’m not saying those are the best qualities a man can have,
but I felt like he got me whereas people turn their nose up at my sense
of humor and random train of thought.
We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
Tragic Work Tales #2
My
first job was a tough one. It wasn’t tough as in what the job entailed.
It was tough because I was a 19 year old kid just trying to make enough
money to pay for school, get experience, and to set foot into the
working world. I didn’t anticipate the amount of drama that would come
with the responsibility. It was the type of drama that I hadn’t even
experienced in high school. I got to see first hand how petty and
backwards so called adults were. There are many things I could say about
this place. MANY. I want to tell this one tale in particular because it
left me the most puzzled. Trust me, I’ll tell more of this place in the
future.
I stayed with my first job for almost seven years. Most of the people in my department I got along with and loved like family. The few who barely lifted a finger even had a place in my heart (except during work hours because I was doing the majority of the work and seriously fuck them for that) but one did not. On the surface he came off as a good guy. He was very talkative and very much a guy who wanted to be liked by everybody, but I assumed he played the likable guy to keep people’s attention away from the fact that he didn’t do shit but gossip for eight hours. I was always amused how he did very little and never got called out on it, but I would get called out on the smallest things even though I did 75% of the work that came through our department.
There was always something about him that made me uncomfortable, but most of the time I’d just ignore it and concentrate on my work. Since his job was to repair items that were returned damaged he spent his time in the back. Well he spent time back there when he wasn’t roaming the building to gossip to all the women in other departments. As the years went on more responsibility was placed on me which meant I got to do more work that called for me to enter information into our system. Some days when it was slow on the floor I’d work on projects in the back as well as I’d always take my breaks in our work room anyways. One day while on the computer, after this guy had left for the day, I noticed he hadn’t closed all the windows he had open. As I was closing them I noticed a few were pornographic. The first time it caught me off guard, of course. By the 20th time I was disgusted. Look, I have no problem with porn at all. What I do have a problem with is someone doing it at work and on a shared company computer. I noticed that he would visit sites, but most of the videos and images he looked at were being emailed to his work email from his friends. It got to a point where it seemed as though he was trying to taunt me. He’d open images when I was working in the back even though he might’ve been on the other side of the room working on something else when I walked in. It also seemed as though he’d leave this stuff open when he left for the day so that I’d have to be the one to get rid of it.
People always say there’s a straw that breaks the camel’s when they’re dealing with bullshit. I had two straws and both incidents happened pretty close together. By this point there was another woman, with the same job title as me, who had started to notice what he was doing and we’d compare notes. Also, being who I am, I started becoming vocal and speaking to other coworkers about it and how grossed out I was. The first final straw was using the computer on a break one day, and again having to close out all of his emails after he’d gone, but one image looked familiar. One of our other coworkers (who was fairly new and also did about 10% of work if any at all) had taken a few photos from my MySpace and emailed them to him. I. Was. Livid. I decided not to speak up on that because I know how I am and the things that come out of my mouth when I’m legit angry, and trust me, I was fuming. I told a few folks who were all on the same level as me when it came to job title and who also knew of the stuff this guy did. The last final straw came not too long after when this particular computer got a virus. When it was finally fixed the manager in our department (who is the biggest twat I’ve ever worked for, honestly) left a note on the computer stating that the cause of the virus was because of MySpace, Facebook, etc. and that all of the people who were in the same pay grade as myself could only use it for work purposes (mind you this dude got right back to his porn habits as soon as it was fixed, but yeah sure Facebook did it *eye roll*). When I saw that note I was again fuming. I’m sorry, but if I bust my ass around here while most everyone else in this place does jack shit but gossip all day then I’m going to spend my breaks/lunches winding down the way I want. I texted a coworker, who hadn’t started his shift yet, that we were being punished for this dude’s bullshit. My coworker texted me back “Fuck that. I’m gonna put in my two weeks notice when I get there. Watch me.” And that’s exactly what he did. I was even more upset, because this guy and I had become close and he’s one of the few people that made my days there bearable. Now he was going to quit all because our boss treated this perv like he was gold.
How I handled the situation was writing a strongly worded letter to my supervisor and the director of the company. I won’t even drag this part of the story out because of course nothing was done. I was down a friend. I was up enemies because people didn’t want to believe that he was doing it. Actually I’m not sure what they thought, but the fact that no one sided with a young woman who was clearly uncomfortable working with a grown man who watched porn at work, on a company computer, oh and I forgot to mention that he would also have phone sex with women in other departments during work hours. That was always a fun listen, but I was the bad guy in the whole situation. A family member once suggested that I’d tell the police since this job was only a few blocks away from the police station. My one regret while I worked there is that I didn’t do just that, but my thought at that time was that it wasn’t that serious. I really should have done that though. Not sure what that would’ve accomplished, but if you have someone who can’t get through a workday without watching porn then no telling what type of individual he may actually be.
I gladly left that job in the summer of 2008. That place got under my skin so much that I left the damn state. I mean, my main reason was to transfer to another school, but my second reason was to get a clean break from that place. I visited once on winter break early 2009 and that was the last I stepped foot in there. When I moved back home 2013 family kept saying “Go back there. I’m sure you’d get hired back.” No. I’d rather be in poverty than return to that establishment. Not joking. This is only one of many problems I had with that place. Never again. Not today, Satan.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015©
I stayed with my first job for almost seven years. Most of the people in my department I got along with and loved like family. The few who barely lifted a finger even had a place in my heart (except during work hours because I was doing the majority of the work and seriously fuck them for that) but one did not. On the surface he came off as a good guy. He was very talkative and very much a guy who wanted to be liked by everybody, but I assumed he played the likable guy to keep people’s attention away from the fact that he didn’t do shit but gossip for eight hours. I was always amused how he did very little and never got called out on it, but I would get called out on the smallest things even though I did 75% of the work that came through our department.
There was always something about him that made me uncomfortable, but most of the time I’d just ignore it and concentrate on my work. Since his job was to repair items that were returned damaged he spent his time in the back. Well he spent time back there when he wasn’t roaming the building to gossip to all the women in other departments. As the years went on more responsibility was placed on me which meant I got to do more work that called for me to enter information into our system. Some days when it was slow on the floor I’d work on projects in the back as well as I’d always take my breaks in our work room anyways. One day while on the computer, after this guy had left for the day, I noticed he hadn’t closed all the windows he had open. As I was closing them I noticed a few were pornographic. The first time it caught me off guard, of course. By the 20th time I was disgusted. Look, I have no problem with porn at all. What I do have a problem with is someone doing it at work and on a shared company computer. I noticed that he would visit sites, but most of the videos and images he looked at were being emailed to his work email from his friends. It got to a point where it seemed as though he was trying to taunt me. He’d open images when I was working in the back even though he might’ve been on the other side of the room working on something else when I walked in. It also seemed as though he’d leave this stuff open when he left for the day so that I’d have to be the one to get rid of it.
People always say there’s a straw that breaks the camel’s when they’re dealing with bullshit. I had two straws and both incidents happened pretty close together. By this point there was another woman, with the same job title as me, who had started to notice what he was doing and we’d compare notes. Also, being who I am, I started becoming vocal and speaking to other coworkers about it and how grossed out I was. The first final straw was using the computer on a break one day, and again having to close out all of his emails after he’d gone, but one image looked familiar. One of our other coworkers (who was fairly new and also did about 10% of work if any at all) had taken a few photos from my MySpace and emailed them to him. I. Was. Livid. I decided not to speak up on that because I know how I am and the things that come out of my mouth when I’m legit angry, and trust me, I was fuming. I told a few folks who were all on the same level as me when it came to job title and who also knew of the stuff this guy did. The last final straw came not too long after when this particular computer got a virus. When it was finally fixed the manager in our department (who is the biggest twat I’ve ever worked for, honestly) left a note on the computer stating that the cause of the virus was because of MySpace, Facebook, etc. and that all of the people who were in the same pay grade as myself could only use it for work purposes (mind you this dude got right back to his porn habits as soon as it was fixed, but yeah sure Facebook did it *eye roll*). When I saw that note I was again fuming. I’m sorry, but if I bust my ass around here while most everyone else in this place does jack shit but gossip all day then I’m going to spend my breaks/lunches winding down the way I want. I texted a coworker, who hadn’t started his shift yet, that we were being punished for this dude’s bullshit. My coworker texted me back “Fuck that. I’m gonna put in my two weeks notice when I get there. Watch me.” And that’s exactly what he did. I was even more upset, because this guy and I had become close and he’s one of the few people that made my days there bearable. Now he was going to quit all because our boss treated this perv like he was gold.
How I handled the situation was writing a strongly worded letter to my supervisor and the director of the company. I won’t even drag this part of the story out because of course nothing was done. I was down a friend. I was up enemies because people didn’t want to believe that he was doing it. Actually I’m not sure what they thought, but the fact that no one sided with a young woman who was clearly uncomfortable working with a grown man who watched porn at work, on a company computer, oh and I forgot to mention that he would also have phone sex with women in other departments during work hours. That was always a fun listen, but I was the bad guy in the whole situation. A family member once suggested that I’d tell the police since this job was only a few blocks away from the police station. My one regret while I worked there is that I didn’t do just that, but my thought at that time was that it wasn’t that serious. I really should have done that though. Not sure what that would’ve accomplished, but if you have someone who can’t get through a workday without watching porn then no telling what type of individual he may actually be.
I gladly left that job in the summer of 2008. That place got under my skin so much that I left the damn state. I mean, my main reason was to transfer to another school, but my second reason was to get a clean break from that place. I visited once on winter break early 2009 and that was the last I stepped foot in there. When I moved back home 2013 family kept saying “Go back there. I’m sure you’d get hired back.” No. I’d rather be in poverty than return to that establishment. Not joking. This is only one of many problems I had with that place. Never again. Not today, Satan.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015©
Day 235: Yaaassss #FearTheWalkingDead #FTWD #TWD #ImReady #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals
IG-AsiaAneka
Tragic Crush Tales #8
A
was probably one of my very first crushes. It may seem a little weird
of me to talk about a crush I had when I was a kid, but it was a crush
that forced me to learn a lot about myself. It’s a crush that even
decades later is helping me sort out my feelings and who I am especially
since now that I have a word for it. I must say that I did hesitate
writing this though.
This was back in about second grade or so. A was a pretty blonde girl with ice blue eyes. Looking back I don’t think we were BEST friends, but we had lots of fun times and I remember lots of laughs with her. She had the thickest and shiniest blonde hair that I loved to do whenever we had free time in class. She was just the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on.
Back then I didn’t really know how I felt. I just knew that there was a girl that I thought was pretty and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it. I felt that I shouldn’t have a crush on her so I just took it as my brain saying that she’s pretty and nothing else. In the back of my mind I knew that I had feelings for her though. I’d never told anyone about how I felt, but my friends might have caught on because I talked about her A LOT. It left me very confused for a second grader because although I thought she was amazing and gorgeous, I still had crushes on plenty of boys in the class as well. I didn’t understand how I could think both were good looking.
I never told A how I felt, of course, since I didn’t think there were feelings to be had in the first place. I’d go on always dating boys, but A wasn’t the last girl I would ever have a crush on. As I got older I thought to myself that possibly I was bisexual. I’d never dated a girl by that point (still haven’t other than one online relationship), but remained very attracted to women. Still I dismissed being bisexual because I had never BEEN with a girl. I brushed it off again as just a simple admiration of certain women instead of sexual attraction. As I kept getting older, I started to strip labels away. It wasn’t particularly men or women I was attracted to. I was attracted to people who I found psychically attractive, had a good vibe, a great sense of humor, and all the good things people want in a mate. I didn’t really care what a person’s gender was. Then I heard of pansexual. That’s me. In the back of my mind I’ve always felt that it would be foolish of me to place my happiness based on gender. So far I’ve only dated men, but if a trans individual, woman, etc. were to sweep me off of my feet I can’t imagine denying myself true love because a person wasn’t born male.
As far as A goes I’m not sure what happened to her after elementary school. We went to separate middle schools and I never heard from her again. Not sure if she knew how I felt or if she would’ve even understood it, because I sure didn’t. I will always remember her though since she is the first girl to help me open my eyes to who I truly am.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015(c)
This was back in about second grade or so. A was a pretty blonde girl with ice blue eyes. Looking back I don’t think we were BEST friends, but we had lots of fun times and I remember lots of laughs with her. She had the thickest and shiniest blonde hair that I loved to do whenever we had free time in class. She was just the prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on.
Back then I didn’t really know how I felt. I just knew that there was a girl that I thought was pretty and that was that. I didn’t think anything of it. I felt that I shouldn’t have a crush on her so I just took it as my brain saying that she’s pretty and nothing else. In the back of my mind I knew that I had feelings for her though. I’d never told anyone about how I felt, but my friends might have caught on because I talked about her A LOT. It left me very confused for a second grader because although I thought she was amazing and gorgeous, I still had crushes on plenty of boys in the class as well. I didn’t understand how I could think both were good looking.
I never told A how I felt, of course, since I didn’t think there were feelings to be had in the first place. I’d go on always dating boys, but A wasn’t the last girl I would ever have a crush on. As I got older I thought to myself that possibly I was bisexual. I’d never dated a girl by that point (still haven’t other than one online relationship), but remained very attracted to women. Still I dismissed being bisexual because I had never BEEN with a girl. I brushed it off again as just a simple admiration of certain women instead of sexual attraction. As I kept getting older, I started to strip labels away. It wasn’t particularly men or women I was attracted to. I was attracted to people who I found psychically attractive, had a good vibe, a great sense of humor, and all the good things people want in a mate. I didn’t really care what a person’s gender was. Then I heard of pansexual. That’s me. In the back of my mind I’ve always felt that it would be foolish of me to place my happiness based on gender. So far I’ve only dated men, but if a trans individual, woman, etc. were to sweep me off of my feet I can’t imagine denying myself true love because a person wasn’t born male.
As far as A goes I’m not sure what happened to her after elementary school. We went to separate middle schools and I never heard from her again. Not sure if she knew how I felt or if she would’ve even understood it, because I sure didn’t. I will always remember her though since she is the first girl to help me open my eyes to who I truly am.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2015(c)
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