The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: But Where Is He?

        I’m at an age where I want to find my forever mate. Honestly, I have been at that age for years now, but I guess it hasn’t been in the cards for me just yet. I have no time to invest in a person only to hit a dead end. I am not a finished product nor do I want my partner to be, but I do want a person who is willing to grow. I want a perfect kind of love, in my eyes.
        I want the kind of love where we can both own up to our faults and talk them out. No storming off in a huff. No harsh words in order to win an argument. I want someone who I can genuinely sit down with, talk out, and solve a problem like grown people are supposed to. I want a partner who will make me laugh more than cry. Life is tough enough. Home and your loved ones should be your shelter from the storm. I want a love with a solid foundation of support. I want to support my partner in any dream they have because the ultimate goal I have is for them to be happy and I’d hope they’d want the same for me. I want a love I can trust. I will admit that I have been hurt so much in the past that it is extremely hard for me to trust in another human being, but I do want to believe that trust is something that can and will happen. All I want is honesty because that is something I can give 100% and deserve it right back. I want a love where we’re not making each other pay for past partner’s mistakes. I should not be fixing a broken heart that I did not break. The only thing I can do is prove that I’m not like the rest and stand out above all. I need a partner who I can have deep conversations with. I’m not one for small talk. Random conversations about life, love, interests, and the like are what inspire me. I want a partner that I can share things with. I want to be able to share the things that make me happy whether it be to go to a show to see my favorite band, going to see their favorite speaker, just being able to see the joy in my partner’s eyes as they get to let go and immerse themselves in something that they or I love. I want to be a part of that. I want a love that is goofy. I love to laugh. I love to make people laugh. I love to take a persons pain away by making them smile. I live off of laughter. I also need a love that is serious. I need a partner to understand when I need space, or comfort, or advice. I need a love that is patient. I battle depression and anxiety and know I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I need a person who will take their time. One that will show me empathy. I want a love where the emotional is just as explosive as the physical. I need to get off more than sexually. I need to connect to another person’s mind and feed off of their conversation. I need a partner that pays no mind to man made timelines. If we fall in love by month three or year three it shouldn’t matter. It should all flow naturally. No, “We have to wait until x, y, z time has passed and such and such milestones have been hit.” I once fell in love with a man on the first date and that was the longest relationship I’ve ever had. Love has no schedule. I want a partner who will always want what’s best for me. If they know I deserve a promotion at work, give me that pep talk. If they see I’m discouraged about my weight loss then pull up some meal plans. Be my biggest cheerleader because I sure as hell will be that for you. I want a love that is real. Real love is messy, it’s tough, and it’s exhausting, but if it’s worth it then it is the most beautiful thing on the planet. In my eyes this is what’s perfect.  I deserve this. I deserve to be loved as hard as I love. The only thing I’m waiting for is someone worthy of it.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: When Will We Reclaim Our Crowns?

         I am an African American woman. I take pride in that. I take pride in my culture, our heroes, those who sacrificed, our journey so far, my melanin, and my uniqueness. It does comes with it’s burdens, which are quite obvious and anyone can that see when tuned to any news channel, but I’m still proud. There are some things that do not make me proud. It is the epidemic of our kings and queens shedding their crowns and following in the path of darkness.
        I work in a pretty down and out part of town. I wouldn’t say it’s a horrible part of town, but it is most definitely the hood. Day in and day out I see many black men and women come in several times a day to buy numerous amounts of alcohol. Occasionally you can look into the parking lot and see drug deals go down and people getting high in their cars, and it all just leaves me dumbfounded. Although, none of this affects me personally I still take it personal. Why does no one see a problem with this? Why do neither of these addicts get that much needed wake up call, adjust their crown, and get back to that high road we should all be taking?
        Out of all of the this there is one thing that frustrates me more than anything else. Where I work is a national store. The location where I am now is not where I started. Where I started was at a location in our downtown area. At that location our alcohol only came in 6, 12, 18, etc. packs. So no matter your poison whether it be Budweiser, Miller Lite, Corona, etc you had to get it in a pack. I’ve also worked at other locations and this is also the case. At my current location that’s not how it is. The number of single cans/bottles almost, if not does, outnumber the cases. Many of these customers come in with their last few dollars and can only afford a can or two. No one seems to notice how screwed up this is. You go to a white neighborhood it’s not like that, but you go to a black neighborhood there’s all this easy access to help our people get hooked easier. Why don’t we only have cases? Is it because they know their target audience in this area can’t afford it, but they want their money by any means necessary? I’ve even been to other stores in different cities and states and for the most part customers do NOT have the ability to buy beer by the can. I’m puzzled as to how the people who buy on the regular don’t realize their weakness is being targeted or maybe they do, but their addiction won’t let them care.
        To those who have read my previous writing or know me personally probably also know the other reason why this upsets me so much. Growing up, my father was always very pro-black. I didn’t understand it as a kid, but I definitely get it now. Somewhere along the way he got hooked on heroin. I couldn’t understand how someone who was so self aware became so lost in something that is destroying the black community. I had to watch that day in and day out. Even when I moved to another state I had to hear about it day in and day out. Now that he is gone I’m stuck in a situation where I have to see this every single day. I’m so tired of seeing black men and women destroy themselves. I know it’s not my life and people will do what they please, but we deserve so much more. We are capable of so much more. To see someone waste potential or possibly has a kid, who was like me, hurting to see their parent self destruct, is frustrating. It’s suicide in slow motion. More than that I feel that’s what the system wants. They want to kill us off (or watch us do it ourselves) and we play into it. I just... don’t understand. I want our people to wake up, but we have to want that. We have to want our pride to be bigger than our demons. There’s only so much I can take. I hate seeing this every single day of my life. It makes me bitter. It makes me dread going to work. Seeing grown men pay for beer with coins just because he needs his fix. Seeing these same grown people come in three to four times a day as if something like a job, hobby, or family doesn’t exist.
        When will we wake up? Why is it that the younger generation seems to be more self aware than the older? When did they lose their way? When will we reclaim our crowns?

- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©
"Sunshine Self", 2017(c)
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson


My heart was yours to keep.
Turns out my love you didn’t want.
So many yes’s turned to no’s.
So many smiles turned to tears.
Excuses became the norm.
Heartbreak, again my home.
My trust I still tried to keep.
Wanting my faith in you to last.
You placed your insecurities on me.
All the while expanding mine.
You stood emotionless watching regret sting my eyes.
Tears of what I knew would happen.
I only wanted us to be great.
You wanted to be right.
So many no’s turn to silence.
Excuses that just turn to bullshit.
But my heart still beats of hope.
I shared my body and many a longing gaze.
Destined to be one with you.
Fear interrupted.
All that silence turned into accusations.
All the bullshit that just got deeper.
If you clear away the hurt.
If you push aside the bullshit.
You’ll see the vulnerability of my heart.
It is pure.
This feeling is true.
We get to the yes’s.
We dismiss the no’s.
Hang all excuses out to dry.
Trust in us.
Keep my heart.
A heart that’s still full of hope with you.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, Yes/No 2017©

The Story Of The Woman And The Fuckboy: A Twitter Tale


               -Asia Aneka Anderson, The Story Of The Woman And The Fuck Boy: A Twitter Tale 2017©