My Vows

I vow to be not like you.
Following in your mothers footsteps of unhappiness.
I vow to be the strongest woman I can be.
No need of companionship to make me complete.
I vow to show my future child to stand on their own two feet.
To not accept being treated anything less than great.
I vow to not be weak.
Not letting anyone have any power over me.
I vow to not settle for anything less.
No man shall bring me down.
I vow to open and expand my mind.
The universe is mine to take in and explore.
I vow to experience life and its wonders.
Not planting my feet in one place.
I vow to understand.
Embrace and learn from what is not my normal.
I vow to unapologetically and always be me.
There’s no one else who can do just that.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, My Vows 2016©
I made a post about a month ago about my new journal I was excited about. 
I said that I was going to toy with the idea of possibly loading some of my entries here, and you know what? I think I might just do that. Being the busy slacker that I am I will admit that I haven't written in it everyday. I'm still in mid-January somewhere. tsk tsk. I won't post every entry because, to be honest, a lot of these prompts that I've encountered so far are pretty dull. I've tried to vamp them up and make the reply all witty and relateable, but it didn't really help much. If the prompt sucks, it sucks. Anyways, I will post the ones that I liked the most and gave me the most to say. Look for that soon and I also want to try and get more of my Tragic Tales posted as well as other poems and stories that are just wasting away in my drafts folder. Also, have a happy Valentine's Day! ... or if you're single like me and enjoy quality tv HAPPY WALKING DEAD DAY!!!

Tragic Crush Tales #9

         It took me a while to warm up to H as a person let alone develop a crush on him. He was a coworker, he was a bit younger which caused me keep my distance (also a lot of the younger people we worked with were the gullible annoying type, which I assumed he also was), and his older sister also worked with us and I had already convinced myself that she hated me, although that’s probably not true. Once I did get to know him I quickly found out that he was the male version of myself. H was very sarcastic, dry, morbid, and gave zero fucks about what people thought about him. I’m not saying those are the best qualities a man can have, but I felt like he got me whereas people turn their nose up at my sense of humor and random train of thought.       
        We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
       The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
        Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
          H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©

Platter Of Promise

I had a recipe for a lasting love.
Made from scratch from my heart.
I stirred up the ingredients for a hopeful future.
A dash of understanding.
A dollop of support.
Lots of love and dedication.
Topped with all I have to give.
The dish for a forever romance.
Upon my hands I placed my heart.
Offering my all to you.
A platter of promise.
I watched as you devoured my creation.
Little did I know you had a recipe of your own.
A cup of mind games with a side of blame.
Chaos and destruction is what you served.
Reheated leftover heartache.
Leaving me to feel guilty for the recipe of love I made.
Licking your fingers at the mess you made of me.
I stare at my empty platter of promises.
The one I made especially for you.
I thought I had a recipe for a lasting love.
Perhaps that still holds true.
Something was missing from the list of ingredients.
That something was someone not you.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Platter Of Promise 2016©
"The only steps I’ve managed to take are going backwards."
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016(c)
“My City”,  2015©
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson
"Who will put me together when I fall to pieces?"

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©

What I Don't Deserve

I don’t deserve to be alone.
All the love in the world.
So much care stored inside.
Bursting to share with the man of my dreams.
Alas, I am alone.
In ways I always have been.
Somedays seems I always will be.
I don’t deserve this feeling.
What’s wrong with my love?
Why do many reject it?
My destiny so bleak.
I don’t deserve this loneliness.
Wasted time.
Hopes up.
Left to feel broken inside.
No explanations.
Just memories left behind.
An absence of reciprocated feeling.
I’m here.
All alone.
Left to sort through this feeling.
A feeling I don’t deserve.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, What I Don’t Deserve 2016©