Whyte Noise: The Sound Of Silence

Loud silence
Fleeting solidarity
We can take no more
12:00 a.m. a new day 

Back to your regularly scheduled program
Post your lattes
Your DIYs
And your kids
Another generation unable to speak
Seasoned with a pic of a vibrant sunrise
While cropping out the burning streets below
Your privilege allowing you to lift your veil
While we are still shrouded in darkness
Yet your laziness expects me to be your guiding light
Silence
Ah, I love the sound of white silence in the morning
Your sudden screams of deflection
"Omg look at the thugs looting"
Followed by our tired sighs
"Omg look at the white guys in disguise
Who break and destroy

Only to run away when the heat starts to rise"
Silence
We'll be right back to your regularly scheduled program of tone deafness
Ill timed quotes
MLK with a side of Gandhi and a dash of John Lennon
A little James Baldwin if you nasty
You're so woke
Then your loud and proud "buts"
Drowning out the voices of the unheard

"Stop! I'm being oppressed"

"That black man wants me to follow the rules"

Oh, the humanity

Clutch of the pearls
You master of oppression, you
Silence
Silence while you steal black culture and loot black lives
You praise the style and moves Justin Timberlake
As if Usher didn't do it back in '98
Pay the copycat
And when the people whose culture you stole asks you to have their back
Just do the minimum

Give yourself a pat on the back

Then turn the sound down 

And bring the silence back (Yeah!)
Appropriators don't know how to act
Change the channel
Another murder porn is on

A world premiere

Then you begin to sing your favorite songs
"Well He Must've Done Something Wrong"

"We Don't Have the Full Story"

And the #1 smash hit
"He Didn't Comply"
Outage ensues
Another moment of silence
Followed by a rerun of the tone deaf chronicles
#AllLivesMatter 20/20 special edition
Meanwhile mere objects are more valuable than mine 
Did you say that TV was $599 and designer handbags worth hundreds?
That sounds pretty steep when compared to the price black life
Target becomes your importance
Over the target on my back
Proof all lives do not matter
If my value is less than that of a coat rack
You kneel not in solidarity
But instead on the neck of our existence
Suffocating
Mother's without sons
Father's bury daughters
We can take no more
But I'm sorry
Did we interrupt your baseball game with a revolution?
There it is again
The deafening silence

I'll let you get back to your regularly scheduled program

-Asia Aneka Anderson, "Whyte Noise: The Sound of Silence" 2020(c)

       SCHOOL. IS. OVER.  Let us rejoice in the fact that I don't have to look at another equation, have to find out a Y axis, or find out what x is when I'm still confused as to why x moved over to math in the first place. I will say that I wish I had pay more attention to my last biology course so that maybe I could understand more of this virus business, but at the same time, by that last semester my brain was super fried. It is also worth mentioning that I started out the year with a new full time job where I DON'T have to work weekends and I DON'T have to work nights. A win-win.
     I say all of this to say that now I feel like I have the time to write more. Now I will say that with this pandemic going on my anxiety is all over the place. That means that my inspiration for new ideas is kinda shot because my brain is going into overdrive and overthinking about dying. So panic + creativity= mush. That's a mathematic equation that I can understand. Several months ago I submitted to a contest that was looking for poetry books. I didn't win, but I still kept the collection. Lately I've been trying to reach deep down for new material to add to the collection as well as get together some oldies but goodies so that I can test out self publishing. So far I feel like I have I have a good collection together. Right now I'm just taking my time to put it in an order that I like to publish it. Once that's all said and done then I can go back to writing my novels that I've been slowly working on for the past 72 years. 2020 might be the shittiest year of all time, but it may be the year that I can finally get my work out there.

Never Made To Fly

I emerged with my wings clipped
Made to fear the sky
When all I wanted was to soar
Never leaving upon my branch
As the world flies by below me
Above me
The world spins as I sit still
A courage thrived inside
In spite of the panic bestowed upon me
I jump only to plummet
So far from the world I’ve known
Yet still far from a world I’ve never explored
Soft grass under feet
But no wind under wings
For my wings were clipped
So that I could never soar

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Never Made To Fly 2019(c)

What Happens When Love Doesn't?

Two hearts untangle
Finding a rhythm of their own
Lasting gazes erase
Avoiding the aching soul
Smiles fade
As does the happiness
Paths divide
Leading two from one
Something meant to be
Becomes to be no more
What hurts does heal
What dies is reborn
Hearts beat and tangle once again
Pulses race
Mind and body collide
You succumb to the fall
Dreaming wide awake
Finally felling
What happens when love does

- Asia Aneka Anderson, What Happens When Love Doesn't? 2019(c)

True Love's Last Kiss

It was in a moment
A moment I can’t remember
I search for that feeling
One I can’t grasp

Forgotten the last
While the first stamped on my heart
Still I feel butterflies
That feeling when our lips first touched

If only I knew the last was it
I would’ve savored the taste
Your soul lingered with mine
As if it were to last forever

Our souls separate
Float along wandering a different universe
Trying to reconnect the disconnect
Where do I go?

I capture a moment
Memory still fresh of true love’s first kiss
A first touch
A last glance

I stand bare before you
These lips part
“Should I go?”
“Yes.”

-Asia Aneka Anderson, True Love's Last Kiss 2019(c)

Untitled

Who knew strange fruit could kill me?
Bitter taste of poison
Leaves drip red against the sun
Not of my own hand
But by my own mouth
Spit seeds of death
Before it takes my voice
Decay of rind
Such beautiful fruit
Succulent life
Sway
Where life begins
Strange fruit ends
I tend to the fallen in darkness
Plant remains of soul
Suck poison from root
I succumb to strange fruit

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Untitled 2018©

What's The J Stand For?

It’s all fake news
Media to blame
The so-called experts
But not I

Massive crowds
The crazed lunatics
Horse faced and third rates
But back to me

An inept disaster
Might possibly be a SCAM
A complete and total fraud
I can’t help myself

-Asia Aneka Anderson, What’s The J Stand For? 2018©

 

For our poetry class today we did a workshop on found poetry. I did mine from Trump tweets. This is the best compliment on any of my writing ever. 😂 I'll post the actual poem in a few.

Blowing Smoke

Blowing smoke
On empty breath
Flashing words with no meaning
You suffocate on faded messages
Spreading signals no one sees
Black lungs
A last exhale
Still not heard
Just words that mean nothing
Being muttered on empty breath

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Blowing Smoke 2018©

Goals

“We have reached the status of relationship goals.
The kind where we can have sex and eat pizza all day.
Just each other’s company is all we need.
The kind of goals where we text “I miss you” moments after a goodbye.
Where we can cuddle and be vulnerable.
We understand our silences as much as our words.
The kind where we can cry one minute and laugh the next.
Knowing our limits and our quirks.
A relationship where honesty rules all.
And support for each other is what matters most.
Lifting each other up so that we’re better than yesterday.
A partnership where you bare your heart and I bare mine.
The nakedness of our love.
The kind of relationship where we are a unit.
No you and I, but we.
They don’t make them like this anymore.
Just two unique beings on this journey of togetherness.
Our love is rare love.
Because of you I am lucky.
A cliché of sorts, but truth overall.
I can see you making me the luckiest girl in the world for the rest of our lives.
I say “our” because I imagine carbon copies of us in the future.
You make me believe in this.
This was a goal I never knew I wanted.
Then you came along to bring this all to life.
I can’t imagine an even better goal than just to have you near me.
No matter what that’s the only goal I need.”

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Goals 2018©

I Don't Have The Words

No words can describe how you make me feel.
None can define how my face lights up when I think of you.
There’s no words to illustrate how the butterflies flutter in my stomach when we touch.
Nor the way my heart swells when I stare at you.
There’s not enough words in the English language that express how much I love you.
I say it often to make up for lost time.
But it’s never enough.
No words could tell you how much I appreciate you.
Not a word can define how much I love you for loving all of me.
Nothing can describe how fast I fell after the first kiss.
No words can expound how much I look forward to our future.
All of the laughs.
Deep conversations.
Love making.
Eye gazing.
Nothing.
Nothing can describe how right we are for each other.
I don’t have the words to express how much I love you.
The only thing I can do it show you everyday.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, I Don’t Have The Words 2017©

My Father's Daughter

People wonder how I have such a temper, but am the sweetest person they know.
After all, I am my father's daughter.
Filled with creativity that takes no effort.
The strength of a thousand men in a small frame.
Overflowing with knowledge even Google doesn't know.
That was my father.
This is me.
Emotions that are buried down deep.
Secrets that will never be told.
Pain that would never be shared.
Each takes us piece, by piece, by piece.
Eating away until there is nothing left.
You wouldn't know because the strong don't break.
We don't bend.
We are resilient.
We put ourselves to the side putting you first.
"Are you good?"
"Are you okay?"
"You need any help?"
"What do you need?"
More worried about you than us.
Independents with a people pleaser attitude.
That's how it is.
That's because I am my father's daughter.
Will give you the shirt off our back.
But we take no shit.
As fierce as ever.
But broken inside.
A protector unprotected.
That was him.
This is me.
This is us one in the same.

 - Asia Aneka Anderson, My Father’s Daughter 2017©

Note To Self

Why don’t you bleed for this?
Why won’t you die for it?
If it is a passion where is yours?
If it is undeniable why do you deny it?
Where is your thirst?
Where is your determination?
Where is the want?
You want this.
Don’t you?
You work past the fear.
You work through the “no’s”
Even the ones you tell yourself.
Only then will you find your passion.
There you will bleed, suffer, and die for this.
How much do you want it?
No one said it would be easy.
But the hardest things are always the most worthy.
Do you sill want to give up now?
You got a taste of it.
There’s no way you can turn back now.
Give passion to your passion.
Go after what makes you happy.
After all, life is short.
Remove yourself from blocking yourself.
Only you are in the way.
Only you tell you that you don’t have what it takes.
The lies you tell yourself.
In fact, you can conquer all.
Continue the battle until you have won.
There is no other choice but victory.
You deserve every accomplishment you achieve.
If you bleed, fight, and die for it.
You can do anything.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, Note To Self 2017©

Lost In My Mind

What happens when your mind gets lost?
What happens when happy thoughts turn to sad?
Where does it stop?
When does it end?
My mind doesn’t pause.
Nor does it stop.
Thoughts that taunt me endlessly.
Convince me that I’m not good enough when I start to feel peace.
Tells me I’m not pretty enough when my confidence start to peak.
My own thoughts are my only enemies.
Steady somewhere between not good enough and barely getting by.
My mind stuck in a prison begging to be free.
Those little flickers of light bring hope.
Suddenly the clanging of the bars ring loud and clear.
So what happens when my mind gets lost?
My thoughts go dark.
What happens when happy goes to sad?
Hopelessness soon follows.
Where does it stop or end?
I don’t know.
I don’t think it ever does.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Lost In My Mind 2017©

You Can't Take My Happily Ever After

The very thought of you had me playing Disney themed romance scenes in my mind.
Happily ever afters.
Turned into nothing but disasters.
You shed your Prince Charming role.
With it my trust you stole.
First had me feeling like a princess.
Now the shit you put me through is senseless.
Exaggerated feelings that never existed.
If only your actions could've been consistent.
Lust mistaken for love.
A false partnership I never dreamed of.
Lies upon lies.
From that I grew to despise.
Once upon a time you hand me in the palm of you hand.
Later to reveal you lack what it takes to be a man.
Sadly in my heart you still remain.
But I know that it's all in vain.
There are no fairy tales with you in the end.
I know now that it was all pretend.
My prince charming does exist.
He'll be genuine and your lies will not be missed.
I won't let you shake my belief in happily ever after.
One day I'll find that man that shows me I truly matter.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, You Can’t Take My Happily Ever After 2017©

Yes/No

My heart was yours to keep.
Turns out my love you didn’t want.
So many yes’s turned to no’s.
So many smiles turned to tears.
Excuses became the norm.
Heartbreak, again my home.
My trust I still tried to keep.
Wanting my faith in you to last.
You placed your insecurities on me.
All the while expanding mine.
You stood emotionless watching regret sting my eyes.
Tears of what I knew would happen.
I only wanted us to be great.
You wanted to be right.
So many no’s turn to silence.
Excuses that just turn to bullshit.
But my heart still beats of hope.
I shared my body and many a longing gaze.
Destined to be one with you.
Fear interrupted.
All that silence turned into accusations.
All the bullshit that just got deeper.
If you clear away the hurt.
If you push aside the bullshit.
You’ll see the vulnerability of my heart.
It is pure.
This feeling is true.
We get to the yes’s.
We dismiss the no’s.
Hang all excuses out to dry.
Trust in us.
Keep my heart.
A heart that’s still full of hope with you.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, Yes/No 2017©

Live Your Life

They say that time waits for no one,
But some of us just sit and watch the clock.
Mesmerized by the tic and the tock.
They say that time heals all wounds,
But some pains can last a lifetime.
Life is too short,
But the day is long.
People come and go.
Memories fade or sting.
We sit still as time goes by.
Caught up in the never ending cycle of life.
Too busy existing to live.
Still time flies.
Wounds fade from view.
Life goes on.

 

- Asia Aneka Anderson, Live Your Life 2017©

 

The Game Is Over

Your words so cold.
Yet don’t cut deep.
You thought they had an effect on me.
For I am not shook.
Games you said you didn’t play.
But your number is on the leaderboard.
You failed to see my score is higher than yours.
At these games I am a pro.
For you are not the first one.
String me along while I lead you further.
This is a two player game.
You pressed start a little too late.
Although this is a game we play.
I go into each round optimistic.
Instead of opponents we become teammates.
Crushing whatever boss comes at us.
But you’re against me which makes me against you.
To the next level we go.
Losing rings.
Slipping on banana peels.
Dodging tossed barrels and colorful ghosts.
Waiting for the inevitable “Finish Him”.
These games are no fun when you’re pitted against each other.
The rematches grow tiresome.
We search our stash for the cartridge of “Us Against The World”.
Somehow I keep finding copies of “You Against Me”.
A partnership full of the wrong X’s and O’s.
A glitch that never corrects when blown into.
An unfortunate fatality.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, The Game Is Over, 2017

I Am Me

I am my skin.
I cannot hide this melanin.
I am my hair.
Every kink and every curl.
I am my big lips and big nose.
And every feature they imitate.
I am rhythm.
And the blues that comes with it.
I am our suffering.
And the inevitable success.
I am my mother and my father.
And every ancestors blood runs through my veins.
I am unique.
I am me.
There is none other.
No one empowered quite like me.
Unbreakable like me.
Black like me.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, I Am Me, 2017©