Tragic Crush Tales #9

         It took me a while to warm up to H as a person let alone develop a crush on him. He was a coworker, he was a bit younger which caused me keep my distance (also a lot of the younger people we worked with were the gullible annoying type, which I assumed he also was), and his older sister also worked with us and I had already convinced myself that she hated me, although that’s probably not true. Once I did get to know him I quickly found out that he was the male version of myself. H was very sarcastic, dry, morbid, and gave zero fucks about what people thought about him. I’m not saying those are the best qualities a man can have, but I felt like he got me whereas people turn their nose up at my sense of humor and random train of thought.       
        We didn’t work together too long because the store where we worked was going under, but for my time there he was one of the people I enjoyed talking to the most. When I did start to develop feelings for him I didn’t really hide it for long. I tried to be honest with him and we would playfully flirt a bit… well as much as two sarcastic people can. The only thing was for him to be sort of the “offensive, no fucks given” type I noticed a lot of the girls started to develop a crush on him as well. It wasn’t as though he was a ladies man, but it was noticeable. He definitely noticed. I backed away from the situation and tried my best to keep it friendly and to avoid feelings.
       The time came for everyone to part ways because our store officially went out of business. Since where we worked everyone was tight knit we’d get together as much as we could. That’s when I found out he sort of had something going with a lot of the girls there. It was either that he made out with them, tried to start relationships, etc. All I know is that almost every girl there seemed to have a story of some type of hookup, except me. I’ll admit that it hurt a bit, but it was whatever by that point. At that time my work schedule at my new job made it impossible for me to have a social life and he was preparing to leave town.
        Some time after our store had closed I would gush to one of my best friends back home about him. I can’t remember how, but I can assume that she volunteered to be wing woman and messaged him on my behalf. Sooner or later she’d tell me that her talking me up as an awesome girlfriend candidate turned into flirt sessions between the two of them. He had told her how he wanted to come see her and that she was beautiful, etc, etc. I’m not sure why he’d say all this to her seeing as she was my best friend. It struck me as really odd. I should also point out that this isn’t a friend that I trusted 100% so there was always the thought in the back of my head that there was more being said and done behind my back than what I was told. My feelings for him were pretty much done by then.
          H and I never happened (obviously), but in the end I always saw him as a friend. I think deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for him, but I always do for people I feel I can truly open up to since it’s something I don’t do often. We still keep in touch from time to time, but not really as much as I’d like. Maybe down the line we’ll become close again. I highly doubt it, but hey, I can’t predict the future.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©

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