My First Book Outline

Hi, everyone!

        I'm currently taking a novel writing class, and it's finally getting my ass in gear to write one of the few books I've been tinkering with for ages now. We recently had an assignment to make an outline for our book (we have to complete three chapters by the end of the semester) and also a character outline. Well, when the teacher gave me back these he made the comments that there's not enough conflict or strong connection, but that I have a lot of material to work with. So I thought I'd post my book outline here, because, after all, once it's completed you guys will be my audience. The book I'm writing is more of a simple drama, something that people can relate to. I'm not trying to write something epic like the Lord of the Rings or a suspense novel. I'm trying to write something that a teenager, a mom, a 20 something, just anyone can pick up and see a little bit of themselves in it.

       I'll give you a small background on it before I post it which will go more in depth. It is a multiple story line novel. It has to deal with different women/girls and their relationships with their mothers. Characters weave in and out of all the different chapters (each chapter will deal with each character individually in the beginning until all five are introduced) because they're all connected in one way or another. Just let me know what you think of the content. Does it grab attention? Do you think the subject matter is enough to grab attention? What do you think of the angle I'm taking by making it multiple story line? Any advice you have I'd be happy to hear. Thank you!! (Also I have chapter one done if you're interested in taking a peek.)

It’s come to my realization that maybe I should just blog some random thoughts here. My motivation is blah. No story ideas. My poems are all starting to sound the same. I just don’t really care about it anymore. Well I do, I just don’t know what to say anymore without it sounding stale and exaggerated. I’m still going through every emotion possible while also feeling nothing at the same time. An aunt told my mom recently about a medium she went to and my mom and I are hoping to go next weekend when I’m off of work. I’m not sure if I’m hoping it will give me some closure, but perhaps it will. I think I’m just looking for something to put my mind at ease. I want something to help me move along in this grieving process and also something to put my mind at ease about my past and future. I just want to feel like my life until this point isn’t for nothing because it damn sure feels like it. I have a hard time seeing what this life thing is all about, but I’m always hoping that there is something bigger and greater up ahead. I really think that there is, but I’m getting rather restless. I’m restless about being stuck, being alone, being broke, not being as carefree as I know my spirit wants to be. Oh well. That’s life. It has it’s moments, and most times those moments are grand but overall it’s kind of a drag. Here’s to hoping it won’t be a drag for long. My birthday is next month and that’s always something to look forward too, although I think I want to keep it pretty low key this year and only be around folks that can give me good vibes. Good vibes are all I need in my life right now and for always.

I’ve battled for years with the idea of making a YouTube Channel. I think I may make one this week. Since I’ve never really made a YouTube video it will be a big newbie experience and it’ll probably make your ears and eyes hurt, but everyone has to start somewhere lol. I got inspired by some of the people I follow on SnapChat. I even dabbled with the idea of just posting videos on my Snap and putting them together to make a video for YT, but I have no idea how to even do that, but I’ll figure it out. Probably the stuff I post will be topics off the top of my head. We shall see.

I’m thinking of starting another series of blog posts about random things that have happened in my life. Anything to keep the creative juices flowing.

I made a post about a month ago about my new journal I was excited about. 

I said that I was going to toy with the idea of possibly loading some of my entries here, and you know what? I think I might just do that. Being the busy slacker that I am I will admit that I haven't written in it everyday. I'm still in mid-January somewhere. tsk tsk. I won't post every entry because, to be honest, a lot of these prompts that I've encountered so far are pretty dull. I've tried to vamp them up and make the reply all witty and relateable, but it didn't really help much. If the prompt sucks, it sucks. Anyways, I will post the ones that I liked the most and gave me the most to say. Look for that soon and I also want to try and get more of my Tragic Tales posted as well as other poems and stories that are just wasting away in my drafts folder. Also, have a happy Valentine's Day! ... or if you're single like me and enjoy quality tv HAPPY WALKING DEAD DAY!!!

         Going through my aunt’s things (the one who passed in January) we came across her journals. She spoke about her depression as well as other demons she was battling. I won’t go into any type of details because she was a very very private person. Most of what she spoke of didn’t really catch me off guard because I could sense it. As I said in a previous post, I felt like I really go to understand her shortly before she died. I could see the many similarities between us which is why her talk of depression didn’t startle me. Anyways, a book I have been working on (or not really working on) revolves around a character who is battling depression, an eating disorder, a verbally abusive boyfriend as well as other things. I’ve struggled with writing this story as well as other story ideas I have. I will say that out of the 5 or 6 ideas that I’ve half assed over the past few years this is the very last idea I had that came to me about 1 1/2 ago. Now more than ever I feel like I need to finish it. I don’t think mental illness in the black community is talked about enough and is just brushed under the rug. I feel like I need to finish this for my aunt. There’s so much of my in this title character and now I see that there may be a little bit of her in there too. I wish I had to drive to just sit down and get it all out. That’s how my writing process was when I was younger. It’s sort of frustrating that that’s not how I operate anymore. Once I can finally get over that frustration hurdle I can get these stories out to the world, especially this one.

Tumblr: AsiaWrites

I have at least 6 story ideas none of which are completed. It’s kinda fucked up. I have all the desire to see them finished but no ambition to do it.

I’ve been thinking about entering this poetry contest and I think I’m going to enter a poem I made about my crush and alter it cause that’s romantic as fuck. And if I lose it’s his fault because he won’t date me.

I want to enter this poetry contest and the minimum is a three page poem. I can’t even wrap my head around that. Three pages?! Just kill me.

I have many book ideas swirling around in my head that I’m working on. There is one that I feel strongly about. It’s about a girl who has always been the black sheep, is dealing with mental illness, and in a chaotic relationship. Honestly the reason I keep hitting roadblocks with writing this story is because the main character is a black woman (loosely based off of myself) and in the black community we ignore mental illness for some reason. We always see is as something “only white people go through”. I really feel like when it comes to mental illness we have it harder because of the bullshit we have to deal with in the world and to top it off if we legit have a mental disorder we get ripped on by our own for being “weak” or something, and God forbid if you’re sexuality is something other than straight. I want to make this story to bring awareness that yes, black people face this too (as well as all races and genders), but I just don’t think that people will understand it or accept it. Once I’m done with it and can hopefully get it published I’d like to turn it into a screenplay. I already know that would be a hassle in itself and would really want to be hands on with it because we know, whether it’s indie or not, Hollywood likes to whitewash things and I won’t have any of that. I hope this story reaches everyone and that lots can relate. That’s all I really want.

I need something to get my writing mojo back. Make like some wacky journal like series. I thought about making a “Tragic Boyfriend Tales”, but seeing as I haven’t had many relationships it would be short lived. Still might be worth it. I’ll think about it. I’ve dated some weirdos.

Update

I know I sort of abandoned this blog. It happens. My motivation and creativity isn't what it used to be. Writer's block is a bitch, that's for sure. Then again no one is really reading this. That's still not an excuse for blowing off something I used to love to do more than anything. For right now I'm trying to catch this blog up with my Tumblr. There's still several poems and posts that I have not added here from there. I want to share all of my writing with both sites to expand my audience. I also have a poem that I'm currently working on that's pretty tricky for some reason. In addition to that I have a few opinion posts I want to do, but in pure perfectionist fashion I can't move on to do those until that poem is done. I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off if I don't work on these small projects in order. Hopefully I'll have all of those up within the next week. I also have ideas in my mind to beef up the major stories I'm working on. For most of them I've struggled with how to tie everything together, give the characters depth, and make it meaningful and I think I've found something that will at least make things better and perhaps easier to write. Stay tuned if you're actually reading this.

The most beautiful yet frustrating thing about my writing process is that the idea comes to me in the form of a movie trailer. Flashes of scenes that tie together the plot. You see the laughter, the tears, loss, and love. The characters become so real and this imaginary trailer draws you in. This clip plays over and over in my head and it even feels as though you can hear an obscure indie band playing in the background just like any independent movie trailer. The only problem is that you can’t see the whole story. All you see is the highlights and of course it’s only the good parts. I try to write around these good parts and nothing seems to fit. Sometimes you’ll see the teaser trailer that will give you more insight into the lives of these characters, but still not enough to give a story life. I’m constantly trying to bring life to something that comes in 2 minute clips and it never plays out as planned. I wish my mind would illegally download the rest so that I can show the world what I can do,

Who Am I?

I don’t do my writing exercise as often as I should. They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. This is not a habit that is sticking for some reason. I thought with this post I’d try to focus on something I know the most: Me :D lol jk, but seriously, I’ve said before that most of the characters I write about are based on myself. They’re either based on who I am, was, wish I were, or just overall some version of myself. Maybe if I write about what makes me tick it’ll help me form my characters a little better.
So first of all, who am I? I have no idea. Does anyone know the answer to that question? After all of these years I have no clue who I am. In the past I had some sort of idea who I was and who I envisioned I would be. When I was really little I imagined that I’d grow up to be some awesome teacher and reach out to kids. That was most definitely before I had even started school. Once I entered elementary school I realized that I hated kids and my first “What do you want to be when you grow up” dream career died at the drop of a hat.
As I got older my passion for music grew. I knew that one day whatever career I chose I’d want it to deal with music. For as long as I can remember I’ve loved all types of music, but as a young black girl in the 80s/90s I was teased for the rock music I liked. The only rock bands I’d admit to were the iconic ones: U2, Aerosmith, and Red Hot Chili Peppers. It wasn’t until when I heard The Beatles for the first time when I was 13 that this all changed.
The Beatles changed my life. Honestly. I finally let myself go and even though I was still teased, I didn’t care, because all I had to do was put on my head phones and let Paul, John, George and Ringo put a smile on my face. With my new freedom there was one group of people who still managed to make me feel small. My family. I’ve been called everything from weird to an embarrassment. Although, to be honest, they’ve always called me these things or made me feel left out. I am the self proclaimed black sheep. It’s a badge I’m used to wearing. Now that I’m older, I’m civil with my harshest critics, but I’m not very fond of them nor will I ever be.
When it comes to the characters I bring to life, most have a background of abandonment, as I did. My parents never abandoned me in a physical sense. My extended family did on many occasions. Once upon a time ago I was close to cousins, but often when my extended family went out for activities I was mostly excluded from this only to hear from my cousins what an awesome time they had. It made me always feel like I wasn’t as important as my cousins. It was even more hurtful when my parents never stood up for me when I was always left out. I mean, I am an only child which is already pretty lonely to begin with. This didn’t happen all the time, but it happened enough to where I expect people, even today, to leave me out of things. Even I think it’s silly that decades later this effects the way I interact with people today, but I can’t help it. I remember when I moved to Chicago years ago one of the first things my mom said to me was how she didn’t know where I got the courage to do a lot of things on my own because no one in my family ever had the balls to do it. I told her that it was easy. I know that I won’t disappoint me or hold me back from doing what I want and above all else I was used to being alone. Even when I moved back home these “family” members told me how worried they were that I was alone (it never occurred to them to call or email), but living solely on my own was complete bliss to me.
My characters have this loneliness that they battle with yet embrace, like myself. I like to be on my own. I like venturing out into the world not worrying about anyone else yet on one hand it would be nice to have someone to share amazing experiences with. Like myself, my characters march to their own contradictory drum. Hating themselves all the while embracing the life they lead and not wanting to change. It’s hard to explain, but that’s me. The main thing I share with my fictional characters is our love of music and not giving a damn what people think about what we rock out to. The people I write about dare to be different and bold, but sulk hard. They wonder what the world would be like without them, but are frightened of the idea that they may miss something. This thought often pops into my head and it scares me.
Often my personality seeps into every character in one single story. One I write in the vision of my current self will be hurt by my future self only to find friendship in the old me. I’m constantly at war with myself. Fighting to get to an old me that I didn’t particularly like in the first place and reaching for a future self that I’m pretty sure will never exist the way I imagine her. I fear that this future self will be exactly like the current me only more secluded and lost. No matter how much I try to change or ignore it the more I become my fear.
The trouble I run into putting my life into fiction is that my life is now at a standstill, therefore my characters are frozen in time as well. I have yet to accomplish my goal of wanting to be a entertainment journalist or even blogger who follows her favorite bands all over the country like I desperately want to do. I don’t know what steps to make this happen which puts me in this cycle of being completely lost and self loathing. Because of this my characters get no resolution with the struggles they face nor do they find the things that make them happy because they have no idea what makes them happy. Everything is trial and error with an emphasis on the error.
My life is a story that I will continue to attempt to write. I can only try to make myself better and find what made me happy at one time. That is my only way to mold these characters as well as myself. When I find myself out of this darkness I can only hope that these characters will follow.
SN: This was totally supposed to turn out to be a happy post, but if I had done that it wouldn’t have been 100% my life. I’ve laughed off a lot of things to keep from going into a REALLY dark place. I generally am a keep people laughing type of person even though my thoughts on life and myself would suggest otherwise.
By: Asia Aneka Anderson