Crush E is my latest in a series of men that have completely wasted
my time of the past few years. I seem to be attracting a lot of that
lately. Every time I find it surprising that men over the age of 23
still play games and then play victim when you call them on it.
I first met this guy through Instagram. That was my first mistake. How
on Earth did I think I could possibly take anyone serious on Instagram
of all places. I don’t even remember how or why we started talking, but
we hit it off really well. I got along with him, thought he was funny,
handsome, and that we had a lot in common. Unfortunately he lived in
Chicago and I’m not in a place financially to be able to move back just
yet.
We started talking around Halloween of 2015 and
quickly exchanged numbers. We texted a lot, but for some reason he sort
of vanished around Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before, but I’m not the
kind of girl who likes to pester someone. We all have lives, families,
work, etc. If I message you a few times and don’t get a reply I’ll
assume you don’t want to talk to me anymore or you have shit going on
and will get back to me when you can give me your undivided attention.
Well we started to get into the first few weeks of December and I still
hadn’t heard from him. I shrugged it off since we had only talked for a
few weeks. We didn’t have anything serious going on. There was a guy who
would come into my job all of the time and I could tell there was an
attraction so I gave him my number and we went out. The date was
absolutely terrible. I didn’t have to dwell on it too long because days
later E popped back up and it was as if nothing had changed. We made
jokes of my bad date and our closeness grew stronger as the days and
weeks went on.
I say days and weeks because as we were
ringing in 2016 E went off on his merry way again. No response to
messages until he gives me this long tirade, a week into the new year,
about how he needs his space and that I’m forcing a relationship on him
and that he only wanted to be friends. Blah, blah, fuckin’ blah. From
the moment we first started talking the flirting was on both ends, but
all of a sudden I was forcing my flirtatious behavior on him and making
him soooo uncomfortable *sarcasm*. I found it strange and also upsetting
because a week prior we were telling each other how we were hoping this
was meant to be and couldn’t wait to meet each other one day. It wasn’t
a one sided conversation. I wasn’t talking to myself. Without going
through every incident with this dude let me just say he disappeared
often only to return with his victim speech about how I was forcing my
affection on him knowing that he didn’t want a relationship. He’s the
most confusing man I’ve ever dealt with because I couldn’t understand
how we’d both be flirting then all of a sudden it was only me that was
the aggressor.
That brings us to a few weeks ago
when I discovered why he always wanted to shame me as the bad guy. There
was someone else. Instead of being an adult and telling me that he
wanted to proceed with this other woman I had to find out via Instagram.
Many times I asked him if there was someone else and he’d always say
there wasn’t. When I confronted him this last time his excuse was that
they were only talking and not officially dating until very recently. So
because they didn’t have the “Will you be my girlfriend? Circle ‘yes’
or ‘no’“ talk that means that it’s okay to still talk to me on the side
and not be upfront and let me know that you’re starting to have feelings
for someone else? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’m not
someone’s back up plan. I’m an actual person with feelings. You think
that crossed his mind? No. When he discovered that I wasn’t going to
fall for the “we weren’t officially dating when you first asked me”
excuse he had to pull another one out of his ass. He decided to go with
the old high school excuse of “I didn’t want to tell you because I
didn’t want to break you heart.” Because lying to me or not telling me
will make me feel so much better. Thank you, E. Thank you so much. Lying
only exists to make the liar feel better about themselves. Never has it
ever made the person being lied to at ease. Now, let me say this. As
I’ve gotten older and have had my heart broken a few times it gets
easier and I mean way easier for me to move on. I’m too old to be
crying over some dude and especially one who feels it’s okay to
disrespect me. That being said, when he told me that he felt telling me
would break my heart, I laughed. It was so arrogant to me. We’ve never
met. You’ve played with my emotions like a yo-yo for about seven months
and you’re wondering if your fickle feelings broke my heart. Not to
mention my father passed not even a month before this (another reason I
feel a decent human being would’ve been up front about his actions) and
you think your bullshit lies even rank on my list of fucked up things to
happen to me this year? Honey, please. I just experienced a heartache
like none other and it’s not over Mr. “I don’t know what I want in life
so I’m gonna sit here and waste your fucking time and then make it all
be your fault. You made me flirt with you. I’m the victim here.” He
still tried to find excuses. He brought up three dates I went on during a
few of his many absences. Although all three dates turned up bad and he
knew about every last one he still wanted to run with that excuse. To
me it would’ve been much easier to just say “I wasn’t really feeling you
anymore. Sorry I didn’t tell you in APRIL when I first started
talking to this other girl
(yes, he had been talking to her for three months while we were also
talking), but it is what it is.” That would’ve been a more adult
response instead of looking for any and every way to make me look like
the bad guy and refusing to own up to his bullshit.
This
all sucks because a week after I found all of this out I was in Chicago
for an event. While planning this event I was really looking forward to
meeting him and getting to be with him. That’s why being up front with
me would’ve been a great idea. That way I wouldn’t have been planning a
trip with my heart set on that. It could’ve been just about my event,
getting together with old friends, and making new ones. Trust me that I
still did all of that and had the most amazing time, but that’s not how
it all started when I had my heart set out on this. At first when I said
my peace and everything was said and done I said to myself that I hoped
this woman would do him like he did me (and some girls before me,
apparently, but I really don’t want to get into that because I honestly
don’t give a fuck). I hoped that she’d stop responding to messages, give
him the cold shoulder every three weeks, talk to a few other dudes,
make him feel like he’s some thirsty dude that’s just fawning over her,
tell him that he’s moving too fast while at the same time egging him on.
Then I thought about it. No. Nobody, not even him, deserves to have
their feelings played with like that when we’re all out here just trying
to find companionship and a soulmate. Instead I want her to show him
compassion, communication (which he lacked SEVERELY), loyalty,
partnership, and warmth so that he knows what it feels like and in turn
can learn from her and know how to give it back. He wasn’t for me and
that’s fine. All I wanted was a little honesty and didn’t get it. I’m
not missing anything.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
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