Even though we’re already more than a few weeks into the year
it is never too late to ask the universe what good things to bring into
your life and what negative things you don’t want to follow you from the
year prior.
This new year I want to bring new and
exciting journeys. This doesn’t have to mean travel, although that is
part of my plan. To me it also means new paths in life that were once
closed off before, but the brush is now starting to clear. This year I
have returned to school after almost a decade. It’s been sort of rocky
because I’ve been out of practice for so long, but I’m more excited
beyond words. If there’s anything in my life that I truly love(d) doing
it was learning. I changed my major from Journalism/Communications to
Creative Writing and I have found my calling. I love my classes and I
love being back in a classroom. This is my journey that will open up the
door to more journeys in the near future and so on.
I
still have this amazing man in my life. That is another learning
opportunity. Learning to love someone. Also learning to love myself the
way that he loves me while also learning to see myself as he sees me.
Most of the time he wants whats better for me than I do for myself. I
need to follow that journey to loving myself, but it is a rough road,
even though it may not be as rough as it may seem in my eyes. He has a
great teenage daughter. Another journey, I thought I’d never see myself
taking, is being a positive influence. To show her the loving
relationship I have with her dad. She’s very much a daddy’s girl as I
was and if he’s happy, she’s happy. Same as I was with my dad.
Speaking of this man in my life, let’s talk about actual physical
journeys. For several years I traveled alone. I had no problem with that
and also met a lot of great people on the way. This time around I get
to share that with someone. That’s an added bonus. We get to do things
that we both love to do, share in some great experiences, and make lots
of memories together.
This is the year of big steps.
Right after the new year I met with my therapist and I read her my
bucket list and she suggested that I tackle a few this year. And why
not? I hope to find a home with my love and his daughter. That’s a huge
step in my book. I’ve always wanted to do some type of acting. As a
matter of fact, with the stories that I’m writing I’d love to turn them
into scripts and possibly play the main characters that I pour my heart
into. I hope to take a chance and try some local theater to see how it
goes. I may not be as bad as I think. As of right now I’m taking a novel
writing class and there is no better way to get a gigantic kick in the
ass than getting told that to have to write 30-60 pages (three chapters)
of a novel. With this push I am hoping to get my novel completely done
by the end of the year. This is definitely the push that I needed.
I want freedom. That is something that is so important to me and
something I haven’t felt since I left Chicago. Even though the struggle,
while living there, I still felt this unbelievable freedom. I want to
feel that again. I want to feel like I am living life on my own terms
without asking permission of anyone. Life with no boundaries. Freedom is
what I want from 2018 and every year after.
I want
this to be the year that I shed the skin of past years. I am a sponge. I
absorb a lot of pain; my own, my loved ones, my friends, my coworkers,
etc. I have always been that person. I feel so heavy. So full of pain,
hate, and stress. It’s time that I wring myself out and become new. It’s
time to let the negativity slide off of me instead of cutting deep and
sticking to me like glue. I will never be a bubbly person because that
is not who I am at my core, but the agitated person that I am now is not
me either. I am snarky and sarcastic, but I am not bitter and hateful.
This is, sadly, what I have become as a way to maneuver in my
environment. I will not be stressed by the small things. I will except
things for what they are and not beat myself over the head for things I
cannot change. This is easier said than done, but it’s about time I stop
punishing myself. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair for the people
who try to love me and I make it difficult.
All I
want from this year is growth. Not only for me, but for everyone. Learn
something new. Risk it all sometimes because it might be worth it. Don’t
beat yourself up if it wasn’t. Take plenty of chances. Don’t overthink.
Do something different. Break from a routine. Say “yes” more than “no”.
Make lots and lots of memories. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t stick around
for someone’s abuse or negativity no matter how much you may love them.
Some you have to love from afar, and that’s completely okay. Don’t let
them make you feel guilty for loving yourself enough to say “no more”.
Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than. Love you enough that you
don’t care what they think. Don’t shame each other. We all bring
something unique to the table so don’t bring down someone because their
unique is different from yours. More love and less hate is universal.
That is and should always be the motto.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©
No comments:
Post a Comment