Tragic Crush Tales #5

         Crush S I really didn’t give a chance. We met through a popular dating site back in 2011. I was immediately attracted to him. He was a nice looking guy, funny, and extremely intelligent. In my profile I left a hint on how to find me on Facebook (as I do with all of my dating profiles because I’m not paying for that shit) and he quickly found me. We were able to converse there a bit more in order to get to know each other.
         With crush S we never really got a chance to meet. When we first started talking I was on a leave from work because I had fractured my foot. I was able to get around, but there was no way I was going to meet up with a great guy on a date and have a big boot on my foot. In the beginning the timing was just off for us. I was working for a company that left me zero time for a social life, now I had this fractured foot, and because of this stressful job I had gained a considerable amount of weight which left me feeling not so great about myself. With or without a fractured foot I wouldn’t have met S simply because of my weight gain. I’ll have to admit another reason why I was hesitant on meeting was because the pics from his dating profile and his Facebook were slightly different. Not different in a “I don’t think this is the same person” kind of way. They were different in a way where all of the pictures from his dating profile were very attractive, but his default pic on FB wasn’t as attractive. So I assumed his dating profile pics were most likely old and the FB one was probably more recent. That was lame on my part.
         The weird thing about S is when we finally met it was purely by chance. It was a year later. I was attending Lollapalooza which was evacuated this particular day because of a bad storm. I went into a nearby Target to get out of the rain. As I walked around the store to kill time until the heavy rain calmed down I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw S walking towards me. I was surprised at how handsome he was and was completely caught off guard because I was totally soaked and had mud all over me. We talked for a few minutes until he said he had to get back to his….girlfriend. I knew I had screwed up and it was all due to my own severe insecurities and shallowness.
        As time went on S and I would still talk from time to time on FB. I’d see a few girlfriends here and there and I also checked out his old girlfriends. I started to notice that they all sort of looked alike. They were all very afrocentric women with very African sounding names and he’s sort of a nerdy white guy (a cute nerdy white guy, but a nerdy white guy nonetheless). So even after he and the girlfriend I’d seen him with had broken up I still wasn’t sure about him. I had this feeling like he had a fetish of sorts. As someone who has dated outside of her race often I had plenty of boyfriends or potential boyfriends who were more or less dating me to try something different. It was hard for me to tell if this was S’s deal. I was tired of being someone’s fad or experience. I would hate to really fall for someone only to find out they just have a thing for black women and want to see what it’s like.
        It wasn’t until recently that I realized that S probably didn’t have an agenda in mind when it came to women he dated. There was a discussion on FB about police killing black men and the way he defended the black community, not only to his racist friends but to mine as well, made me change my mind about him. I didn’t change it because he stood for what was right. I changed my mind because he knew what he was talking about and was passionate and genuine about it. Before I had come to this realization I was already kicking myself because S really is a good guy. For the 4 1/2 years I lived in Chicago there were only two men I came across who where genuinely good guys; S was definitely one of them and crush L was the other. In recent years I haven’t come across a man with his level of intelligence and wit. I let this one slip through my fingers…. which I now see I’m good at doing.
        Earlier this year I saw a post of my newsfeed that he had proposed to his girlfriend. I’m not going to bitch and moan about it. He deserves to be happy and with someone that makes him happy. I’m not in a position to do that with anyone yet. I still have a lot of work to do on myself so that I can learn to make myself happy instead of depending on others to fill that void. Once I’m there I’ll be ready to find someone as great as S. We’re still Facebook buds and talk here and there. I’m okay with being friends with him. God knows I need more positive people like him in my life, even if it’s just through social media.

-Asia Aneka Anderson

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