Tragic Crush Tales #6

Crush R didn’t really last long. He stepped into my life recently only for things to take a complete nosedive not even 4 months after first talking.
        I first saw R while searching through the profiles of He was actually one of the first people to catch my eye. Problem is he lives in Chicago and I left there a few years ago to get myself financially stable enough to return one day. Weeks later I received a message from him. He came off as a nice guy. He said really kind things about my looks and what I had on my profile and told me a little about himself. By the second or third time we talked we were already exchanging numbers.
        At first he would text me often. He would even send me ‘good morning’ texts. That’s not even something I would get from guys in past relationships. He worked often and would have to take long bus/train rides everyday to and from work. That’s something I was all too familiar with since the last job I had while living in Chicago burdened me with a 2 hour trip both to and from work each day. After a few weeks his texts became less and less. I’m not the type of girl who gets upset if I don’t hear from a guy for a few days, especially since I really understood his situation. Even without that factor, I’ve just never been that girl. I would text him to wish him a good day at work and sometimes wouldn’t hear back for days. Again, no problem. Just get back to me when you have a free minute. What I did have a problem with is sometimes when I would text him not even an hour later he would be tweeting his ass off. It’s a pet peeve to text or message someone, who takes days to message back, only to see them extremely active on social media. I’ll give him this, he’s not on social media a whole lot, but to blow me off is a little rude.
        A little over three months of talking to him we both kind of drifted. I had things going on in my life and I just felt like he was wasting my time. There were things from the start that bugged me about him, but I was trying to step outside of myself and not be so judgmental. I usually judge a book by its cover and I want to stop doing that. One of the very first red flags that came up is he’s a 36 year old man who types like a 14 year old in the days of MySpace. What I mean by this is Hi5 t3xts wud read l!K d!S. As someone who wants to be a writer this drove me fucking insane. No teenager should type like this let alone someone knocking on 40′s door. I looked past it though. Once I could decipher what he was saying he was saying all the right bullshit. The thing is I learned quickly that it was just that. Bullshit. In the past few years since I’ve been hurt by so many friends and potential mates I now REALLY listen to what people are saying and NOT saying. I’m 32 and have no time to mess around with a person and realize they’re not the one. Most days when R would talk about relationships and what he was looking for he would always just mention that he was just looking for “someone” or that he just “really needed some woman” in his life. It was never “I’m looking for a woman with ____ qualities.” He didn’t necessarily have to say that he was looking for someone like me, but most people say what it is that they’re looking for in a person, not just the next person that is willing to talk to them. It just always stood out to me. The second red flag was his obsession with “redbones”. I had never even heard of the term before him. Like a lot of young black men, I’ve seen lately, there’s this sick mentality that women of white or of a lighter complexion are more attractive than women with dark skin. Since I’m looking for a lifelong partner I couldn’t imagine starting a family with someone that has such a skewed view on his own people. I refuse to raise a daughter who will always be worried if her skin is light enough based on what she may overhear her father say and I definitely refuse to raise a son that will put down women based on their complexion. That was a huge turnoff for me, especially since I started to notice that he was more attracted to a skin color than actual features on a woman. Too many times did he bring up my light skin and even once grilling me asking me were my parents or grandparents light skinned I guess to see where I got it from. Whatever that means. The third red flag is how ill he spoke of the mother of his daughter. After just a few conversations with him he brought up that she was an asshole. Not sure why he felt the need to tell me that after just getting to know me. I know some people have horrible exes, but to bad mouth them to other folks you don’t know and on social media while you have a child with this person is a bit much. The final red flag which really made me throw up my hands is that he would continuously flirt with other chicks online.
          I’m not 100% the jealous type, but most women will tell you that when it comes to other girls it’s them we’re worried about, not you, because we know how shady and slimy other chicks can be. Well, around the times when I’d text him and not get a reply, he’d be on Twitter and I noticed that sometimes he’d talk to one girl in particular. It didn’t happen a lot, but enough for me to notice. It was never a “Hey, what’s up?” …. I’m sorry. I meant it was never a “Hay wHuts uP?”. It was more flirtatious like heart emojis and telling her how fine she was etc. etc. So naturally I’d get pissed because I’d take the time out of my day to text him sweet messages to let him know that I was thinking about him and he would have the nerve to not reply, but would message another chick. I felt that if he could do that out in the open then no telling what private messages are like and not only that, she lived in Chicago too. One day it all came to a head because he did it and I called him out on it. I was dealing with my aunt’s declining health and was actually on my way to the hospital when I saw his tweet to this girl. I went off. He knew what I was dealing with at the time and knew that I didn’t appreciate him constantly talking to these other girls if he supposedly liked me. The excuse I got was that I did it too. What he was referring to is sometimes I’ll RT pics of male models, internet famous people, or actual famous people. One person in particular he brought up is a pic I RT’d of Michael B. Jordan. I informed him that he was an actor, and his reply was that if he didn’t know who he was then he wasn’t famous. I would guess he wouldn’t know MBJ seeing as he doesn’t even know what The Walking Dead was and that is the most popular show on TV. The logic was still stupid. I only know Zayn and Harry of 1D, does that make the other dudes less famous? No. I have no idea who Fifth Harmony is. Guess what? Still famous. I love Zendaya, but you know what? I have no idea what she does, but dammit she’s still famous. If R wanted to message every female celebrity or vine famous chick on this planet I could give 0 fucks. It was the fact that he was reaching out to accessible women and disrespecting me when I said that it made me uncomfortable. If me tweeting Idris Elba or any other celebrity made him uncomfortable if he had said something I would have toned it down out of respect for his feelings. I think what hurt me most was all the while, beforehand, he’d tell me that he couldn’t wait to meet me and things like that then turn around and become a jerk about something like this. Oh, and he also called me a “mother fucker” or in his broken  English “mfs”. What grown man calls a woman that? It was all so very childish and I couldn’t believe that this person that I barely knew was bringing me down to their level.
          By the time this was all said and done I was through. Good for him for saying and doing all the right things for all of about 3 weeks. The last thing I got from him which really made me put the period on the end of my sentence with him is he called me about a week before my aunt passed away. When he called I didn’t talk much. My mind was elsewhere as well as being extremely tired from sitting in the hospital from early in the morning to late at night. He knew all of what I was going through. Shortly after we hung up he subtweeted: “Her attitude was real shitty”. My aunt was dying and my attitude was “ real shitty.” I’m more than happy I’m done with that. Most men I’ve dated have been a few years younger than me. R was 4 years older than me and the most immature man I’ve ever had to deal with.

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015 (c)

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