Have you ever sat back and thought about what if you’re actually dead
and your spirit is stuck in this hellish pseudo reality? Hear me out. I
sometimes think about this because as crazy as it sounds it makes hella
sense. For instance I have a younger cousin who, from the time of her
birth until she was about 15, we were extremely close. What if I was
sort of an imaginary friend to her and when she was 15 and we had a
“falling out” it was her really outgrowing me? I’ve talked tons about
how my close friends bailed on me. What if the times we hung out was
them remembering me and when they “bailed” it was just them moving on
from mourning and when I hear from them every blue moon it’s because
they said or saw something that reminded them of me? What if when I talk
to family it’s just because they’re still mourning and can still feel
me around. I’ve talked a lot about my dads drug addiction. What if the
reason he started is because he couldn’t handle my passing? And what if
the reason my mom won’t leave him is because the pain of dealing with
her only child dying is too much to take on her own? What about if when I
moved to Chicago that was something made up, almost like a vacation for
my spirit? I mean I had never even been to Chicago before I moved there
and most of the places I hung out at are well known tourists spots. And
possibly that’s why I barely heard from my family the 5 years I lived
there. Am I the only one who thinks of this shit? My brain exploded.
Like am I really dead or just that ignored?
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
Not Tomorrow But Today
People count on there always being a tomorrow.
We put life on hold hoping to have tomorrow.
We ignore loving someone until tomorrow.
Sometimes life is hard and we believe it will be easy tomorrow.
The only regrets we should claim is thinking tomorrow is a promise.
In a matter of seconds a life is lost.
There is no tomorrow.
Tomorrow doesn’t exist.
Life knows nothing of tomorrow.
The only thing for certain is today.
Make your mark on this world today.
Hug her and make her feel loved today.
Change someones life today.
Change YOUR life today.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
We put life on hold hoping to have tomorrow.
We ignore loving someone until tomorrow.
Sometimes life is hard and we believe it will be easy tomorrow.
The only regrets we should claim is thinking tomorrow is a promise.
In a matter of seconds a life is lost.
There is no tomorrow.
Tomorrow doesn’t exist.
Life knows nothing of tomorrow.
The only thing for certain is today.
Make your mark on this world today.
Hug her and make her feel loved today.
Change someones life today.
Change YOUR life today.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
Be My Future
I’ll wait for you.
I toss away all momentary happiness for a lifetime with you.
Just the sight of you plants a smile on my face.
I never knew I could miss something so much that I never had.
I lost you in my own fear of rejection.
Replaying in my head what could have been.
Waiting for circumstances to join us together again.
Practicing all the things I’ll say to you.
Dreaming of the love you’ll say you have for me.
The happiness I’ll get from calling you mine.
Roaming this Earth with my tiny hand in yours.
Fearing to let go and be reminded of a time where “we” didn’t exist.
I see you and only you.
I won’t be satisfied with anyone else.
The day will come when I won’t have to dream of our future.
On that day I’ll be happy that I can keep you.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
I toss away all momentary happiness for a lifetime with you.
Just the sight of you plants a smile on my face.
I never knew I could miss something so much that I never had.
I lost you in my own fear of rejection.
Replaying in my head what could have been.
Waiting for circumstances to join us together again.
Practicing all the things I’ll say to you.
Dreaming of the love you’ll say you have for me.
The happiness I’ll get from calling you mine.
Roaming this Earth with my tiny hand in yours.
Fearing to let go and be reminded of a time where “we” didn’t exist.
I see you and only you.
I won’t be satisfied with anyone else.
The day will come when I won’t have to dream of our future.
On that day I’ll be happy that I can keep you.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
Birthday Woes
My
birthday is less than three weeks away and I’m pretty excited. With
that excitement I’m reminded that almost every birthday in my adult life
has been horrible. The last birthday I can genuinely say that I had a
good time was when I was 11. That was almost 21 years ago.
Most of my birthdays are full of me hoping for something big only to have only one or two people show their faces. For my 21st birthday I was very excited. Who isn’t for their 21st? Well I ended up getting sick a few days before. On top of that my friends at the time were either under 21 or bailed on me. I ended up going out with a coworker to a gay club. She was nice, but it’s not what I had pictured my 21st would be like. My first birthday when I lived in Chicago was my 27th. It was another where few people (coworkers) showed up, but I’ll admit that at least the people that matter showed up and it was great. Well it was great until a girl I considered a good friend decided to make out with a guy I liked right in front of me. I got to relive that experience for days since it spread around where we worked.. and yet somehow I ended up the bad guy in that story because I was upset. Oh well. I think they’re still together. They get to use my birthday as an anniversary date. Good for them. On my 28th my best friend drove up from Ohio to Chicago to spend my day with me. That weekend was chaos. My power had been shut off so my mind was all over the place and the people I invited to celebrate with me and meet my new friend never showed up. I felt bad because I felt like I didn’t get a chance to show her the city and make it fun. I don’t talk to her anymore so part of me is okay that the weekend didn’t turn out flawless. A few months before my 29th I reconnected with an old crush/best friend. I decided instead of spending my birthday, most likely alone, in Chicago I’d go home to Ohio. I got to see him and the sparks flew all over again like they had years before. Long story short, we started dating and not long after I found out through FB that he was with someone else. Last year was my first birthday back home in Ohio. I was already depressed that I had to come back to this hell hole, but I was really hoping the friends that I hadn’t seen for years would pull me out of that slump. One best friend I didn’t even hear from and the other one bailed. I spent that birthday alone in my bedroom. Here it is almost a year later and I have still yet to see either of them.
Even though my birthday usually ends with me frowning somehow I end up feeling like my birthday is the best day of the year. I’m not sure if it has to do with that I take pride in being a Libra or maybe the fact that John Lennon and I share the same birthday (even down to the hour). There’s something about sharing a birthday with your idol. Knowing that keeps a smile on my face even through all the bullshit I deal with and put up with. This year I’m hoping things will be a lot different. Something amazing is supposedly happening on my actual birthday. If it does (and it will because I believe in it) it will change my life forever. I don’t want to say what it is because I don’t want to jinx it, but when it happens I know I am the type of person who will share and will be more than ready to change someone else’s life as well, especially some of you guys on here. You’ve changed me more than some of you will ever know. A part of me will always want to share it with “friends” and have a good time, but this change will be bigger than that and I want to take this change head on and not hold onto people from the past that I’m always hoping will care. 32 will be the year that I grow more than I did the year before. I’m still learning about life, love, and relationships. It’s hard to try and learn this lesson on your own, but I can and will manage. It makes me stronger. Even though this great thing will most likely happen this year I’ll probably still be spending this one alone with cake, Netflix and The Beatles. But that’s okay cause the rest of my life will be an adventure to end all adventures.
Most of my birthdays are full of me hoping for something big only to have only one or two people show their faces. For my 21st birthday I was very excited. Who isn’t for their 21st? Well I ended up getting sick a few days before. On top of that my friends at the time were either under 21 or bailed on me. I ended up going out with a coworker to a gay club. She was nice, but it’s not what I had pictured my 21st would be like. My first birthday when I lived in Chicago was my 27th. It was another where few people (coworkers) showed up, but I’ll admit that at least the people that matter showed up and it was great. Well it was great until a girl I considered a good friend decided to make out with a guy I liked right in front of me. I got to relive that experience for days since it spread around where we worked.. and yet somehow I ended up the bad guy in that story because I was upset. Oh well. I think they’re still together. They get to use my birthday as an anniversary date. Good for them. On my 28th my best friend drove up from Ohio to Chicago to spend my day with me. That weekend was chaos. My power had been shut off so my mind was all over the place and the people I invited to celebrate with me and meet my new friend never showed up. I felt bad because I felt like I didn’t get a chance to show her the city and make it fun. I don’t talk to her anymore so part of me is okay that the weekend didn’t turn out flawless. A few months before my 29th I reconnected with an old crush/best friend. I decided instead of spending my birthday, most likely alone, in Chicago I’d go home to Ohio. I got to see him and the sparks flew all over again like they had years before. Long story short, we started dating and not long after I found out through FB that he was with someone else. Last year was my first birthday back home in Ohio. I was already depressed that I had to come back to this hell hole, but I was really hoping the friends that I hadn’t seen for years would pull me out of that slump. One best friend I didn’t even hear from and the other one bailed. I spent that birthday alone in my bedroom. Here it is almost a year later and I have still yet to see either of them.
Even though my birthday usually ends with me frowning somehow I end up feeling like my birthday is the best day of the year. I’m not sure if it has to do with that I take pride in being a Libra or maybe the fact that John Lennon and I share the same birthday (even down to the hour). There’s something about sharing a birthday with your idol. Knowing that keeps a smile on my face even through all the bullshit I deal with and put up with. This year I’m hoping things will be a lot different. Something amazing is supposedly happening on my actual birthday. If it does (and it will because I believe in it) it will change my life forever. I don’t want to say what it is because I don’t want to jinx it, but when it happens I know I am the type of person who will share and will be more than ready to change someone else’s life as well, especially some of you guys on here. You’ve changed me more than some of you will ever know. A part of me will always want to share it with “friends” and have a good time, but this change will be bigger than that and I want to take this change head on and not hold onto people from the past that I’m always hoping will care. 32 will be the year that I grow more than I did the year before. I’m still learning about life, love, and relationships. It’s hard to try and learn this lesson on your own, but I can and will manage. It makes me stronger. Even though this great thing will most likely happen this year I’ll probably still be spending this one alone with cake, Netflix and The Beatles. But that’s okay cause the rest of my life will be an adventure to end all adventures.
The most beautiful yet frustrating thing about my writing process is
that the idea comes to me in the form of a movie trailer. Flashes of
scenes that tie together the plot. You see the laughter, the tears,
loss, and love. The characters become so real and this imaginary trailer
draws you in. This clip plays over and over in my head and it even
feels as though you can hear an obscure indie band playing in the
background just like any independent movie trailer. The only problem is
that you can’t see the whole story. All you see is the highlights and of
course it’s only the good parts. I try to write around these good parts
and nothing seems to fit. Sometimes you’ll see the teaser trailer that
will give you more insight into the lives of these characters, but still
not enough to give a story life. I’m constantly trying to bring life to
something that comes in 2 minute clips and it never plays out as
planned. I wish my mind would illegally download the rest so that I can
show the world what I can do,
My New Weekly Regimen
I just wanted to share with you guys my new weekly regimen for my hair. Since I've been natural I'll admit I haven't had any type of consistent regimen. I'm guilty of trying a ton of products and not giving them enough time to see if they benefit my hair or not. I'm going to stick with this regimen for a least 2 months to see how this does before I move onto the next.
I wash or cleanse my hair every 7 days. I only shampoo twice a month and co-wash twice a month. After whichever I do I part my hair on whichever side I desire (usually the right) so that I can flat twist my hair... or at least my version of flat twists that works for me. I'll take the right section o my hair and use a spray bottle full of water and just spray a little on the section then I use my olive oil.
Now I know a lot of people use extra virgin olive oil and once this runs out that's what I'll buy, but hey this was cheap and it gets the job done. It gives my hair a shine and locks in the moisture of the water. The only thing I do not like so much about this olive oil is the smell. The best I can describe it is that is smells like my grandma. I know that's weird, but if you've had that grandma that had the plastic on her furniture, knick-knack figurines, and fake plants all over the place then you know the smell I'm talking about lol.
Well I do all this by sections. I'll wet and oil the right side then twist, then I'll move to the left side and do the same. Since I'm doing the castor oil challenge right after I do the front I put the castor oil on my edges. Now when I do the back of my hair I'll split it into two sections, a top half and a bottom half. I'll pin up the top half then I'll do as the front and wet, oil, then twist and do the same for the top half. When I'm done it comes out like this.
I wash or cleanse my hair every 7 days. I only shampoo twice a month and co-wash twice a month. After whichever I do I part my hair on whichever side I desire (usually the right) so that I can flat twist my hair... or at least my version of flat twists that works for me. I'll take the right section o my hair and use a spray bottle full of water and just spray a little on the section then I use my olive oil.
Well I do all this by sections. I'll wet and oil the right side then twist, then I'll move to the left side and do the same. Since I'm doing the castor oil challenge right after I do the front I put the castor oil on my edges. Now when I do the back of my hair I'll split it into two sections, a top half and a bottom half. I'll pin up the top half then I'll do as the front and wet, oil, then twist and do the same for the top half. When I'm done it comes out like this.
Most of the times I'll keep my twists in until the day before my next wash and wear a wig or scarf if I'm going out. If I do that once a day I'll spray a little water on my head and then use a small amount of olive oil and lightly pat that on. I only use the castor oil every other day and I only place that on my edges and crown. On the rare occasions where I want to take my twists down I at least make sure they've been in for about two days beforehand. For some reason, even though my hair is 4c, it doesn't seem to hold the curl pattern I want if I take the twists out the very next day.
Well, that is my weekly regimen that I'm holding on to for the next few months. So far so good. My hair has never felt this soft so this may be a regimen I'll hold onto for good and just sneak in a few products here and there or possibly switch out the olive oil for coconut oil. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to send them my way.
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