Birthday Woes

         My birthday is less than three weeks away and I’m pretty excited. With that excitement I’m reminded that almost every birthday in my adult life has been horrible. The last birthday I can genuinely say that I had a good time was when I was 11. That was almost 21 years ago.
         Most of my birthdays are full of me hoping for something big only to have only one or two people show their faces. For my 21st birthday I was very excited. Who isn’t for their 21st? Well I ended up getting sick a few days before. On top of that my friends at the time were either under 21 or bailed on me. I ended up going out with a coworker to a gay club. She was nice, but it’s not what I had pictured my 21st would be like. My first birthday when I lived in Chicago was my 27th. It was another where few people (coworkers) showed up, but I’ll admit that at least the people that matter showed up and it was great. Well it was great until a girl I considered a good friend decided to make out with a guy I liked right in front of me. I got to relive that experience for days since it spread around where we worked.. and yet somehow I ended up the bad guy in that story because I was upset. Oh well. I think they’re still together. They get to use my birthday as an anniversary date. Good for them. On my 28th my best friend drove up from Ohio to Chicago to spend my day with me. That weekend was chaos. My power had been shut off so my mind was all over the place and the people I invited to celebrate with me and meet my new friend never showed up. I felt bad because I felt like I didn’t get a chance to show her the city and make it fun. I don’t talk to her anymore so part of me is okay that the weekend didn’t turn out flawless. A few months before my 29th I reconnected with an old crush/best friend. I decided instead of spending my birthday, most likely alone, in Chicago I’d go home to Ohio. I got to see him and the sparks flew all over again like they had years before. Long story short, we started dating and not long after I found out through FB that he was with someone else. Last year was my first birthday back home in Ohio. I was already depressed that I had to come back to this hell hole, but I was really hoping the friends that I hadn’t seen for years would pull me out of that slump. One best friend I didn’t even hear from and the other one bailed. I spent that birthday alone in my bedroom. Here it is almost a year later and I have still yet to see either of them.
          Even though my birthday usually ends with me frowning somehow I end up feeling like my birthday is the best day of the year. I’m not sure if it has to do with that I take pride in being a Libra or maybe the fact that John Lennon and I share the same birthday (even down to the hour). There’s something about sharing a birthday with your idol. Knowing that keeps a smile on my face even through all the bullshit I deal with and put up with. This year I’m hoping things will be a lot different. Something amazing is supposedly happening on my actual birthday. If it does (and it will because I believe in it) it will change my life forever. I don’t want to say what it is because I don’t want to jinx it, but when it happens I know I am the type of person who will share and will be more than ready to change someone else’s life as well, especially some of you guys on here. You’ve changed me more than some of you will ever know. A part of me will always want to share it with “friends” and have a good time, but this change will be bigger than that and I want to take this change head on and not hold onto people from the past that I’m always hoping will care. 32 will be the year that I grow more than I did the year before. I’m still learning about life, love, and relationships. It’s hard to try and learn this lesson on your own, but I can and will manage. It makes me stronger. Even though this great thing will most likely happen this year I’ll probably still be spending this one alone with cake, Netflix and The Beatles. But that’s okay cause the rest of my life will be an adventure to end all adventures.

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