"Abandoned Places", 2018(c)
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson
The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: If The Crystal Ball Says So
This past week my boyfriend and I went on our first, semi-big,
vacation together to Chicago. It was for a concert and he was amazing
enough to go adventuring with me even though his thoughts are kinda
“meh” on the band. He knows my love for them therefore he humors me.
Since I used to live in Chicago I’ll admit I was probably more excited to show him some of my old hangouts and doing things there that I always wanted to do, but never got a chance to. While walking downtown on our last day I came across a sign about tarot reading. Sometimes I can’t resist a tarot or palm reading so we decided to head up. Now I will say there’s always a level of skepticism when it comes to psychics, but a huge part of me wants to believe that there’s people who have the gift.
This woman gave me a palm reading. She gave me the same story I’ve heard a few times before. I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life, I’m unhappy, etc., etc. She told me something that I haven’t heard before, which was that my life was supposed to be on a completely different path than what I’m on. I should’ve been married with 2-3 kids, I was to inherit some money that never happened, but for some reason there’s a wall. Whether this is a wall I, myself, have built or a wall that just keeps knocking me on my ass out of nowhere, I don’t know. One thing for sure is my personality she had down to a T. She mentioned me being two different people. On once side I am a wide eyed girl, ready for adventure, plans made on how carefree and creative my life should be. That part of me has so much innocence and hope. Then there’s the side of me who feels so trapped, angry, bitter, and so close to giving up. Neither of these parts of myself outshines the other. I am simultaneous both of these people. She mentioned that the work I do is not for me nor will it ever be. She noted that I try too hard with no results. She’s right. She’s absolutely right. Fake or not I took it upon myself to embrace this advice. I do entirely too much for my job. I get no bonuses, I clean up a shitload of other’s slack, I close several nights a week while my manager does none even though it’s mandatory managers close at least twice a week, I’m being bullied into training for a position I’ve never wanted which also makes me have to work in direct contact with a coworker that causes nothing but drama for everyone. Any concern I bring up ultimately gets swept under the rug. I make endless amounts of decisions and what for? I’m not getting any raises, I’m not getting any back up. So why am I working so hard for a company that can’t work for me? I’m not a manager so why am I taking on that responsibility when my paycheck doesn’t reflect it? That woman nailed it on the head. I need to become that wide eyed innocent girl. Being that girl would be beneficial to my mental health and my inner peace.
My boyfriend also had his done. She spoke about him being a hard worker and that it would pay off, and how he’s been unlucky in love in the past, but will settle with his soul mate soon. Whether or not that person is me, I’m not sure. I hope that it is and we can continue to build what we’ve started, but by some strange happening if it’s not me I just want him to be happy. Even though we didn’t have a big discussion afterwards I’ve never felt closer to him than that day. That innocent girl in me wants nothing more than to be happy and share my life and adventures with this man and bring excitement into his life while he brings clarity to mine. I think we have what it takes to make it there. I support him and he supports me. It’s the waiting and the guessing of how life will turn out that gives me anxiety, but sooner or later I’m going to have to learn how to truly say “Fuck it,” and follow my heart. As long as I have my partner in crime I’ll be okay. I don’t need someone who can see the future to tell me that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©
Since I used to live in Chicago I’ll admit I was probably more excited to show him some of my old hangouts and doing things there that I always wanted to do, but never got a chance to. While walking downtown on our last day I came across a sign about tarot reading. Sometimes I can’t resist a tarot or palm reading so we decided to head up. Now I will say there’s always a level of skepticism when it comes to psychics, but a huge part of me wants to believe that there’s people who have the gift.
This woman gave me a palm reading. She gave me the same story I’ve heard a few times before. I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life, I’m unhappy, etc., etc. She told me something that I haven’t heard before, which was that my life was supposed to be on a completely different path than what I’m on. I should’ve been married with 2-3 kids, I was to inherit some money that never happened, but for some reason there’s a wall. Whether this is a wall I, myself, have built or a wall that just keeps knocking me on my ass out of nowhere, I don’t know. One thing for sure is my personality she had down to a T. She mentioned me being two different people. On once side I am a wide eyed girl, ready for adventure, plans made on how carefree and creative my life should be. That part of me has so much innocence and hope. Then there’s the side of me who feels so trapped, angry, bitter, and so close to giving up. Neither of these parts of myself outshines the other. I am simultaneous both of these people. She mentioned that the work I do is not for me nor will it ever be. She noted that I try too hard with no results. She’s right. She’s absolutely right. Fake or not I took it upon myself to embrace this advice. I do entirely too much for my job. I get no bonuses, I clean up a shitload of other’s slack, I close several nights a week while my manager does none even though it’s mandatory managers close at least twice a week, I’m being bullied into training for a position I’ve never wanted which also makes me have to work in direct contact with a coworker that causes nothing but drama for everyone. Any concern I bring up ultimately gets swept under the rug. I make endless amounts of decisions and what for? I’m not getting any raises, I’m not getting any back up. So why am I working so hard for a company that can’t work for me? I’m not a manager so why am I taking on that responsibility when my paycheck doesn’t reflect it? That woman nailed it on the head. I need to become that wide eyed innocent girl. Being that girl would be beneficial to my mental health and my inner peace.
My boyfriend also had his done. She spoke about him being a hard worker and that it would pay off, and how he’s been unlucky in love in the past, but will settle with his soul mate soon. Whether or not that person is me, I’m not sure. I hope that it is and we can continue to build what we’ve started, but by some strange happening if it’s not me I just want him to be happy. Even though we didn’t have a big discussion afterwards I’ve never felt closer to him than that day. That innocent girl in me wants nothing more than to be happy and share my life and adventures with this man and bring excitement into his life while he brings clarity to mine. I think we have what it takes to make it there. I support him and he supports me. It’s the waiting and the guessing of how life will turn out that gives me anxiety, but sooner or later I’m going to have to learn how to truly say “Fuck it,” and follow my heart. As long as I have my partner in crime I’ll be okay. I don’t need someone who can see the future to tell me that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©
My First Book Outline
Hi, everyone!
I'm currently taking a novel writing class, and it's finally getting my ass in gear to write one of the few books I've been tinkering with for ages now. We recently had an assignment to make an outline for our book (we have to complete three chapters by the end of the semester) and also a character outline. Well, when the teacher gave me back these he made the comments that there's not enough conflict or strong connection, but that I have a lot of material to work with. So I thought I'd post my book outline here, because, after all, once it's completed you guys will be my audience. The book I'm writing is more of a simple drama, something that people can relate to. I'm not trying to write something epic like the Lord of the Rings or a suspense novel. I'm trying to write something that a teenager, a mom, a 20 something, just anyone can pick up and see a little bit of themselves in it.
I'll give you a small background on it before I post it which will go more in depth. It is a multiple story line novel. It has to deal with different women/girls and their relationships with their mothers. Characters weave in and out of all the different chapters (each chapter will deal with each character individually in the beginning until all five are introduced) because they're all connected in one way or another. Just let me know what you think of the content. Does it grab attention? Do you think the subject matter is enough to grab attention? What do you think of the angle I'm taking by making it multiple story line? Any advice you have I'd be happy to hear. Thank you!! (Also I have chapter one done if you're interested in taking a peek.)
I'm currently taking a novel writing class, and it's finally getting my ass in gear to write one of the few books I've been tinkering with for ages now. We recently had an assignment to make an outline for our book (we have to complete three chapters by the end of the semester) and also a character outline. Well, when the teacher gave me back these he made the comments that there's not enough conflict or strong connection, but that I have a lot of material to work with. So I thought I'd post my book outline here, because, after all, once it's completed you guys will be my audience. The book I'm writing is more of a simple drama, something that people can relate to. I'm not trying to write something epic like the Lord of the Rings or a suspense novel. I'm trying to write something that a teenager, a mom, a 20 something, just anyone can pick up and see a little bit of themselves in it.
I'll give you a small background on it before I post it which will go more in depth. It is a multiple story line novel. It has to deal with different women/girls and their relationships with their mothers. Characters weave in and out of all the different chapters (each chapter will deal with each character individually in the beginning until all five are introduced) because they're all connected in one way or another. Just let me know what you think of the content. Does it grab attention? Do you think the subject matter is enough to grab attention? What do you think of the angle I'm taking by making it multiple story line? Any advice you have I'd be happy to hear. Thank you!! (Also I have chapter one done if you're interested in taking a peek.)
Goals
“We have reached the status of relationship goals.
The kind where we can have sex and eat pizza all day.
Just each other’s company is all we need.
The kind of goals where we text “I miss you” moments after a goodbye.
Where we can cuddle and be vulnerable.
We understand our silences as much as our words.
The kind where we can cry one minute and laugh the next.
Knowing our limits and our quirks.
A relationship where honesty rules all.
And support for each other is what matters most.
Lifting each other up so that we’re better than yesterday.
A partnership where you bare your heart and I bare mine.
The nakedness of our love.
The kind of relationship where we are a unit.
No you and I, but we.
They don’t make them like this anymore.
Just two unique beings on this journey of togetherness.
Our love is rare love.
Because of you I am lucky.
A cliché of sorts, but truth overall.
I can see you making me the luckiest girl in the world for the rest of our lives.
I say “our” because I imagine carbon copies of us in the future.
You make me believe in this.
This was a goal I never knew I wanted.
Then you came along to bring this all to life.
I can’t imagine an even better goal than just to have you near me.
No matter what that’s the only goal I need.”
-Asia Aneka Anderson, Goals 2018©
The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: What I Ask Of This New Year
Even though we’re already more than a few weeks into the year
it is never too late to ask the universe what good things to bring into
your life and what negative things you don’t want to follow you from the
year prior.
This new year I want to bring new and exciting journeys. This doesn’t have to mean travel, although that is part of my plan. To me it also means new paths in life that were once closed off before, but the brush is now starting to clear. This year I have returned to school after almost a decade. It’s been sort of rocky because I’ve been out of practice for so long, but I’m more excited beyond words. If there’s anything in my life that I truly love(d) doing it was learning. I changed my major from Journalism/Communications to Creative Writing and I have found my calling. I love my classes and I love being back in a classroom. This is my journey that will open up the door to more journeys in the near future and so on.
I still have this amazing man in my life. That is another learning opportunity. Learning to love someone. Also learning to love myself the way that he loves me while also learning to see myself as he sees me. Most of the time he wants whats better for me than I do for myself. I need to follow that journey to loving myself, but it is a rough road, even though it may not be as rough as it may seem in my eyes. He has a great teenage daughter. Another journey, I thought I’d never see myself taking, is being a positive influence. To show her the loving relationship I have with her dad. She’s very much a daddy’s girl as I was and if he’s happy, she’s happy. Same as I was with my dad.
Speaking of this man in my life, let’s talk about actual physical journeys. For several years I traveled alone. I had no problem with that and also met a lot of great people on the way. This time around I get to share that with someone. That’s an added bonus. We get to do things that we both love to do, share in some great experiences, and make lots of memories together.
This is the year of big steps. Right after the new year I met with my therapist and I read her my bucket list and she suggested that I tackle a few this year. And why not? I hope to find a home with my love and his daughter. That’s a huge step in my book. I’ve always wanted to do some type of acting. As a matter of fact, with the stories that I’m writing I’d love to turn them into scripts and possibly play the main characters that I pour my heart into. I hope to take a chance and try some local theater to see how it goes. I may not be as bad as I think. As of right now I’m taking a novel writing class and there is no better way to get a gigantic kick in the ass than getting told that to have to write 30-60 pages (three chapters) of a novel. With this push I am hoping to get my novel completely done by the end of the year. This is definitely the push that I needed.
I want freedom. That is something that is so important to me and something I haven’t felt since I left Chicago. Even though the struggle, while living there, I still felt this unbelievable freedom. I want to feel that again. I want to feel like I am living life on my own terms without asking permission of anyone. Life with no boundaries. Freedom is what I want from 2018 and every year after.
I want this to be the year that I shed the skin of past years. I am a sponge. I absorb a lot of pain; my own, my loved ones, my friends, my coworkers, etc. I have always been that person. I feel so heavy. So full of pain, hate, and stress. It’s time that I wring myself out and become new. It’s time to let the negativity slide off of me instead of cutting deep and sticking to me like glue. I will never be a bubbly person because that is not who I am at my core, but the agitated person that I am now is not me either. I am snarky and sarcastic, but I am not bitter and hateful. This is, sadly, what I have become as a way to maneuver in my environment. I will not be stressed by the small things. I will except things for what they are and not beat myself over the head for things I cannot change. This is easier said than done, but it’s about time I stop punishing myself. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair for the people who try to love me and I make it difficult.
All I want from this year is growth. Not only for me, but for everyone. Learn something new. Risk it all sometimes because it might be worth it. Don’t beat yourself up if it wasn’t. Take plenty of chances. Don’t overthink. Do something different. Break from a routine. Say “yes” more than “no”. Make lots and lots of memories. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t stick around for someone’s abuse or negativity no matter how much you may love them. Some you have to love from afar, and that’s completely okay. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for loving yourself enough to say “no more”. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than. Love you enough that you don’t care what they think. Don’t shame each other. We all bring something unique to the table so don’t bring down someone because their unique is different from yours. More love and less hate is universal. That is and should always be the motto.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©
This new year I want to bring new and exciting journeys. This doesn’t have to mean travel, although that is part of my plan. To me it also means new paths in life that were once closed off before, but the brush is now starting to clear. This year I have returned to school after almost a decade. It’s been sort of rocky because I’ve been out of practice for so long, but I’m more excited beyond words. If there’s anything in my life that I truly love(d) doing it was learning. I changed my major from Journalism/Communications to Creative Writing and I have found my calling. I love my classes and I love being back in a classroom. This is my journey that will open up the door to more journeys in the near future and so on.
I still have this amazing man in my life. That is another learning opportunity. Learning to love someone. Also learning to love myself the way that he loves me while also learning to see myself as he sees me. Most of the time he wants whats better for me than I do for myself. I need to follow that journey to loving myself, but it is a rough road, even though it may not be as rough as it may seem in my eyes. He has a great teenage daughter. Another journey, I thought I’d never see myself taking, is being a positive influence. To show her the loving relationship I have with her dad. She’s very much a daddy’s girl as I was and if he’s happy, she’s happy. Same as I was with my dad.
Speaking of this man in my life, let’s talk about actual physical journeys. For several years I traveled alone. I had no problem with that and also met a lot of great people on the way. This time around I get to share that with someone. That’s an added bonus. We get to do things that we both love to do, share in some great experiences, and make lots of memories together.
This is the year of big steps. Right after the new year I met with my therapist and I read her my bucket list and she suggested that I tackle a few this year. And why not? I hope to find a home with my love and his daughter. That’s a huge step in my book. I’ve always wanted to do some type of acting. As a matter of fact, with the stories that I’m writing I’d love to turn them into scripts and possibly play the main characters that I pour my heart into. I hope to take a chance and try some local theater to see how it goes. I may not be as bad as I think. As of right now I’m taking a novel writing class and there is no better way to get a gigantic kick in the ass than getting told that to have to write 30-60 pages (three chapters) of a novel. With this push I am hoping to get my novel completely done by the end of the year. This is definitely the push that I needed.
I want freedom. That is something that is so important to me and something I haven’t felt since I left Chicago. Even though the struggle, while living there, I still felt this unbelievable freedom. I want to feel that again. I want to feel like I am living life on my own terms without asking permission of anyone. Life with no boundaries. Freedom is what I want from 2018 and every year after.
I want this to be the year that I shed the skin of past years. I am a sponge. I absorb a lot of pain; my own, my loved ones, my friends, my coworkers, etc. I have always been that person. I feel so heavy. So full of pain, hate, and stress. It’s time that I wring myself out and become new. It’s time to let the negativity slide off of me instead of cutting deep and sticking to me like glue. I will never be a bubbly person because that is not who I am at my core, but the agitated person that I am now is not me either. I am snarky and sarcastic, but I am not bitter and hateful. This is, sadly, what I have become as a way to maneuver in my environment. I will not be stressed by the small things. I will except things for what they are and not beat myself over the head for things I cannot change. This is easier said than done, but it’s about time I stop punishing myself. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair for the people who try to love me and I make it difficult.
All I want from this year is growth. Not only for me, but for everyone. Learn something new. Risk it all sometimes because it might be worth it. Don’t beat yourself up if it wasn’t. Take plenty of chances. Don’t overthink. Do something different. Break from a routine. Say “yes” more than “no”. Make lots and lots of memories. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t stick around for someone’s abuse or negativity no matter how much you may love them. Some you have to love from afar, and that’s completely okay. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for loving yourself enough to say “no more”. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than. Love you enough that you don’t care what they think. Don’t shame each other. We all bring something unique to the table so don’t bring down someone because their unique is different from yours. More love and less hate is universal. That is and should always be the motto.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018©
The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Farewell 2017
Well well well, 2017. You really outdid yourself. The last few years
of my life seemed to be a downward spiral of tragedy, heartbreak, death,
loss, and well little good seemed to come from 2012-2016. It took 2017
to show me that there is a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
When we started I just wanted 2016 to end. We’d lost so many icons and I lost my own personal hero, my father. 2016 was probably the toughest of my life. 2017 brought me a few adventures. I was able to attend of few comic cons. Traveled to Cleveland with my best friend, (the first road trip we’ve had in years) so that I could meet Anthony Mackie. Over the course of the year I’ve met David Tennant, Billy Boyd, and John Barrowman. I got to visit my second home, Chicago, twice this year. One of those times to see my favorite band, U2. Seeing the Joshua Tree Tour was such an amazing moment that I will cherish. 2017 gave that to me. I got a tattoo to honor my father and had my mother there with me to experience it. It was emotional, but at the same time, beautiful. Late July my best friend had a baby boy. I was and am so happy for her. I get to see her become the most amazing mom that I knew she would always be. I also get some practice just in case this bitter old lady decides she wants to have some of her own. I will admit that, even though I’ve spent my whole life saying I’d never have children, I’m leaning more the opposite direction.The reason for that is what has made my whole year. I (re)met an old friend from high school and, to my surprise, fell in love with him. I’ve dealt with so many losers in my life I didn’t even know what it was like to be with an understanding, caring, decent man. Now that I have him I never plan to let him go. He is the biggest gift 2017 has ever given me.
I can’t wait to see what 2018 has to offer. I will be starting the year by returning to school. My year will start off in a positive direction. I hope 2018 will bring more happiness to my relationship, my life, my career, my family, and my friends. Finally, just finally I feel like things are starting to look up.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
-Asia Aneka Anderson 2017©
When we started I just wanted 2016 to end. We’d lost so many icons and I lost my own personal hero, my father. 2016 was probably the toughest of my life. 2017 brought me a few adventures. I was able to attend of few comic cons. Traveled to Cleveland with my best friend, (the first road trip we’ve had in years) so that I could meet Anthony Mackie. Over the course of the year I’ve met David Tennant, Billy Boyd, and John Barrowman. I got to visit my second home, Chicago, twice this year. One of those times to see my favorite band, U2. Seeing the Joshua Tree Tour was such an amazing moment that I will cherish. 2017 gave that to me. I got a tattoo to honor my father and had my mother there with me to experience it. It was emotional, but at the same time, beautiful. Late July my best friend had a baby boy. I was and am so happy for her. I get to see her become the most amazing mom that I knew she would always be. I also get some practice just in case this bitter old lady decides she wants to have some of her own. I will admit that, even though I’ve spent my whole life saying I’d never have children, I’m leaning more the opposite direction.The reason for that is what has made my whole year. I (re)met an old friend from high school and, to my surprise, fell in love with him. I’ve dealt with so many losers in my life I didn’t even know what it was like to be with an understanding, caring, decent man. Now that I have him I never plan to let him go. He is the biggest gift 2017 has ever given me.
I can’t wait to see what 2018 has to offer. I will be starting the year by returning to school. My year will start off in a positive direction. I hope 2018 will bring more happiness to my relationship, my life, my career, my family, and my friends. Finally, just finally I feel like things are starting to look up.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
-Asia Aneka Anderson 2017©
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