Where You Begin And I End

I want to know all about you
Let’s have deep conversation at midnight under the stars
What makes you tick?
What makes you happy?
What turns you on?
What do you dream?
What are your failures?
I want to know everything
To be close to you
To be the one who understands you
To know how you think
That’s all I want
I want you to know me
My darkest secrets
My passion
My quirks
Us as best friends and lovers
Completing each others sentences
Knowing what the other is thinking with just one glance
No judgment towards each other
Just love
Just understanding
Just happiness
That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites 

What Is A Friendship?

My family as close as blood.
To be there for the smiles and the tears.
Friendships I have created only stay for the smiles.
When the tears start to fall you all vanish.
I’m left alone.
I deal.
I cope.
I move on.
I reopen doors.
Repeat.
This cycle has made me angry.
I become distant and cold.
I’ve been through a lot only to walk hand in hand with myself.
You resurface when the struggle is gone.
I foolishly allow it.
Wanting human interaction so bad I ignore what’s good for me.
I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve become strong.
My journeys alone build me.
This will change.
No more resurfacing in my life.
I’d rather walk this life alone than be consistently let down.
In the end I know that at least I’ll always be there for me.


-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

I don’t understand why some people around me get offended by the things I write about. I only write what I know, what I dream, and what I feel. If I can’t talk about any of those things then I wouldn’t be writing something that was real to me. Any story that I write from fiction has a background of reality. Each character I relate to. It’s either a person I was, am, or wish I could be. I use my experiences to say things that weigh heavy on me in hopes that someone can relate. It doesn’t mean that an event in my life makes me angry, sad, happy or any other emotion. It’s just something that happened. Everything that has happened and will happen in my life I use as a learning experience. Anything that has happened whether it be good or bad has molded the person I am today. In no way shape or form am I the person I want to be but all the things and people that I will come across will continue to shape me. I have blogged in the past about various things that have happened in my life. I’ve talked about my drug addicted father, friends abandoning me in my time of need, insecurities that have plagued me from my childhood, my loneliness and everything in between. If anyone in my life comes across these things I get told that I “hold grudges”, or “focus on the negative”. I get every response except “I understand where you’re coming from.” I never say these things to guilt trip people or make myself out to be the victim. I say these things to try to explain my reactions to people and what makes me who I am now and in some way to put it into writing so that I, myself, can get understanding of why I do the things I do. I know that from my past I’ve had friends steal crushes or boyfriends from me, not wanting to be there for me when I needed someone to talk to, make lame excuses for not inviting me to things, etc. It hurts at the time, yes, but if I reflect back on it in my writing It’s not me holding a grudge, it’s me telling an experience on how to make people earn my trust. I’ve grown up with family who would make fun of the way I dressed, the music I listened to, my weight or overall physical appearance. That’s something that has stuck with me. I take it as it is. In this point in my life if I feel a certain way about myself I can’t blame that on anyone else all these years later. All I can say is that’s where it started. As far as my dad is concerned I know that if I ever have children to never let my baggage come before them and show them that they are more important than any substance, and as far as the negative side of the situation with my father is that it will always make me weary of any man that may come into my life. It’s the main reason I don’t drink or take any prescription if I need to. That’s how I reacted to that. All of these things I have learned a lesson from. It may not be same lesson for everyone else that has dealt with these things, but that’s what I take from these experiences. Most of these people who take offense also confuse me by stating as to how they “wouldn’t react that way.” That’s the amazingness of individuality. I turn my angst or hurt into writing. Some people may go eat ice cream, go boxing, or binge watch “Toddlers & Tiaras” on Netflix. It always puzzles me when someone says that or telling me to just “get over it.” Things like that only hurts more and is a good way to keep a wound open. I have people from my past that have hurt me who, even though maybe not apologizing, have recognized how their actions may have hurt me and treated me with kindness. It’s always the ones who, even if they don’t apologize, don’t even try to understand why I feel the way I do, (even if I explain it until I’m blue in the face) who want to pretend like nothing happened and think we can just be the best of friends. No. I can’t play that game anymore. I know most people around me don’t understand that I’ve had this void in me for as long as I can remember, but I don’t think it’s fair to tell me how to deal with something. I’ve come this far in my life without any self mutilation or anything else to damage my body, no matter how much I’ve wanted to. So just because my scars don’t show on the outside doesn’t mean they’re not there. And don’t tell me I’m overreacting just because something that may be small to you is devastating for me. We’re not all the same, but we should all be treated with respect.
-Asia Aneka Anderson

It’s a little upsetting that in the year and a half that I’ve been in Ohio I’ve managed to hang out with a friend, who now lives in Philly, more than I have with “friends” who still live in Ohio. I know that I have to rethink my circle of friends, but it’s hard when you’ve felt like certain people played a major part in your life. I have continued to make room for people who I’m not sure wanted me around in the first place. When things are fun or everybody’s single, these people want to be my friends, but when real life happens I’m stuck dealing with it on my own and no one to talk too. I think I still call these people friends because I dive into my imagination and picture and bond that can’t be broken with them, but alas my imagination is quite cruel. It could be easy to say that I should voice my concerns, but quite honestly at 31 I don’t feel it’s necessary to have the “friendship talk”. Even by the age of 5 you should know how to be a good friend. In your late 20s it sounds ridiculous to me that I have to “bug” people when I’m in need of a shoulder to lean on. A true friend would recognize when a friend is hurting just the same as one would if you’re happy. Another reason I don’t speak out on it is because what I want to say sounds better in writing but even then things can get taken out of context. Again, I just don’t feel like trying and it’s probably best I move on. I have to tell myself that just because I’ve picked more than a few rotten eggs when it comes to friends, that I can’t put a guard up and prevent good people from getting in. My friend from Philly, has made me feel like there’s actually people out there that care about me. She may not know all that’s been going on with me, but her faith and encouragement has helped me a lot these past few months. She believes in my writing, which makes me believe in it again too. And sometimes I may feel upset when plans are broken between us, but I know that anger is not towards her, it’s towards the others who, over the years, have done nothing but break plans and leave me in the dark. So whether I want to or not, I have got to stop letting people enter my life and not take part in it and stupidly call them my “best friends”. Best friends don’t tell you they care, but never show it or repeatedly kick you when you’re down then play victim. I’m no saint, but I’d like to think I’m a little more loyal when it comes to my friends and family. I now have to step back and look at the situation before walking away entirely. I’m sorry that I may have been a little needy lately, and I’m more sorry that when I was needy all I had was me and that may be why I’m still broken in pieces. Sometimes it helps to have someone willing to help you put back the pieces.
-Asia Aneka Anderson

A Tale of Friendship

I tried to be the voice of encouragement
My shoulder was vacant for your tears
I was always there
When tables turn I’m left standing alone
Left to feel inadequate
Left to feel unloved
My friendship is loyal yet always one sided
Pouring my heart out to an infinite abyss
I catch when you fall but I have nothing but skinned knees
You look at me like I’m the enemy
But to that I’d have to disagree
You say I focus on the negative
I say that’s bullshit
If it wasn’t for people like you my thoughts wouldn’t be filled with torment
Some call me overprotective
To that I see no big deal
I treat you as I’d like you to treat me
It would be nice to know how that feels
Friendship can sting when surrounded by wolves in sheep’s clothing
Faces I used to know fade from heart and memory
Good times were had and there were quite a few
It’s when times got rough when you would disappear from view
I try to forget but it’s foolish to stay
I know you hate to see me go
Yet you have never given me a reason to remain


-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites