January 4, 2016

"I don't like my present age very much. I'm 33 and nowhere close to where I'd like to be in life. I figured I'd be done with school, have a degree, still living on my own, in a career I love, and making decent money. None of that has happened. I feel like a failure. I shouldn't be in my 30's and struggling like I am. I'd like to be about 23 or 24 and do it all over again. Not sure if I would do everything different or not. I'd like to think I would, but I don't know. I just feel like I wouldn't feel like such a failure if I was still in my 20's."

January 1, 2016

 "A dream of mine is to do many things. I want to finally finish my story(ies), publish it (them), and have it (them) become successful. I know I have no say in the outcome of that last bit, but if I'm successful in the beginning steps then hopefully reaching some sort of recognition and success is all the more possible. These, after all, are my main career goals. I have many still. I want to create an art gallery/ youth center in Dayton. I want to breathe a little life back into my city. We need comedy festivals, music festivals, and movie festivals. I want to bring Chicago to Dayton. I want to find love. I want to truly be loved. That is a dream of mine. I want to make movies. I want to create something that impacts people. I want to create something that will last forever and make people think. I guess, overall, my dream is to create."

I feel like there’s a change coming in my love life (at least I hope). I met this guy about two months ago on a dating site and we instantly hit it off. The only downside is that we’re not in the same state. I haven’t had anyone make me this happy in a while. He sends me ‘good morning’ texts and checks up on me to see how my day is and recently he’s been telling me a lot that he wishes I could be there to cuddle with and that he thinks about me all the time. That takes me by surprise because in all the years I’ve been dating I never heard those things from boyfriends let alone someone I just met. I know it’s strictly an internet and phone thing for right now therefore I’m not going to be the type to fall for every word, but it is incredibly nice to hear all these things. I won’t know for sure, until I meet him, if everything he says is coming from his heart or just something he thinks I want to hear, but I’m hoping for the best. After all I’ve been through I deserve a good man and I’m at a point in my life where I feel I’m capable to receive and give that type of love. I wasn’t that type of person before, but I’m older and wiser now. I told him that I believe we’ll get a real chance to give this a go since he lives in a city where I was and desperately want to get back to. I lived in Chicago for over 4 years and was alone the whole time. It would be nice to move back soon and finally get to explore the city hand in hand with someone else and make a real home there. I just have to be patient and keep telling myself that if it is truly meant to be then the universe will make a way for it to be so. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

Ignore me while I still try to find my writing mojo and bore you with random journal entries from my boring life. Gotta start over from somewhere, right? Right.