I just wanted to show you guys an update on my hair growth. I made a few posts in the past about the castor oil challenge. This challenge started in September and ends this week.
.JPG)
Hair Growth Update
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to show you guys an update on my hair growth. I made a few posts in the past about the castor oil challenge. This challenge started in September and ends this week.
As you can see my hair has grown a bit. Not a whole lot, but I can definitely see a difference. For some reason it's growing faster in the back than anywhere else. The kind of castor oil I've using is the Jamaican black. I use it everyday around my edges, hairline, and the nape of my neck (pretty much the whole circumference of me head) and on the crow of my head. This is the result of that. There is another castor oil challenge coming up and you have until December 7th to register and will run until March 1st. You should really join and if not you should at least pop by the website because this girl posts amazing tips for natural hair. I'll try to post more updates as far as my natural hair journey. I still have a few reviews to do that hopefully I can get up in the next few weeks. I bought a new coconut oil and I want to use it a few more times before I post anything because I'm still on the fence about if I like it or not. Until next time! :)
I just wanted to show you guys an update on my hair growth. I made a few posts in the past about the castor oil challenge. This challenge started in September and ends this week.
My Country Tis of Thee
I live in a country where my future children will have targets on their backs.
Where from a young age I’ll have to train them to have two different personae and in order to become successful they may have to make the hard choice to abandon who they truly are to adopt the persona that makes people more “comfortable”.
A country where I’ll have to tell them that if they’re around police or in a white neighborhood to not look “suspicious”. I’ll have to remind them to always keep their heads up, be super friendly, and smile, no matter what kind of day you’re having, as to not look threatening.
Where I’ll have to make sure they know the laws and their rights as if they’d written them themselves.
Where if their clothes are a size or two too big they’ll be perceived as “thugs” and “criminals” even if they are straight A or honor roll students.
A country where I will have to thoroughly teach my future children the horror as well as success stories of their ancestors because schools will gloss over it and instead shove lies about Christopher Columbus and the founding fathers down their throats.
A country where no matter how much I tell them “you can.” I’ll have to inform them the rest of the world will them “you can’t.” and that is something they will have to not take to heart.
A country where my future children will have to work twice as hard as anyone else, if not more, to make it.
A country where people will turn their noses up at them purely for the color of their skin before even knowing the content of their character.
Where I’ll have to teach them that no matter how good their grades are, how many degrees they earn, or how many suits they own they will still be followed around in stores because of the color of their skin.
I live in a country where I’ll have to teach my future children that they are not seen as people to some, but more as untamed animals.
A country where if they want to speak out against injustices they will be seen as “threats” and “troublemakers”.
A country where their culture is praised and imitated, but black PEOPLE are not.
A country where brown faces are all that are seen on the nightly news in a horrible light in order to keep fear alive of brown people.
Where if they run into a legal situation they will receive the maximum sentence because of our corrupt justice system when it comes to people of color.
Where if their name is outside of the norm an employer will toss their resume aside.
Where no matter how hard they work at a job they will still not be as appreciated as much as the laziest white man in the office.
A country where if my future children decide to date outside of their race there are certain parts of the country where they will have to always look behind their backs.
A country where if my kids are dark skinned they’ll be told over and over again that they are not as beautiful as a light skinned person. I will have the hard task of telling them that because our people have been brainwashed for so long these negative words will most likely come from their own people.
I live in a country where if my future children were homosexual I’d have to explain to them that there are people who will want to hurt them just for being who they are and spew hateful words out of one side of their mouth while quoting the Bible out of the other.
A country where if my future son or daughter want to marry someone of the same sex in some states they still can’t.
A country where if my future children aren’t straight an employer can terminate them simply because of who they love.
A country where I’ll have to tell my daughter that she will not be paid as much as a man even if she works harder.
Where I’ll have show my daughter how people scoff at the idea of a woman in power.
A country where I will have to tell my future daughter to always be aware of her surroundings, carry a weapon, and don’t dress provocatively because if she is raped the world will look at her to blame instead of her attacker.
I will have to teach my children that this is the land of the free unless you’re a person of color, any sexuality other than straight, or a woman.
But these are things I won’t have to teach my future children because I live in a country that has made me fearful to have children. A place that makes me cringe when I think that in some shape or form parents have to have these conversations with their kids. Parents have to have these conversations because nothing in this country is equal and they have to make their children aware of that at an early age in order to keep them safe. If that isn’t a sad realization I don’t know what is. And if that doesn’t make you scared then I don’t know what will.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Where from a young age I’ll have to train them to have two different personae and in order to become successful they may have to make the hard choice to abandon who they truly are to adopt the persona that makes people more “comfortable”.
A country where I’ll have to tell them that if they’re around police or in a white neighborhood to not look “suspicious”. I’ll have to remind them to always keep their heads up, be super friendly, and smile, no matter what kind of day you’re having, as to not look threatening.
Where I’ll have to make sure they know the laws and their rights as if they’d written them themselves.
Where if their clothes are a size or two too big they’ll be perceived as “thugs” and “criminals” even if they are straight A or honor roll students.
A country where I will have to thoroughly teach my future children the horror as well as success stories of their ancestors because schools will gloss over it and instead shove lies about Christopher Columbus and the founding fathers down their throats.
A country where no matter how much I tell them “you can.” I’ll have to inform them the rest of the world will them “you can’t.” and that is something they will have to not take to heart.
A country where my future children will have to work twice as hard as anyone else, if not more, to make it.
A country where people will turn their noses up at them purely for the color of their skin before even knowing the content of their character.
Where I’ll have to teach them that no matter how good their grades are, how many degrees they earn, or how many suits they own they will still be followed around in stores because of the color of their skin.
I live in a country where I’ll have to teach my future children that they are not seen as people to some, but more as untamed animals.
A country where if they want to speak out against injustices they will be seen as “threats” and “troublemakers”.
A country where their culture is praised and imitated, but black PEOPLE are not.
A country where brown faces are all that are seen on the nightly news in a horrible light in order to keep fear alive of brown people.
Where if they run into a legal situation they will receive the maximum sentence because of our corrupt justice system when it comes to people of color.
Where if their name is outside of the norm an employer will toss their resume aside.
Where no matter how hard they work at a job they will still not be as appreciated as much as the laziest white man in the office.
A country where if my future children decide to date outside of their race there are certain parts of the country where they will have to always look behind their backs.
A country where if my kids are dark skinned they’ll be told over and over again that they are not as beautiful as a light skinned person. I will have the hard task of telling them that because our people have been brainwashed for so long these negative words will most likely come from their own people.
I live in a country where if my future children were homosexual I’d have to explain to them that there are people who will want to hurt them just for being who they are and spew hateful words out of one side of their mouth while quoting the Bible out of the other.
A country where if my future son or daughter want to marry someone of the same sex in some states they still can’t.
A country where if my future children aren’t straight an employer can terminate them simply because of who they love.
A country where I’ll have to tell my daughter that she will not be paid as much as a man even if she works harder.
Where I’ll have show my daughter how people scoff at the idea of a woman in power.
A country where I will have to tell my future daughter to always be aware of her surroundings, carry a weapon, and don’t dress provocatively because if she is raped the world will look at her to blame instead of her attacker.
I will have to teach my children that this is the land of the free unless you’re a person of color, any sexuality other than straight, or a woman.
But these are things I won’t have to teach my future children because I live in a country that has made me fearful to have children. A place that makes me cringe when I think that in some shape or form parents have to have these conversations with their kids. Parents have to have these conversations because nothing in this country is equal and they have to make their children aware of that at an early age in order to keep them safe. If that isn’t a sad realization I don’t know what is. And if that doesn’t make you scared then I don’t know what will.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
What I'm Thankful For
Some years it’s easy to think of what I’m thankful for while some years I wonder “what’s the point?”
I’m thankful that I’m here to see another day even though there are days I wish I didn’t exist.
I’m thankful that I get better each day.
I’m thankful for the strength that keeps me going when I want to give up.
I’m thankful for the small number of people that genuinely care. The ones that I know I can truly count on.
I’m thankful for Tumblr for giving me a place to not be afraid to share my life with total strangers.
I’m thankful for these total strangers who saw my cries for help when those around me didn’t. Thank you for lending me your ears.
Even though I want more and have had more in the past I’m thankful for what I have right now.
I’m thankful for the once in a lifetime experiences I’ve had.
I’m thankful for the laughter through the tough times.
I’m thankful for the ability to feel. For so long I thought that I was dying inside.
I’m thankful for the talent I have with words.
I’m thankful for the successful future I’ll have with these passionate words.
I’m thankful for a better life ahead.
I’m thankful for life, love, family, and friends.
I may not have a lot of it, but I’m thankful for the little bit I’ve got.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
I’m thankful that I’m here to see another day even though there are days I wish I didn’t exist.
I’m thankful that I get better each day.
I’m thankful for the strength that keeps me going when I want to give up.
I’m thankful for the small number of people that genuinely care. The ones that I know I can truly count on.
I’m thankful for Tumblr for giving me a place to not be afraid to share my life with total strangers.
I’m thankful for these total strangers who saw my cries for help when those around me didn’t. Thank you for lending me your ears.
Even though I want more and have had more in the past I’m thankful for what I have right now.
I’m thankful for the once in a lifetime experiences I’ve had.
I’m thankful for the laughter through the tough times.
I’m thankful for the ability to feel. For so long I thought that I was dying inside.
I’m thankful for the talent I have with words.
I’m thankful for the successful future I’ll have with these passionate words.
I’m thankful for a better life ahead.
I’m thankful for life, love, family, and friends.
I may not have a lot of it, but I’m thankful for the little bit I’ve got.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
The Mighty Flower Grows
I hear the beating of the rain against my window.
The skies overcome with grey.
A lightening fear shakes the ground.
When the tears fall from the sky life can begin down below.
What I wouldn’t give to be a flower standing in the rain.
Mighty, powerful, and strong.
Breaking the surface to be free.
Facing the howling wind my roots keeping me grounded and brave.
From this darkness can I grow?
Grow to be mighty?
Grow to tower over my fears?
Or will the darkness of the clouds make me weary?
Sunlight fades away the grey.
Again I am mighty, powerful, and strong.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
The skies overcome with grey.
A lightening fear shakes the ground.
When the tears fall from the sky life can begin down below.
What I wouldn’t give to be a flower standing in the rain.
Mighty, powerful, and strong.
Breaking the surface to be free.
Facing the howling wind my roots keeping me grounded and brave.
From this darkness can I grow?
Grow to be mighty?
Grow to tower over my fears?
Or will the darkness of the clouds make me weary?
Sunlight fades away the grey.
Again I am mighty, powerful, and strong.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites
Tragic Crush Tales #4
If you’ve read any of the lovey dovey type
poems I’ve posted as of late they are all about crush L. The only words I
can use to describe this man is: intelligent, caring, cool, laid back,
artistic, and the perfect match for me, truly.
I met him at my first job in Chicago back in 2009. When I first laid eyes on him I just knew he was someone I was going to click with. The romantic feelings didn’t start off right away. I still had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness because I’m in this big city by myself and hadn’t been there long, I was starting this job where most people had been for a long time, were a tight knit family, and I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know, and when I did start this job I was given a heads up that the store was closing in less than a year. With all of those feelings swirling in my head I had no time to stop and listen to my heart pitter-patter.
I quickly started to fit in and especially when months later a girl from another store came to work at ours. I instantly clicked with her, even though we were total opposites. By this time I had started looking at L in a different way. One day me and the girl were talking and she told me that she had liked L. They had known each other a while so I never said anything about my feelings. All my life I’ve only had one friend not go after a guy I liked and I’ll be damned if I do that to someone else. So from that moment on since L and I had the same interests, sort of the same attitude I started to call him my big brother. When I think about it the first time I called him that he looked kind of crushed. But I had to put that label out there to make my feelings subside so that I don’t make a move on my friends crush.
As months went on L and I got closer. Not in a romantic way, but in a sort of best friend way. I don’t have many people where I feel just opening up my soul too, but he was one of those people. He made me feel completely comfortable from the first conversation we had. There were a few times were after work we’d go walk and talk for what seemed like hours. A few times I’d be on the verge of tears because of whatever we were talking about and he would be the type of person to grab my hand and just listen. I never got any judgmental words from him let alone looks. I’d never gotten that feeling from any of my girlfriends let alone a guy.
One summer night we decided to meet up and go to this reggae club and no one else wanted to go with him. I really liked hanging out with him , but I was kind of nervous to go because he’s a real cool dude and I’m a black chick who can’t dance for shit. When we arrived everything was fine and fun, but he slowly started to get agitated that I wouldn’t dance. I’d try to do the minimal, but it seemed to annoy him that he kept trying to get me out of my shell and I refused to. We only stayed a few hours and I guess he got tired of watching me pretty much just stand around. When we left, I don’t know how it happened, but all of a sudden we were in a screaming match as we walked down the street. I don’t know if he felt like I ruined his good night or if he was upset that I didn’t let loose, but I do know we were literally screaming at each other. It was weird though, once we got on the bus we were mad at first then we kinda looked at each other and that anger was completely gone. Once we got downtown we decided to just keep the night going since the buses that would take us home all the way to the south side had long since stopped running for the night. We bar hopped a bit and then decided to go to the beach. We climbed onto the lifeguard stand and talked for hours until the sun rose. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but it was one of the best nights I had in Chicago. Honestly, I lived there for over 4 years and the only other awesome nights I had was seeing Paul McCartney for the first time, seeing U2 for the first time, and seeing Coldplay, RHCP, and Jack White at Lollapalooza. Still my night with L ranks above most of these events.
The only downside to my night with L is that the sexual tension was high and nothing happened. We did the most romantic thing in the world like watching the sunrise and absolutely nothing happened. I was torn. I didn’t know if his anger from earlier that night was because he liked me and didn’t know how to say it (because that’s definitely where my anger came from) or if he didn’t like me in that way at all. It could’ve been possible that he didn’t think I liked him in that way. Either way it was an opportunity lost.
Another opportunity happened when we went to see “Hot Tub Time Machine” after work one day. Afterwards we went for a walk and talked again for hours. At one point I could feel him lean in, but again nothing happened. I had even looked into his eyes, not backing away, and still nothing. In the back of my mind was always that my friend liked him and the only way I was going to act on anything is if he acted first, but we never got to that point.
By summer of 2010 I had found another job, which the girl who also liked L helped me get, in just enough time before this job closed shop. My new job worked me like a dog, so I barely had time for me let alone trying to keep in contact with other people. L and I would talk here and there and then slowly it turned into the occasional “Hello” or “Happy birthday” on Facebook. As of late he’s really been on my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I want to settle down and build something with someone and when I think of the perfect mate it’s his face that pops up. I’ve tried talking with other men whom I do like, but in the end of the day it comes straight back to him. Just as in “Hot Tub Time Machine” I really believe he was my great white buffalo.
I know most of my Tragic Tales are about asshole exes and crushes in my life who had done me wrong in some way, but this is a different type of tragic. It’s tragic because perhaps we would’ve been great together. Perhaps we would have flourished. He very well may have been the one and I ran from that because I chose friendship over possible happiness. It’s even more tragic because to this day I’m still terrified to tell him how I feel. How do you tell a person you haven’t said much to in 3 years that you can’t stop thinking about them? The shy girl in me posts obscure statuses on Facebook hoping he’ll see and get the hidden meaning and say something. Most likely I know I’ll post this with that same foolish hope. I tell myself that if it’s meant to be it will be, but I know that there is no way he will ever know what is in my heart unless I actually tell him and I know that’s something I don’t have the courage to do. I don’t want to face the rejection of him telling me he’s with someone, or even worse, married, or even worse than that, him telling me he never saw me that way at all. As much as I think about him it’s a risk I should be taking, but it’s a risk I’m just not willing to take yet. Just another opportunity wasted.
I met him at my first job in Chicago back in 2009. When I first laid eyes on him I just knew he was someone I was going to click with. The romantic feelings didn’t start off right away. I still had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness because I’m in this big city by myself and hadn’t been there long, I was starting this job where most people had been for a long time, were a tight knit family, and I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know, and when I did start this job I was given a heads up that the store was closing in less than a year. With all of those feelings swirling in my head I had no time to stop and listen to my heart pitter-patter.
I quickly started to fit in and especially when months later a girl from another store came to work at ours. I instantly clicked with her, even though we were total opposites. By this time I had started looking at L in a different way. One day me and the girl were talking and she told me that she had liked L. They had known each other a while so I never said anything about my feelings. All my life I’ve only had one friend not go after a guy I liked and I’ll be damned if I do that to someone else. So from that moment on since L and I had the same interests, sort of the same attitude I started to call him my big brother. When I think about it the first time I called him that he looked kind of crushed. But I had to put that label out there to make my feelings subside so that I don’t make a move on my friends crush.
As months went on L and I got closer. Not in a romantic way, but in a sort of best friend way. I don’t have many people where I feel just opening up my soul too, but he was one of those people. He made me feel completely comfortable from the first conversation we had. There were a few times were after work we’d go walk and talk for what seemed like hours. A few times I’d be on the verge of tears because of whatever we were talking about and he would be the type of person to grab my hand and just listen. I never got any judgmental words from him let alone looks. I’d never gotten that feeling from any of my girlfriends let alone a guy.
One summer night we decided to meet up and go to this reggae club and no one else wanted to go with him. I really liked hanging out with him , but I was kind of nervous to go because he’s a real cool dude and I’m a black chick who can’t dance for shit. When we arrived everything was fine and fun, but he slowly started to get agitated that I wouldn’t dance. I’d try to do the minimal, but it seemed to annoy him that he kept trying to get me out of my shell and I refused to. We only stayed a few hours and I guess he got tired of watching me pretty much just stand around. When we left, I don’t know how it happened, but all of a sudden we were in a screaming match as we walked down the street. I don’t know if he felt like I ruined his good night or if he was upset that I didn’t let loose, but I do know we were literally screaming at each other. It was weird though, once we got on the bus we were mad at first then we kinda looked at each other and that anger was completely gone. Once we got downtown we decided to just keep the night going since the buses that would take us home all the way to the south side had long since stopped running for the night. We bar hopped a bit and then decided to go to the beach. We climbed onto the lifeguard stand and talked for hours until the sun rose. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but it was one of the best nights I had in Chicago. Honestly, I lived there for over 4 years and the only other awesome nights I had was seeing Paul McCartney for the first time, seeing U2 for the first time, and seeing Coldplay, RHCP, and Jack White at Lollapalooza. Still my night with L ranks above most of these events.
The only downside to my night with L is that the sexual tension was high and nothing happened. We did the most romantic thing in the world like watching the sunrise and absolutely nothing happened. I was torn. I didn’t know if his anger from earlier that night was because he liked me and didn’t know how to say it (because that’s definitely where my anger came from) or if he didn’t like me in that way at all. It could’ve been possible that he didn’t think I liked him in that way. Either way it was an opportunity lost.
Another opportunity happened when we went to see “Hot Tub Time Machine” after work one day. Afterwards we went for a walk and talked again for hours. At one point I could feel him lean in, but again nothing happened. I had even looked into his eyes, not backing away, and still nothing. In the back of my mind was always that my friend liked him and the only way I was going to act on anything is if he acted first, but we never got to that point.
By summer of 2010 I had found another job, which the girl who also liked L helped me get, in just enough time before this job closed shop. My new job worked me like a dog, so I barely had time for me let alone trying to keep in contact with other people. L and I would talk here and there and then slowly it turned into the occasional “Hello” or “Happy birthday” on Facebook. As of late he’s really been on my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I want to settle down and build something with someone and when I think of the perfect mate it’s his face that pops up. I’ve tried talking with other men whom I do like, but in the end of the day it comes straight back to him. Just as in “Hot Tub Time Machine” I really believe he was my great white buffalo.
I know most of my Tragic Tales are about asshole exes and crushes in my life who had done me wrong in some way, but this is a different type of tragic. It’s tragic because perhaps we would’ve been great together. Perhaps we would have flourished. He very well may have been the one and I ran from that because I chose friendship over possible happiness. It’s even more tragic because to this day I’m still terrified to tell him how I feel. How do you tell a person you haven’t said much to in 3 years that you can’t stop thinking about them? The shy girl in me posts obscure statuses on Facebook hoping he’ll see and get the hidden meaning and say something. Most likely I know I’ll post this with that same foolish hope. I tell myself that if it’s meant to be it will be, but I know that there is no way he will ever know what is in my heart unless I actually tell him and I know that’s something I don’t have the courage to do. I don’t want to face the rejection of him telling me he’s with someone, or even worse, married, or even worse than that, him telling me he never saw me that way at all. As much as I think about him it’s a risk I should be taking, but it’s a risk I’m just not willing to take yet. Just another opportunity wasted.
Tragic Crush Tales #3
Crush
G was the shit sprinkles on top of a shit sundae that 2013 was starting
out to be. I had met G on Twitter of all places. We noticed each other
through a mutual person we were following. The weird thing about it is
the person we were following was the girl who was the main person in the
Catfish finale of season 1. That should have been a sign. Well, one day
she was tweeting about not being able to find love (this was all before
her episode even aired) and we both at the same time were trying to
give her encouraging words. We both saw each other and liked what we saw
and it all started from there. We’d message each other all the time and
send little flirtatious tweets back and forth.
As sad as it sounds during this time he became my everything. Just a few months earlier I was kicked out of my place in Chicago and had to move back to Dayton. People that I called my very best friends were super excited I was coming back home, but when I did land in Ohio I never heard from these people (and now it’s almost 2015 and I really still haven’t). Losing my place and returning to hell was depressing enough, when my friends completely abandoned me when I needed them most made my world crumble. I had no one else, so I latched onto G. He said all the right things and made me feel cared for. Soon we were texting to get to know each other better than what 140 characters can hold. We talked about likes, dislikes, exes, and family. Something that always stuck out in my mind was once when I asked him about his last relationship he said they had broken up that summer (I started talking to him in January 2013) because she was just “crazy” but that she was still in is life because they had kids together. I asked how many kids, and he stated he had 3. One kid that was his, one that was hers from a previous relationship but since the father was not around he stepped up to assume the role. He never described the third, which I thought was weird, but I ignored because I was just happy to finally get to know him better.
We talked everyday for weeks, whether it was by text, Twitter, or a few times talking on the phone. During those few weeks there were a few times where he started to act really strange. I could say something really simple or tweet about something that had nothing to do with him and he would completely lose his shit. We wouldn’t talk for a few days and then everything would be back to normal. He would go back to leaving cutesy tweets about how much he liked me and things of that nature. By late January we were still messaging each other everyday and talking about meeting each other soon and he had even told me that he was looking for jobs near me so that he could move here. I was happy about the news, but I knew he would have to be insane to move here from Detroit and only be able to see his kids probably a few times a year. I still thought it was a nice gesture seeing as by that point my friends were still nowhere in sight. One day in February I texted him because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days since he had started a new job. He replied saying he was busy with work, as I had assumed, and that he was scared of his feelings for me. “I’m falling for you hard, Asia. It’s crazy.” I was shocked, but honestly I was feeling the same way. “There’s three words I want to tell you so bad,” he said. I cared for him a lot, but saying “I love you” wasn’t in my vocabulary at that time. I don’t throw that around lightly. We talked a bit more and he was understanding as to why I didn’t want to rush those kinds of feelings since we hadn’t met yet.
For a few more weeks things were going great. Not even a two weeks later he sent me a text saying that he’s getting back together with his kids mom to make their family work. I wasn’t upset about that. If you both care about each other and want to make it work for the kids then you should do that. I was upset because not too long before he’s practically saying he loved me and days after he continued to tell me how much he wanted to be with me. I was totally confused by that. Instead of trying to help me understand as to how feelings like that can be turned off like a light switch, he decided to subtweet me on Twitter like a juvenile saying I was trying to break up his family. I was extremely pissed by that point. How dare you spring this news on me and then talk shit about me like I’m the bad guy?
A few weeks later I received a message on Facebook from an account I had never seen before. It was his kids mom. At first she tried to get huffy with me until I had to keep drilling into her head that I knew nothing about her other than they had kids together. She first told me she found out about me by seeing some messages of mine on his phone and when she questioned him he just told her that I was “crazy.” I told her it figured since he said the same of her. We started to compare notes. He told me that they had broken up summer ‘12. She said they had, but got back together by November which means a month after that he started talking to me. I put two and two together that the few days I didn’t hear from him or the few times he went ape shit on me for no reason are times that his gf was probably coming over and he had to find some way to get rid of me for a few days. She told me they had the one kid together and one on the way. It started to click of that time when he told me of his kids and only described two, I do suppose it’s hard to describe a kid that isn’t born yet. It wasn’t as if she was a few months pregnant either, she was about to burst by this time. She said they were pretty much married. Not sure if she meant legally or they were “FB married.” Either way I didn’t give a shit. I told her I had 90% of all our texts and tweets saved. She wanted me to text them to her, but I’m sorry, if he was nuts then most likely she was too. There was no way in hell I was going to give her access to my number (the phone I had wouldn’t let me screen shot so I couldn’t have messaged her on FB with them).
I blocked both of them on all social media. As I searched to see if they had any backup accounts that I should block as well I found old ones of theirs on Twitter and most of the timelines consisted of them arguing back and forth. So it’s possible they’re both “crazy” and are the type of couple who will continually break up every 6-8 months while popping out babies.
I’d like to say that after this happened I brushed it off in a “Fuck him” sort of way, but I didn’t. The way my year was already going I just saw it as another person who felt the need to use and abandon me and for that I say “fuck him”. It’s things like this that make me put up a wall with people. I don’t understand someone who can lie about something like that. Either be with your girl or not, but if you’re going to be with her don’t emotionally cheat on her with other people and hurt multiple people in the process. Yes, I’m sure there were other girls besides me. And yes he is a dick for that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
As sad as it sounds during this time he became my everything. Just a few months earlier I was kicked out of my place in Chicago and had to move back to Dayton. People that I called my very best friends were super excited I was coming back home, but when I did land in Ohio I never heard from these people (and now it’s almost 2015 and I really still haven’t). Losing my place and returning to hell was depressing enough, when my friends completely abandoned me when I needed them most made my world crumble. I had no one else, so I latched onto G. He said all the right things and made me feel cared for. Soon we were texting to get to know each other better than what 140 characters can hold. We talked about likes, dislikes, exes, and family. Something that always stuck out in my mind was once when I asked him about his last relationship he said they had broken up that summer (I started talking to him in January 2013) because she was just “crazy” but that she was still in is life because they had kids together. I asked how many kids, and he stated he had 3. One kid that was his, one that was hers from a previous relationship but since the father was not around he stepped up to assume the role. He never described the third, which I thought was weird, but I ignored because I was just happy to finally get to know him better.
We talked everyday for weeks, whether it was by text, Twitter, or a few times talking on the phone. During those few weeks there were a few times where he started to act really strange. I could say something really simple or tweet about something that had nothing to do with him and he would completely lose his shit. We wouldn’t talk for a few days and then everything would be back to normal. He would go back to leaving cutesy tweets about how much he liked me and things of that nature. By late January we were still messaging each other everyday and talking about meeting each other soon and he had even told me that he was looking for jobs near me so that he could move here. I was happy about the news, but I knew he would have to be insane to move here from Detroit and only be able to see his kids probably a few times a year. I still thought it was a nice gesture seeing as by that point my friends were still nowhere in sight. One day in February I texted him because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days since he had started a new job. He replied saying he was busy with work, as I had assumed, and that he was scared of his feelings for me. “I’m falling for you hard, Asia. It’s crazy.” I was shocked, but honestly I was feeling the same way. “There’s three words I want to tell you so bad,” he said. I cared for him a lot, but saying “I love you” wasn’t in my vocabulary at that time. I don’t throw that around lightly. We talked a bit more and he was understanding as to why I didn’t want to rush those kinds of feelings since we hadn’t met yet.
For a few more weeks things were going great. Not even a two weeks later he sent me a text saying that he’s getting back together with his kids mom to make their family work. I wasn’t upset about that. If you both care about each other and want to make it work for the kids then you should do that. I was upset because not too long before he’s practically saying he loved me and days after he continued to tell me how much he wanted to be with me. I was totally confused by that. Instead of trying to help me understand as to how feelings like that can be turned off like a light switch, he decided to subtweet me on Twitter like a juvenile saying I was trying to break up his family. I was extremely pissed by that point. How dare you spring this news on me and then talk shit about me like I’m the bad guy?
A few weeks later I received a message on Facebook from an account I had never seen before. It was his kids mom. At first she tried to get huffy with me until I had to keep drilling into her head that I knew nothing about her other than they had kids together. She first told me she found out about me by seeing some messages of mine on his phone and when she questioned him he just told her that I was “crazy.” I told her it figured since he said the same of her. We started to compare notes. He told me that they had broken up summer ‘12. She said they had, but got back together by November which means a month after that he started talking to me. I put two and two together that the few days I didn’t hear from him or the few times he went ape shit on me for no reason are times that his gf was probably coming over and he had to find some way to get rid of me for a few days. She told me they had the one kid together and one on the way. It started to click of that time when he told me of his kids and only described two, I do suppose it’s hard to describe a kid that isn’t born yet. It wasn’t as if she was a few months pregnant either, she was about to burst by this time. She said they were pretty much married. Not sure if she meant legally or they were “FB married.” Either way I didn’t give a shit. I told her I had 90% of all our texts and tweets saved. She wanted me to text them to her, but I’m sorry, if he was nuts then most likely she was too. There was no way in hell I was going to give her access to my number (the phone I had wouldn’t let me screen shot so I couldn’t have messaged her on FB with them).
I blocked both of them on all social media. As I searched to see if they had any backup accounts that I should block as well I found old ones of theirs on Twitter and most of the timelines consisted of them arguing back and forth. So it’s possible they’re both “crazy” and are the type of couple who will continually break up every 6-8 months while popping out babies.
I’d like to say that after this happened I brushed it off in a “Fuck him” sort of way, but I didn’t. The way my year was already going I just saw it as another person who felt the need to use and abandon me and for that I say “fuck him”. It’s things like this that make me put up a wall with people. I don’t understand someone who can lie about something like that. Either be with your girl or not, but if you’re going to be with her don’t emotionally cheat on her with other people and hurt multiple people in the process. Yes, I’m sure there were other girls besides me. And yes he is a dick for that.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)
Tragic Boyfriend Tales #4
I met boyfriend L through a mutual friend. I
thought he was very attractive and asked my best friend to set us up. To
this day I still believe our first date was the best first date I’d
ever been on. We went to dinner and a movie and since we didn’t want to
leave each other we went back to his place and stayed up all night
watching movies. I was leaving Ohio for Chicago not even two months
after we met, but we decided to give a relationship a go anyways. We
became attached to the hip instantly, making sure to spend every minute
together until it was time for me to leave. I fell for him hard from the
start. Very hard.
One day he was over at my house. We got tired of packing and decided to take a movie break. The movie started to bore me halfway through so I started playing a game on his phone. All of a sudden he takes the phone from me and tells me he wants to show me something. He flips through his phone for a few minutes and then shoves it in my face once he’s found the picture he’s looking for. He pushed the phone so close to my face I had to back up to see what it was. When I saw it I was actually dumbfounded. It was a photo of him making out with the very friend that hooked us up. “Why would you show me this?” I asked him. I wasn’t even snooping on his phone so why go out of the way to show me something like that? He just shrugged, “I don’t know.” He assured me that the pic was before we met, but I was still puzzled as to why he would show me that as if he was proud. You don’t show a girl a picture of you kissing her best friend nor do you keep it saved on your phone. I was upset with him, but I have to say I was more upset with my friend. She should have told me beforehand that they had either liked each other at one point or something. Whether or not she would’ve given her blessing I wouldn’t have dated him. That’s girl code. If I had a man in my life that I’d never dated, but maybe we tried for a short period of time or fooled around I’d tell my friend beforehand if she wanted to date him so that info doesn’t come out later and make things awkward.
Looking back on the situation I feel like he only dated me to get back at her. A sort of “Well if you don’t like me I’ll date your best friend”. Possibly he was hoping to make her jealous and to want him after seeing him with me. Sort of backfired on him. I look back at little things he used to say. In the beginning I remember him saying “A long time ago I liked H, but she would blow me off then she told me she had a friend that liked me (moi) so I thought ‘Hell yeah’.” Stupid of me to not question that further. Even though we stayed together almost a year after that I honestly didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. I turned into the girl who would check his phone when he left the room and I am honestly not that kind of girl. There were many questionable things L did throughout our relationship, but this was the first in a long line of “WTF?” moments.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
One day he was over at my house. We got tired of packing and decided to take a movie break. The movie started to bore me halfway through so I started playing a game on his phone. All of a sudden he takes the phone from me and tells me he wants to show me something. He flips through his phone for a few minutes and then shoves it in my face once he’s found the picture he’s looking for. He pushed the phone so close to my face I had to back up to see what it was. When I saw it I was actually dumbfounded. It was a photo of him making out with the very friend that hooked us up. “Why would you show me this?” I asked him. I wasn’t even snooping on his phone so why go out of the way to show me something like that? He just shrugged, “I don’t know.” He assured me that the pic was before we met, but I was still puzzled as to why he would show me that as if he was proud. You don’t show a girl a picture of you kissing her best friend nor do you keep it saved on your phone. I was upset with him, but I have to say I was more upset with my friend. She should have told me beforehand that they had either liked each other at one point or something. Whether or not she would’ve given her blessing I wouldn’t have dated him. That’s girl code. If I had a man in my life that I’d never dated, but maybe we tried for a short period of time or fooled around I’d tell my friend beforehand if she wanted to date him so that info doesn’t come out later and make things awkward.
Looking back on the situation I feel like he only dated me to get back at her. A sort of “Well if you don’t like me I’ll date your best friend”. Possibly he was hoping to make her jealous and to want him after seeing him with me. Sort of backfired on him. I look back at little things he used to say. In the beginning I remember him saying “A long time ago I liked H, but she would blow me off then she told me she had a friend that liked me (moi) so I thought ‘Hell yeah’.” Stupid of me to not question that further. Even though we stayed together almost a year after that I honestly didn’t feel like I could trust him anymore. I turned into the girl who would check his phone when he left the room and I am honestly not that kind of girl. There were many questionable things L did throughout our relationship, but this was the first in a long line of “WTF?” moments.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)