Boyfriend, Where Art Thou?

I swear at my age I still have no idea how this dating thing works. Does anyone have a clue? I act like a crazy 16 year old girl who will just stare wide eyed at a man too afraid to say anything. It’s sooo embarrassing. On the flip side if there’s a guy slightly interested in me and he’s only sort of attractive I’ll blow him off, and in the end I kick myself for it… constantly. I’m still kicking myself about two guys from like 3 years ago. Mind you this has only happened a few times. Most guys in my life that I’ve done this too get friendzoned for very very good reason. It’s the summer time and it just be nice to find a nice guy, even if it’s just a summer romance. I try the dating sites and don’t get me started on that. I only seem to run into animals. Inappropriate comments and guys only interested in me physically, which isn’t a bad thing, but you can be about that without seeming like a completely pig. Why can’t I just find a nice, good looking, nerdy guy who likes to go to concerts, comic book movies, fuck, and like to watch Netflix while pigging out on pizza? I’ll admit, I’m picky. Like hella picky. Also, I’m always foreshadowing the breakup. There’s a guy a few years ago that I worked with and we really liked each other, but we never told each other, but I always knew he liked me, but I didn’t want to assume and get rejected. Once I moved out of state he told me about how much he liked me and still wanted to be with me. I told him there was no way. I had done long distance and it ended horribly. Yup. This is one of the guys I’m kicking myself about. The other was a guy I had met on Match. We talked for months on FB, but had never met for two reasons: 1. I had a broken foot and 2. His Match pics were WAY more attractive than his FB pics so it threw me off (I assumed the Match ones were very old). What did I do? I blew him off to get back together with an old boyfriend… and he cheated on me like he always did. Months later I ran into Match guy at a Target, and you know what? He was as gorgeous as his Match pics suggested. I’m really kicking myself over that one. Attractive guy, great job, EXTREMELY smart, cultured, funny, and acts his fucking age. I’m a dumbass for that one. To make myself feel better I tell myself that if it was meant to happen it will. It won’t. If he knows what’s good for him he’ll stay the hell away from my crazy ass. But what are you gonna do? *shrug* I still talk to him though, so maybe? *fingers crossed* Seeking companionship from the opposite sex is frustrating, but I have to laugh at myself because I fail so hard. Team socially awkward 4ever.

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