Tragic Boyfriend Tales #6

Boyfriend R was a weird one. It was one of those things where I noticed at the time, but would overlook a lot of things because I loved him. Once it was over I had to wonder how we didn’t crash and burn in one weeks time.
        Since we were in a long distance relationship whenever I would come home from school breaks I’d drive to his school (since it was on the way to our hometown) and I’d either stay there or we would drive home together. On one of my many trips I was only there to see him and not passing through for a family holiday.
        One afternoon during this trip I needed to use his laptop. I can’t remember if it was to do a school assignment for myself or to help him (I used to help him a lot with his essays) or if it was just to mess around on the internet. He was in the front room of his dorm playing video games, while I was in his bedroom. I don’t remember what site I was trying to visit, but I remember typing in the letter ‘C’ and a link auto-populated that was something like “”. I’m used to always being on my computer and just hitting the first few letters of whatever I’m looking for and then pressing enter. Out of habit I hit the enter button and was surprised by porn. Now I’m not the type of girl who will freak out if her boyfriend watches porn. I probably watch it more than most guys, to be honest. I was freaked out by the type that it was and how they got away with using Cocoa Cola in their web address. It was one of those “Barely legal” type of sites. I’ve been on those before where the site will advertise that the girls are barely legal, but at least they look around the age of 20 and not a minor. The girls on this site…. not so much. They all looked about 16 or so with the body of a 13 or 14 year old. I called him into the room and asked him what it was. He just told me that it was a site he looked at sometimes. I asked him “You know why sites like this exist, right?” He looked confused and said, “For people to get off.” I replied, “No. Sites like this are for men who want to stare at naked young girls without feeling guilty because it says “barely legal”, which by the look of all of these girls, I highly doubt they are.” He said he didn’t understand what I meant so I tried to break it down for him. “R, there are tons of barely legal sites where the women look to be between the ages of 18-25, these look like kids. This site is designed for men to get off to kids/teenagers, but are told that these girls are actually 18.” He still gave me this confused look as if he didn’t even understand what kids were. I gave up, but I tried to tell him again that if anyone else comes across this on his computer they’re going to look at him sideways because these chicks really did look like they were 14 or 15 years old.
        Looking back on this I do remember months before this happened I was telling him of a lecture my professor gave in a sex course I was taking (I don’t remember the exact name of the course). This professor had seen it all and not only was he a very elderly man that taught a class on this subject but he was also a priest, which I thought was pretty cool. One day he did touch on the topic of kiddie porn and he, as well as us students, were disgusted that people would take pics of kids or find any way to get their hands on such things. When I told R this story he told me that he didn’t know what I was talking about and didn’t know what kiddie porn was. I have no idea how a person in their mid 20s in this day in age had never heard about it. Even after I explained what it was he still claimed that he had never heard of it and again it was almost like he didn’t even know what a kid was. He was a really smart guy so I don’t know why he claimed he didn’t know what all this was. It was really weird.
        I had never seen R interact with any kids so I can’t say there were any red flags other than these two instances. I still felt a little weird about it. I don’t know. A year or so ago he contacted me through social media to talk. I really didn’t have anything to say to him. For the most part when I break up with someone I’m done. I ended up blocking him. Naturally, before I did, I looked at his profile and his marital status was ‘engaged’. Of course I went to check out his fiance’s page, who strangely had left no comments on his profile at all and no pictures of them at all on hers (to be fair he had no pics of her either) and she doesn’t mention him at all on her profile either. That’s not to say she couldn’t have it private, but most of her page seemed to be public. A little chill did go down my spine when I noticed that she had two little girls. They both looked to be under the age of 6. I also noticed that on her profile most of her status updates were pretty depressing in nature which made me even more uneasy. Isn’t that what predators do? Seek out a person who isn’t stable and prey on them or their children? Perhaps I watch too many Lifetime movies, but I did feel a little worried for her for a minute. I really wanted to message her and tell her that I had a few concerns about her fiance since she did have two little girls, but I refrained for many reasons. If I were to message her there’s a good chance he could just say to her that I’m a jealous ex or something to make me look crazy, she’d probably ignore the message altogether seeing as she doesn’t know me, they may only be FB engaged and are actually just friends, and I didn’t want to message her because I didn’t want to say something that horrible about a person with only suspicions to back it up and possibly end up ruining their relationship and his image. I still have my suspicions about him on that issue. I don’t like to accuse anyone of something that’s so damaging if I don’t 100% know for sure. Usually my intuition is hardly ever wrong, but I hope it is on this because I don’t know if my conscience could handle finding out that I was right and someone gets hurt.

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©

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