I wish I was the type of person to not let people’s actions change me. A man lies to me and I think “All men are liars.” A friend betrays me and I think “I have NO friends” even though I know I have at least one who would never harm me. I let the actions of a few people in my past harden me which makes me cold towards people who could be a part of my future. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. I have a hard time differentiating between good and bad people so I classify everyone as bad. I’ve had so many people take advantage of me that I have my guard up constantly. I’m always irritable and moody because I don’t want people to get close enough to hurt me. I want to change this. I know deep down I am the type of person who is friendly, semi-sociable, giddy, caring, sensitive, etc, but I hide all that because I’m afraid that everyone will take advantage of my kindness. My attitude has definitely ruined possible friendships because I just don’t want to be bothered with the paranoia of “what does this person want from me?” I know that I can’t carry this baggage with me and it will be a very long process for me. This process would be easier for me if I could 100% let go of the people who did hurt me instead of sitting back with the high hopes that they’ll be the ones to change their ways. I know it won’t work like that, but I’m hanging onto the thought that it will. I should focus more on becoming a better person instead of letting these type of folks turn me into something I’m not. In the end of the day they’re focused on themselves and not worried about how their actions affect me, so why do I care so much?

-Asia Aneka Anderson