Tragic Boyfriend Tales #2

        Boyfriend M and I started dating my junior year of high school. He was a senior. We actually started out as best friends and I figured since I knew he liked me then we could take it to the next step. Fast forward to the summer of that year. Summers were special to me because my little cousin, who was like a sister to me, came up to Ohio from Tennessee every summer. She was about 11 at the time and I was probably 17, but she was my absolute best friend. I told M this and that most of my summer would most likely be spent with her seeing as we only see each other three months out of the year. He was okay at first because I think he thought I was understating what I said.
        I brought her to a few events with friends, but we didn’t do too much with M because I could tell my cousin didn’t like him. Being the jealous type that he was he started calling me nonstop. One night when my cousin was sleeping over he called and started saying stupid things like “Is she there again?!” and “You care about her more than me.”… But of course. She was the only person in my family that understood me. He’d also say things like “Don’t you have other people who can watch her?!” Yes. But she’d rather hang with me. M took every chance he could to call me every name in the book from “stupid” to “bitch” to let it be known that he was my boyfriend and no one, not even family, should come before him. He was very aggressive about it and made it very clear that he hated my 11 year old cousin because we hung out a lot. Tiny back story: My cousin and I are very close because 1. we’re both Libras (birthdays are exactly 14 days apart) so almost everything about us from style to humor was the same and 2. when she was 3 her mom passed away from cancer. From the moment she was a baby I felt the need to look out for her. Now back to M. I explained all this to him and he proceeded to compare my motherless cousin to his father who had walked out on him at a young age BUT had recently reentered his life. By the time this phone conversation happened I was on my way out of the relationship which is why I stayed pretty calm despite the nasty things he said, but when he started talking about her mom it took me from 0 to 100. He said “So what if her mom’s dead? It’s probably better she didn’t know her.” The he continued to go on about his sob story about his father. I explained to him that it sucked his dad left, but he was trying to fix a wrong and he has access to tell his father how he feels and that he could pick up a phone to call his dad at any time. My cousin didn’t have that luxury. His response “She can talk to her. She can go to her grave.” I was beyond done with the relationship, friendship, and any other ship by that point. My cousin is yelling at him in the background and I’m yelling at him to never talk to me again and that it was over. In true abusive bf fashion M apologized profusely. Nope. Sorry. Not gonna fall for it. Saying hurtful things about me is one thing, but about my cousin, who was my world, was not going to happen. He tried to call a few times after that, but surprisingly it didn’t take him long to catch on.
        Fast forward about 4 or 5 years later. I get a call on my home phone from a girl. She said “I’m sorry to call you, but do you know M?” “Yes,” I told her. “You dated, right?” I was skeptical because I didn’t know who she was and how in the hell she had my parents number. She then told me who she was. She was M’s current gf and baby mama. She asked me if M had ever hit me. “Oh hell no. He knew better than that. He wouldn’t make it out alive if he even raised his hand.” She went on to tell me that he had hit her and that he would often call her names. I assume that day she stood up for herself and told him to stop yelling at her and he responded that she wasn’t the only one he talked to that way and if she wanted proof she could call me. “It was weird cause he gave me your number off the top of his head. He didn’t have to look it up.” Half a decade later and this dude still had my number memorized. Creepy. I admitted to her that he mouthed off a lot, but it never got physical. I tried to give her advice that even though I didn’t know her she didn’t deserve that. “No one deserves that. I know how he gets, how territorial and jealous he is. You’re the mother of his kid. Don’t put yourself through that and expose your daughter to that. He’s not worth it and it looks like he’s probably not going to change since he hasn’t since high school.” I’m not sure if she really listened to me. I hope she did. As for M somehow we’re FB friends, but I don’t talk to him and he doesn’t talk to me. I do hate that for several years after him I refused to date overweight men. I had it in my mind that heavy set men equals insecurity which leads to jealousy and controlling. It took me years to get over that because of this chump. More than that I can’t believe I lost my virginity to that loser. Ugh.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2014(c)

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