Times have been so tough lately. I have my good days and I have my very bad days. I've had to train myself into thinking that I'm never given more than I can handle, everything happens for a reason,  and that in the end everything will be okay.
I've been shown this many times throughout my life, but when everything seems to go downhill it's hard to see the big positive that may be right around the corner. For instance years ago I was at a job that barely put food on the table. From the moment I started that job I was immediately looking for a second one, but after tons of applications and many interviews nothing came of it. Months before the news of that job closing it's doors for good I got a better paying, although more stressful, job. But even with that first job I was blessed. Even with the low pay I still consider it the best job I ever had. I worked with a lot of good people, and that job came at a time when I was hanging by a thread financially.
I look back on these past few years and all I can see is failure. I have been in the lowest rut of my life and I didn't think it was possible to be this low. On my good days, and even my bad, I have to look at the possible positive to what seems like a definite negative. Maybe there was a reason I lost my home. Maybe my next big move will be into my dream home. I'll admit I haven't been job hunting they way I should. I only want to apply to places that I know I'll fall in love with. My last job left me so stressed that it actually frightens me to work in a place like that again because it completely killed what little spirit I had left. With the jobs I've applied to recently I have yet to get a call let alone an interview. Maybe it's possible that my next job will be my dream career. I've been bummed because my last relationship ended right before Spring of 2012 and it was with someone who I thought I'd be with forever. Maybe it's possible that I'm alone because the next person to come into my life will be my soulmate. No more kissing frogs, just a direct B-line to my prince charming.
I have to steer my mind towards these positives. It's the only thing that keeps me going.It's the only thing that makes me smile when I'm in my thoughts. I know people that have had through awful things happen to them like losing a child, parent, or any other traumatic experience doesn't want to believe that there's a reason for that. I get it. If I was in their shoes I'd probably feel that way too. People that have dealt with those sort of experiences don't want to believe that the universe is so cruel, but I do truly believe that the universe can be that cruel, and it can also be that beautiful.
-Asia Aneka Anderson