"Sunshine Self", 2017(c)
Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson
#InsideMyCreativeMind
Yes/No
My heart was yours to keep.
Turns out my love you didn’t want.
So many yes’s turned to no’s.
So many smiles turned to tears.
Excuses became the norm.
Heartbreak, again my home.
My trust I still tried to keep.
Wanting my faith in you to last.
You placed your insecurities on me.
All the while expanding mine.
You stood emotionless watching regret sting my eyes.
Tears of what I knew would happen.
I only wanted us to be great.
You wanted to be right.
So many no’s turn to silence.
Excuses that just turn to bullshit.
But my heart still beats of hope.
I shared my body and many a longing gaze.
Destined to be one with you.
Fear interrupted.
All that silence turned into accusations.
All the bullshit that just got deeper.
If you clear away the hurt.
If you push aside the bullshit.
You’ll see the vulnerability of my heart.
It is pure.
This feeling is true.
We get to the yes’s.
We dismiss the no’s.
Hang all excuses out to dry.
Trust in us.
Keep my heart.
A heart that’s still full of hope with you.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, Yes/No 2017©
Turns out my love you didn’t want.
So many yes’s turned to no’s.
So many smiles turned to tears.
Excuses became the norm.
Heartbreak, again my home.
My trust I still tried to keep.
Wanting my faith in you to last.
You placed your insecurities on me.
All the while expanding mine.
You stood emotionless watching regret sting my eyes.
Tears of what I knew would happen.
I only wanted us to be great.
You wanted to be right.
So many no’s turn to silence.
Excuses that just turn to bullshit.
But my heart still beats of hope.
I shared my body and many a longing gaze.
Destined to be one with you.
Fear interrupted.
All that silence turned into accusations.
All the bullshit that just got deeper.
If you clear away the hurt.
If you push aside the bullshit.
You’ll see the vulnerability of my heart.
It is pure.
This feeling is true.
We get to the yes’s.
We dismiss the no’s.
Hang all excuses out to dry.
Trust in us.
Keep my heart.
A heart that’s still full of hope with you.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, Yes/No 2017©
The Story Of The Woman And The Fuckboy: A Twitter Tale
Fin.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, The Story Of The Woman And The Fuck Boy: A Twitter Tale 2017©
Live Your Life
They say that time waits for no one,
But some of us just sit and watch the clock.
Mesmerized by the tic and the tock.
They say that time heals all wounds,
But some pains can last a lifetime.
Life is too short,
But the day is long.
People come and go.
Memories fade or sting.
We sit still as time goes by.
Caught up in the never ending cycle of life.
Too busy existing to live.
Still time flies.
Wounds fade from view.
Life goes on.
But some of us just sit and watch the clock.
Mesmerized by the tic and the tock.
They say that time heals all wounds,
But some pains can last a lifetime.
Life is too short,
But the day is long.
People come and go.
Memories fade or sting.
We sit still as time goes by.
Caught up in the never ending cycle of life.
Too busy existing to live.
Still time flies.
Wounds fade from view.
Life goes on.
-
Asia Aneka Anderson, Live Your Life 2017©
The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Learning To Love Myself
I’ve finally started
back going to therapy. It certainly has been a while. Years in fact. I’m hoping
this time I can finally get my life on track and my thoughts clear. My first assignment
was to watch a YouTube video of a speaker named Kristen Neff. She’s speaking
about self-compassion at a Ted Talk. Self-Compassion is something that I’ve
lacked for a very long time. I’m not ever sure when it stopped or if I even had
compassion for myself ever.
I’m often so hard on myself. My biggest obstacle is feeling like I haven’t accomplished all the things I feel a 30 something should have. I don’t have a degree. I’m back living at home. I don’t have a steady “career”, instead I’m stuck in a part time job. I’m not married nor even in a relationship and haven’t been for years. I have no children. I have no accolades. I feel like a failure. My accomplishments seem far and few in between.
Kristen speaks on how we as people always have kind words of advice to friends but never for ourselves. If I ever heard one of my best friends say the things I just said about myself I’d actually be pissed that they even thought that. “Are you kidding me?! You’re great! We all have setbacks, but you’ll come out on top.” I’ve never received that pep talk from me. I save it for everyone else. I’m not very kind to myself and I don’t deserve to feel the way that I do about me. Not only does my daily life stress me out the way I react to myself stresses me out as well. I’m unsure why this happens. I’m only human. We make mistakes, fail, fall down, and get embarrassed but we judge ourselves so harshly. I know that I am my biggest critic. I knock down everything I try to do. I’ve been trying to write a book/script for several years, but make no progress, because I think my talent is lacking.
I want to learn to be more kind to myself. I need to love me. I need to support me. All those words of advice that I dish out first need to be lived by me. I am not failure, but I have failed at some things. I need to embrace that and keep going. I need to strive. Loving myself seems to be the hardest. I see so many broken things in myself and I’m not sure how to glue together the pieces. This is where my self-compassion will have to rear it’s head to tell me that it’s okay. It’s all easier said than done, but I’m worth the love I need to give myself.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©
I’m often so hard on myself. My biggest obstacle is feeling like I haven’t accomplished all the things I feel a 30 something should have. I don’t have a degree. I’m back living at home. I don’t have a steady “career”, instead I’m stuck in a part time job. I’m not married nor even in a relationship and haven’t been for years. I have no children. I have no accolades. I feel like a failure. My accomplishments seem far and few in between.
Kristen speaks on how we as people always have kind words of advice to friends but never for ourselves. If I ever heard one of my best friends say the things I just said about myself I’d actually be pissed that they even thought that. “Are you kidding me?! You’re great! We all have setbacks, but you’ll come out on top.” I’ve never received that pep talk from me. I save it for everyone else. I’m not very kind to myself and I don’t deserve to feel the way that I do about me. Not only does my daily life stress me out the way I react to myself stresses me out as well. I’m unsure why this happens. I’m only human. We make mistakes, fail, fall down, and get embarrassed but we judge ourselves so harshly. I know that I am my biggest critic. I knock down everything I try to do. I’ve been trying to write a book/script for several years, but make no progress, because I think my talent is lacking.
I want to learn to be more kind to myself. I need to love me. I need to support me. All those words of advice that I dish out first need to be lived by me. I am not failure, but I have failed at some things. I need to embrace that and keep going. I need to strive. Loving myself seems to be the hardest. I see so many broken things in myself and I’m not sure how to glue together the pieces. This is where my self-compassion will have to rear it’s head to tell me that it’s okay. It’s all easier said than done, but I’m worth the love I need to give myself.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©
The Game Is Over
Your words so cold.
Yet don’t cut deep.
You thought they had an effect on me.
For I am not shook.
Games you said you didn’t play.
But your number is on the leaderboard.
You failed to see my score is higher than yours.
At these games I am a pro.
For you are not the first one.
String me along while I lead you further.
This is a two player game.
You pressed start a little too late.
Although this is a game we play.
I go into each round optimistic.
Instead of opponents we become teammates.
Crushing whatever boss comes at us.
But you’re against me which makes me against you.
To the next level we go.
Losing rings.
Slipping on banana peels.
Dodging tossed barrels and colorful ghosts.
Waiting for the inevitable “Finish Him”.
These games are no fun when you’re pitted against each other.
The rematches grow tiresome.
We search our stash for the cartridge of “Us Against The World”.
Somehow I keep finding copies of “You Against Me”.
A partnership full of the wrong X’s and O’s.
A glitch that never corrects when blown into.
An unfortunate fatality.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, The Game Is Over, 2017
Yet don’t cut deep.
You thought they had an effect on me.
For I am not shook.
Games you said you didn’t play.
But your number is on the leaderboard.
You failed to see my score is higher than yours.
At these games I am a pro.
For you are not the first one.
String me along while I lead you further.
This is a two player game.
You pressed start a little too late.
Although this is a game we play.
I go into each round optimistic.
Instead of opponents we become teammates.
Crushing whatever boss comes at us.
But you’re against me which makes me against you.
To the next level we go.
Losing rings.
Slipping on banana peels.
Dodging tossed barrels and colorful ghosts.
Waiting for the inevitable “Finish Him”.
These games are no fun when you’re pitted against each other.
The rematches grow tiresome.
We search our stash for the cartridge of “Us Against The World”.
Somehow I keep finding copies of “You Against Me”.
A partnership full of the wrong X’s and O’s.
A glitch that never corrects when blown into.
An unfortunate fatality.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, The Game Is Over, 2017
I Am Me
I am my skin.
I cannot hide this melanin.
I am my hair.
Every kink and every curl.
I am my big lips and big nose.
And every feature they imitate.
I am rhythm.
And the blues that comes with it.
I am our suffering.
And the inevitable success.
I am my mother and my father.
And every ancestors blood runs through my veins.
I am unique.
I am me.
There is none other.
No one empowered quite like me.
Unbreakable like me.
Black like me.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, I Am Me, 2017©
I cannot hide this melanin.
I am my hair.
Every kink and every curl.
I am my big lips and big nose.
And every feature they imitate.
I am rhythm.
And the blues that comes with it.
I am our suffering.
And the inevitable success.
I am my mother and my father.
And every ancestors blood runs through my veins.
I am unique.
I am me.
There is none other.
No one empowered quite like me.
Unbreakable like me.
Black like me.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, I Am Me, 2017©
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