Friend M is a throwback. I have (had) this friend and hotep is the
closest thing I can use to describe her. Hotep may be a little harsh,
but hear me out. First, let me give you the back story. Back in sixth
grade this girl was actually my best friend. Then middle school hit. I
can’t remember if we went to different middle schools or if she went
back to her home town for a while, but we lost touch. I ran into her
last year and we’ve hung out several times since. Nothing too big. We’ve
grabbed a few drinks a couple times. No biggie.
As
everyone should know this year has been pretty rough on me with the
death of my father. The first time I actually went out after his death
was with her a few weeks after the funeral. I remember it was a Friday
and I had to work that weekend. We grabbed some drinks at one of the
many bars downtown, met some dudes, it was cool. Then someone decided
those bars were lame and we should all go to a club on the rough side of
town. I protested, and thank God the club they were trying to go to
said that the guys had the pay and the dudes we were with didn’t have
cash on them. In the meantime her mother needed a ride home so we drove
by to pick her up. They all bitched and complained about me being a
party pooper because I didn’t want to go into a rough looking nightclub
probably because there were “too many black people there”, suggesting
that I didn’t want to be around black folks and because I had to go to
work at noon the next day. I got so agitated with everyone ganging up on
me (her mom included at this point) to stay longer and to go to this
shit club that I finally just had to yell “MY FATHER JUST DIED AND I’M
EXHAUSTED ALL OF THE TIME! I CAN’T SLEEP!” I was so furious that it had
to get to the point that I had to yell that in front of a bunch of
strangers. That was strike one.
Strike two. Every time we
go out there is alcohol involved. I don’t really drink. If I do drink
it’s usually something fruity or a hard cider. I definitely do not do
whiskey. Well, every single time she’s constantly pressuring me to drink
whatever the hell she’s drinking. She’s relentless. I should not have
to tell a person tons of times that I do NOT want to drink. It’s a every
time thing too.
The third strike I felt like it was me
being possibly oversensitive, but at the end of the day it still rubbed
me the wrong way. This time was after we grabbed some food. Well first
off when she got in my car she asked me if I still missed my dad. Oh,
no. He’s only been dead a few months. Of course I don’t miss him. He’s
only my DAD. *sigh* Afterwards she invited me in to meet her kids
because apparently the first time I met them she was so drunk she didn’t
realize that I’d already met them. I didn’t really want to go in, but I
didn’t want to be an asshole so I thought I’d step in for a minute. We
talked for a few minutes, and she was playing some song on her laptop
and was offended that I didn’t like it when she asked if I did. Her
reaction was “What? Because it’s not white music?” First off, what the
fuck is “white music”? and secondly, couldn’t it just be that what she
was playing was a shitty song? I think it was Tamar Braxton and I’m not
really a fan. I genuinely didn’t know who it was because I am,
unfortunately, at the age where I’m saying “Well music back in my day…”
because I hardly know anything about musicians today. If there’s a
current artist out there that I listen to it’s because I found out about
them by accident (social media, a commercial, tv show/movie), or it’s a
song that’s played so much you feel forced to look at that particular
artists discography. It pissed me off so deep that she said that because
it was so high school to me. Here we are, women in our thirties, and
you’re coming out with lowkey insults I haven’t heard since I was about
17. What made it even more maddening is that a few weeks prior she
wanted me to meet her after work because she was going to be with this
guy she had been seeing and wanted an opinion on him. This dude
LITERALLY looked like Liam Neeson and Unlce Joey from Full House had a
baby and told nothing but dad jokes. He was the corniest dude I’ve ever
met in life. Like how can you come for me and my music preferences and
you were fucking that? Are you serious? Also anytime we go out she’ll
spout out all of this pro-black bullshit while at the same time flirting
with the most bro frat looking white dude in the bar. But hey, I like
The Beatles so obviously I think I’m white *insert eye roll here*.
After this third strike I stayed away from her for a few months. Not
because it pissed me off, but because, as I said, with my dad’s death my
emotions have been all over the place and the smallest things set me
off, especially if I forget to take my antidepressants (also sorry if I
have or will go off on you for no reason. My emotions have definitely
been a roller coaster and I don’t mean to be a jerk). So I wasn’t sure
if I was actually mad at what she said or if it was just something that
set me off. Looking at it now I think it was a little of both.
Her and I hung out on Halloween
and after that I think I’m done. She’s kind of a bitter person. My
opinion on why she might be like that is, she had kids very young (three
boys), and probably missed out on a lot of her good party years (late
teens thru twenties). Now she’s at an age where her kids are almost
grown, but people our age now have small children and careers. She’s
trying to get back to that party life, but can’t really find anyone to
recreate that with, and since she’s been out of the loop for a while is
having a hard time relating to other people in a grown woman friendship
manner. I don’t know. When we go out she has no problem walking up to
people and talking, but it’s the actual friendships that she seems to
have a problem with. I can be bitter all on my own I don’t really need
someone else who breeds negativity when I’m trying to pull myself out of
my own little negative hole. She’s not a bad person. She’s just someone
who speaks before she thinks, doesn’t really take others feelings into
consideration, and is a little too brash. Perhaps her and I can be
friends in the future, but as for right now I need people around me with
a much more positive light and gentle nature. That’s what my soul needs
right now.
- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©
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