The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Halloween And The Only Witches In My Circle

         Let’s be honest. Halloween is the best holiday of the year. I don’t really celebrate holidays much anymore. Like Thanksgiving is just a day to pig out. Christmas is a day to just lay around in my jammies. New Years Eve is a day I just get drunk alone in my bedroom. But Halloween is different. You get to turn yourself into something amazing, be around awesome people, and enjoy everything spooky. I love this holiday. I don’t get a chance to celebrate it as big as I’d like, but I still love it more than anything.
        For years I’ve wanted to dress up as Jessica Rabbit. I’ve had many issues with that. I’m not a fan of my body so I’ve shied away from that idea for a while. I also always notice that at Halloween stores the Jessica Rabbit costumes they have do not do the real one justice, so finding that perfect red sparkly dress is always hard. What I’m getting at is that if I’m going to dress up for Halloween it has to be perfection. I mean, I cut my own hair one year so that It looked like Harry Potter’s. This year I was torn between Jessica Rabbit and Prince. Since I got started pretty last minute I went with Prince and found 90% of what I needed one afternoon at a thrift shop. A few days before all I had to do was sew some chiffon onto my shirt to make cuffs and glue some gems on a purple jacket. I perfected my make up down to the Purple Rain mustache and I was good to go. The only problem was, I didn’t have any plans.
        I’m not one with many friends. Lots of acquaintances and very few close friends. Two to be exact. With one in Philly and one going to Cleveland with her boyfriend for the weekend that left me either alone or with an acquaintance I wasn’t too comfortable with. I ended up doing both.This is where my witches circle becomes even tighter.
         My Halloween night ended up being pretty blah. I went to a comedy show with an old friend. I’m there dressed as Prince and the only person in a costume besides the employees. This old friend complained the whole time starting before we even got there. I was running a little late, but not so late that we’d miss part of the show or not get a seat. She bitched that she’d meet me there when I was supposed to ride with her even though we still had an hour before the show started and she lived pretty much 10 minutes away from the comedy club. When we got there she then bitched about being so tired and that she wish she had stayed in bed. No one put a gun to her head to make her go. She sat there an texted on her phone, missed jokes, and had to, in turn, ask me what the comedian said. It was just awful and to top it off she kind of pissed me off the last time we hung out (I’ll get more into that in another post). Afterwards I went to get my car at her place and tossed around the idea in my head if I wanted to go downtown to the yearly Halloween celebration alone. I told her that if she wanted to go I’d drive, but she just kinda shrugged it off and went into her house. I thought to myself “You put way too much effort into this costume to just call it a night at 9pm.” I went alone. Didn’t have a whole lot of fun, but still glad I went.
            What I’m getting at is that I can’t continue to be around people who suck the fun out of things and who only want to be around because they don’t want to be alone and use me to put on this pretend friendship. On the flip side, I have to stop doing the same. I didn’t really want to be around her I just didn’t want to go out and celebrate by myself. I’ve just been in such a funk lately. I don’t want to continue to live my life doing nothing. I want to enjoy it, and if there’s someone around who doesn’t want to support me as a friend, be there for the good and the bad, then what’s the point of having them there? I can’t keep saying “no” and hiding from opportunities therefore I can’t surround myself with people who do the same. Life is literally too short to just be in the same routine and not let joy in more than every once in a while. As for now I’ve got my two best friends and I attend plenty of events by my lonesome and sometimes have a better time by myself. There’s no problem with solitude. I just have not fully embraced my own company. From now own I know who’s in my small circle of witches. It may be tiny, but they are the best.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©

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