Sometimes I feel bad if I say that I’m depressed, have anxiety, am an introvert, etc, because I have never been diagnosed. Actually the doctor I had back in Chicago would tell me that he didn’t like to diagnose people he just wanted to help them sort out whatever they were going through to get them on the right track (not sure if that was a good thing or bad thing, but he did help me through a lot). I just know what I feel and how I have always felt for as long as I can remember. I’m not certain if people who have been diagnosed take offense to someone like me. I don’t say things like that for attention or pity. I say it because I have no other words for it. It’s more than a feeling of sadness or anxiousness, especially since I’ve been like this for many many years. I often get irritated with people who tell me that it gets better or try to give me some uplifting words. I know that they mean well. I don’t see the way that I feel as a bad thing. It’s not a good thing either. It is a part of me though. I embrace all parts of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. If I woke up tomorrow as some happy-go-lucky person I’d be scared. That’s not who I am. I’m okay with how I am. Yeah, sometimes I wish those feelings that keep me caged inside my own mind would go away, but I don’t know if I would know what to do with myself if they were to go away. I know none of this makes sense, but it does to me. I know if someone is depressed they normally (at least I think) wouldn’t say that they are okay with being that way. I don’t know. It’s probably just me. I think these things infiltrate every aspect of my personality, like the sarcastic sense of humor that I couldn’t imagine not having or my ability to see through people’s bullshit. If I weren’t the way that I am I could possibly be some gullible chick with a lame sense of humor.
SN: I apologize to anyone who may take offense to my “self diagnosis”. It’s not my intention to rub people the wrong way.