A Look Inside My Creative Mind: I'm Fed Up

 
        **LATE POST** I initially made this video for Instagram, but I had a lot to get off of my chest with yet another black man killed for no reason. I posted it on my channel and forgot to make a post here on the site.

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: We Would Never Sleep and You'd Still Never Get It

         In the wake of George Floyd's death and recent protests there is one question that rings in my head. It's a question that was asked of me by a former coworker around the time of the murder of Trayvon Martin. The question was something to the effect of "When things like this happen why does one story get more coverage than another?" Although that question annoyed me because it was the first of many times that a white friend would look to me to be their guide in racial injustice who assumed that somehow I knew all the answers to everything black and also because... How in the hell am I supposed to know?! I'm not CNN. Still that question sticks with me today because it was, in a way, a valid question. Why does that happen?

         I've realized that anytime news breaks of a George Floyd, or a Sandra Bland, or a Tamir Rice there are always little side stories that emerge that quickly get lost in the smoke. For instance a week after the murder of Mr. Floyd CNN ran a piece about a man named Javier Ambler the III. He is most likely the reason the popular show Live PD was just canceled because Mr. Ambler was murdered while their cameras were rolling. A story that got lost in the smoke even though a popular cable show may have been there to film his death. This was in March of 2019 and was only spoken about in mere minutes almost 15 months later.

        I now have one theory, among many which would be way more obvious, as to why a lot of stories go unheard. Of course a lot has to do with it perhaps not being filmed and no witnesses, but I also feel that if we were to hear about every single one that's all the news would be. In three months time we've heard about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. Think of the amount of people in between that are in small backwoods towns that were murdered, the ones that don't get filmed, the ones that are marked as missing and presumed dead. If we were to hear every one of these stories that's all we'd see on the news and up and down our newsfeeds. Just endless black death. That's how often this is happening. Yet still there comes no justice. In the past week two (or three, because again this happens so often that one often, and sadly, loses track) men have been found hanging from trees. Today a young activist was found murdered days after tweeting about being sexually assaulted. It goes on and on. Absolutely endless. 

       The thing is even if every news outlet covered every story or every case of injustice would you still hear it? Would you still be determined to say "All lives matter" in response to "Black lives matter"? Would you try to learn about systemic oppression? Would you listen to women tell their stories of assault? Would you still deflect and speak about black on black crime? Would you still deny your privilege? Would you still keep your eyes closed when presented with endless black death? Because the sad truth is.... a lot of you would. This is why we march, we vote, we scream, we fight. 

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2020

        

Whyte Noise: The Sound Of Silence

Loud silence
Fleeting solidarity
We can take no more
12:00 a.m. a new day 

Back to your regularly scheduled program
Post your lattes
Your DIYs
And your kids
Another generation unable to speak
Seasoned with a pic of a vibrant sunrise
While cropping out the burning streets below
Your privilege allowing you to lift your veil
While we are still shrouded in darkness
Yet your laziness expects me to be your guiding light
Silence
Ah, I love the sound of white silence in the morning
Your sudden screams of deflection
"Omg look at the thugs looting"
Followed by our tired sighs
"Omg look at the white guys in disguise
Who break and destroy

Only to run away when the heat starts to rise"
Silence
We'll be right back to your regularly scheduled program of tone deafness
Ill timed quotes
MLK with a side of Gandhi and a dash of John Lennon
A little James Baldwin if you nasty
You're so woke
Then your loud and proud "buts"
Drowning out the voices of the unheard

"Stop! I'm being oppressed"

"That black man wants me to follow the rules"

Oh, the humanity

Clutch of the pearls
You master of oppression, you
Silence
Silence while you steal black culture and loot black lives
You praise the style and moves Justin Timberlake
As if Usher didn't do it back in '98
Pay the copycat
And when the people whose culture you stole asks you to have their back
Just do the minimum

Give yourself a pat on the back

Then turn the sound down 

And bring the silence back (Yeah!)
Appropriators don't know how to act
Change the channel
Another murder porn is on

A world premiere

Then you begin to sing your favorite songs
"Well He Must've Done Something Wrong"

"We Don't Have the Full Story"

And the #1 smash hit
"He Didn't Comply"
Outage ensues
Another moment of silence
Followed by a rerun of the tone deaf chronicles
#AllLivesMatter 20/20 special edition
Meanwhile mere objects are more valuable than mine 
Did you say that TV was $599 and designer handbags worth hundreds?
That sounds pretty steep when compared to the price black life
Target becomes your importance
Over the target on my back
Proof all lives do not matter
If my value is less than that of a coat rack
You kneel not in solidarity
But instead on the neck of our existence
Suffocating
Mother's without sons
Father's bury daughters
We can take no more
But I'm sorry
Did we interrupt your baseball game with a revolution?
There it is again
The deafening silence

I'll let you get back to your regularly scheduled program

-Asia Aneka Anderson, "Whyte Noise: The Sound of Silence" 2020(c)

A Look Inside My Creative Mind: Grieving the Unknown

         **LATE POST** I uploaded my latest video to my channel a week ago, or more. It took me a while because with the new layout of blogger it would never populate my video even if I searched it with the link. I had to go back to the old style of Blogger to do so (That would've been helpful if I had known that a week ago).
          In my latest video (which I've labeled with a **trigger warning**) I'm discussing a loss that I've written about several times before. I recorded this video the day after what would've been my baby's first birthday. I'm discussing my grieve process from that moment of miscarriage to even now as I still try to navigate my way through life after expecting it to change in such a great monumental way.

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: It's All Part of the Plan

        So I'm sitting here in quarantine and the creativity still ain't hitting me like I want it to. I'm working from home and business is slow. Maybe watch Netflix? Meh. Can't really focus on it. Maybe read a book? Meh. Once I start to get into it I get a call and in the end figure it' not worth it unless I can curl up, get cozy, and dive in completely. 

        One day after getting off the phone I scroll through Instagram and come across a horror account that I follow that posted a short clip of a horror video game. I got a little curious and headed to the comments to see if anyone mentioned the title of the game. A few had and I went to Google to search away. Down the rabbit hole I went. I came across a YouTuber that I will admit I quickly became obsessed with, and that's Corey Kenshin. 

        I've been glued to Corey's channel for a good month now and let me tell you that he's actually got me inspired again. Seeing his work makes me want to create. It makes me want to keep pushing. I know that sounds odd. He's a gamer that makes videos of himself playing mostly horror games or posting his #SpookyScarySunday of scary videos and I'm out here trying to be a writer and with my channel content being much more personal, intimate, and maybe, at some times, gloomy. I get that the content doesn't match, but I'm mesmerized at the growth. He's been humble, creative, and totally himself the entire time he's had his channel. He hasn't had to put on a fake persona or make some kind of gimmick to get people to like and follow him. I dig that. And although what we are doing is total opposite the goal is the same. He's reaching people by being himself and doing what he loves and that's what I hope to accomplish with mine.

        You can see that I've been trying to be more active. There is a small drawback to that. When it comes to the topics that I talk about they are much deeper and close to my heart. So when it comes to my channel there may not be an everyday upload or even every week, as sometimes these topics do take a lot out of me. 

        I do aspire to be that, at least, once a week person. That being said I'm taking my time learning how to edit, create thumbnails, add music, and all that good stuff. I'm starting that with a new video I recorded a few days ago. This video is a lot more personal than the few videos I have up now. With this topic being so close to my heart I'm taking my time with it. I want it to be right for right now. My channel will grow with my ability, but as of right now I want this to be the best to my ability as it is today.

        As my channel grows, I hope to incorporate better edits. For instance animated intros and things like that. I plan to do things like that for videos I may do when I talk about my writing or any projects that I have that are writing related. When it comes to my videos that are more me speaking to you about my life and experiences I hope to keeps those more subtle. I've actually made a few intro and outro edits for this new video I'm editing. Those will be at the bottom of this post. As time goes on I don't see myself like a Corey Kenshin with 6M subs. I just don't think I talk about the sort of things that 6M people would want to hear... and honestly nor would I want to. Just the thought of it makes me nervous to have 100 people hear me bear my soul let alone 6M. But here I go on this journey. Baring my soul for all of you to see whether it be through me or my characters. Either way it is a piece of me. 

*Let me know what you think of these edits I have for my next video** For whatever reason I cannot add the outro gif here. Check it out on my IG*

A Look Inside My Creative Mind: Does Trauma Cause Memory Loss?

     I finally got around to uploading another video. Recently I've been thinking back on a chaotic part of my life and how that, now, I have trouble recalling some of the things that brought me some sort of calm during that time period. I'm a big pop culture buff and a lot of the things I enjoyed around the time period of 2008-2015 have somehow slipped my mind, with the exception of movies, bands, etc that were HUGE then. I made this video to discuss how this has effected me. 

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Adapt, Adopt, and Improve

                         I started this blog in 2014. I got inspired to start on Blogger from seeing my best friend post her amazing artwork projects and vegan recipes among other things. I had so much of my work that I had back logged laying around in tons of journals and folders. Starting this blog offered me an outlet to share all of this work I had created. It offered me some inspiration that I had been lacking at that point in my life. Finding this space gave me the inspiration to branch out and create new and funny ways to tell my stories like my "Tragic Tales" or more recently "The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind". It gave me the opportunity to talk about topics that are important to me in ways that I hope others can relate to. I bare my soul in these topics instead of disguising myself in my characters. With my increasing need to bare my soul I got inspired to start an YouTube channel in connection with my blog. I'm still in my baby stage when it comes to my channel, but this blog gave me the confidence and motivation to take that next step. 

      I say all this because, slowly but surely, I've made progress with this blog. I may not have always known which direction I was going with it but I knew I was at least going forward. There came the Facebook page, the IG page, the YT channel, and now, my most recent step, as of last week, was buying my domain. I started with AsiaAnekaWrites.blogspot.com way back in 2014 and now I'm announcing that my domain is InsideMyCreativeMind.com. This is mine. This is my baby. I will continue to nurture her and watch her grow into something beautiful. For the people out there who take the time to read my work and watch me rant. Thank you. I appreciate your input and your warmth. Here's to a productive quarantine. I'm currently working on beefing up a poetry book to publish as well as possibly publishing my first short story. The on to much bigger and better things beyond that.

Thank you so so much for your support.