Here we are in another year and in another job that I'm rapidly starting to despise. I hate it here. I started this job in January of 2020 after leaving a retail pharmacy job. Shortly after finishing training the world exploded. The beginning wasn't so bad. I enjoyed the fact that I genuinely enjoyed the company of everyone in my training class. I haven't felt closeness like that in a job setting for more than 10 years. Getting paid more than my previous job and better insurance didn't hurt either, but after close to a year things started to shift. The workload started to get much more than the compensation was worth. We're talking about doing tasks, that any normal job, you'd most likely need a degree or, at least, a certificate for. Then there came the feeling that is my crux at any job I've ever had, which is running into issues that I can fully see, but not be able to do anything about. I can't stand it, even though that is life. I listen to people all the time who talk about how they hate working with our company and all I can do is shrug and apologize because there's not much else I can do. I watch our company cut corners and jobs to save a buck and that's the issue that's getting worse as time goes on. Leaving my coworkers and I wondering if our jobs will be outsourced since new micromanaging policies seem to leave us stuck in a corner staring at possibly firing or pushed to just quit. I will say that I that this job for being just what I needed as Covid took over the world, because at my previous job this pandemic would have put me in a very vulnerable spot.
But this post isn't about my shitty jobs, which I seem to be good at picking. No, this post is about something I just realized about myself recently. That discovery is that I flourish in leadership roles. I was never meant to be in a position where I'm at the bottom of the food chain. The reason I've never realized that and, a lot of times, backed away from the kind of role is because I've been told all of my life that I am a follower. I remember being told that from a very young age by my parents and I believed it. So I stayed in the shadows and followed rules and was comfortable there. It wasn't until I was promoted with the job that I had last year that I thought it was even something that I could do. I enjoyed being a supervisor and advocating for my coworkers the best I could. I pay close attention to detail and have a strong mind for equality and justice. I know those last two have no room in a capitalistic world, but that doesn't stop me from trying. To add to that, as I was finishing up my final semesters at school I had several of my professors tell me that I'd be a great teacher. Being a teacher isn't something I've thought about since I was a kid and people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up. That isn't necessarily a leadership role, but it does give me a platform and a role to make a difference and that is also something I seek out of life.
I am a creator. Creators are leaders. I hate that I allowed myself to be watered down instead of nurtured into being a person who could create paths versus walk down someone else's. I'm already powerful in my words and strong in my influence. The only next step is to have that all backed by confidence. In recent weeks I've been thinking strongly about going back to school and continuing with my creative writing degree and adding education or lit into the mix. It would be an honor to help people pave their own path. I don't care if that's in a management role, a teacher role, or a businesswoman role, but that's where my heart is and has been all this time.
So excuse me while I try to figure out this next chapter in my journey. The next level of bettering myself and my future. It's never too late to discover new things about yourself. Most importantly it's never too late to tell yourself that you don't have to be in a spot forever. I know we all have bills and other responsibilities, but that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice happiness and growth. Never do that. I never will.
-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2021(c)
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