The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: When I’m 64 And Beyond

        I think about my future often. I wonder who I’m going to be and where my life will take me when I’m in my old age. These thoughts especially come to me when I’m out, maybe on the bus, and I see older people. I look at them and think ‘Have they accomplished all the wanted to in this life?’ or ‘Do they have any regrets?’. I think when we’re all younger we make these plans and have these visions of how our adult life will be, but to most of us life happens and we get completely knocked off track. Some of us have dreams bigger than Texas that somehow never get off the ground because life has different plans. Sometimes it’s scary to think that I will never live to the potential that I see fit. I want to be that older person who has a story for everything. I want a lifetime full of tales to tell. I don’t want to look back on my life and have a ton of regrets and “what ifs”. I look at older people and for some I get a sense of sadness. ‘Did they even get to do half of the things they wanted to do?’. For instance, my mom talked about, as a kid, she wanted to be a dancer. I wonder if she regrets not dropping everything and taking ballet lessons. She also went to college for a short time to study criminal justice. She’s spent all of her life working at a job that wasn’t her passion. Even once did she think to take a chance to do something that she wanted to do? I look at my passion for writing. Although the passion isn’t as strong as it was when I was younger I couldn’t imagine not doing it at all and not trying to muster some inspiration to create something I’ve always wanted to create and make a living out of it. I often tell myself that I’m going to live a free spirited life, but what exactly does that mean? I have to make a living. I have bills to pay. I have to feed and clothe myself. How amazing it would be to drop everything and go on an adventure, but that’s not how life is. So will I end up being one of those people who will have more regrets than accomplishments well into my old age? Life is too short to not do all the things we’ve ever wanted to do. I truly believe that we all need to do the things that make us happy, and I also know that for some that may be nearly impossible. I’ve gone broke trying to do the things that make me happy. I’ve done things that may seem irresponsible, to others, to be happy, but at the end of the day feeling genuinely happy means more to me than anything. I want to look back on my life and smile at memories and not dwell on what ifs.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2016©

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