My Struggle With Religion

I often wonder that if I believed in God my life would perhaps be much better. I look at people who go through hell, but take it in stride because they believe that in the end God is looking out for them. If I believed in God would I be where I need to be?
I’d like to believe that if God is real he looks out for those who do their best whether they’re believers or not, but that’s not a belief I hold highly. I see people who do horrible things to others, whether it be a big corporation who makes (or steals) tons of money without putting it back into communities, crooked politicians, or large groups who promote hate speech they seem to have it easy and are making millions on others pain. Yet the people who have faith can barely make ends meet, die from terminal illnesses, or run into crisis after crisis.
Although I’ve had a rough few years or more I will admit that things in my life could be far far worse. I’m not where I want to be in my life and things don’t ever go the way I plan, but I could be facing a bigger struggle than I currently am. With that knowledge I know that someone is looking out for me. Whether that is God, I don’t know. I have spirituality, but the stubbornness in me refuses to believe. When I reflect on the tiny blessings I have I stop and ask “Would these blessings be bigger if I did believe that God exists?”
I’ve had a hard time with religion all of my life. Where I come from if people claim to be Christians they are the, what I like to call, “part time Christians”. The type who will go to church every Sunday and as soon as they leave judge other people on everything from what they wear, to weight, to their sexuality. It was always confusing to me because I always thought only God could judge. That’s something I didn’t want to be apart of. I didn’t want to be a member of a community who didn’t practice what they preached. If God truly is love then where is the love?
Religion is something I know I’ll always struggle with in some way. I will always have my beliefs that everything happens for a reason, no one is given more than they can handle, and that everyone has a guardian angel. That’s as close to believing as I’ll get for the time being. The only thing I can do is try to be a good person and help others any way I can and accept all blessings that come my way, big or small.

-Asia Aneka Anderson

No comments:

Post a Comment